'Tis the season for electronic gifts - and who better to advise than Techno Claus (who bears a strange resemblance to our David Pogue of The New York Times):
The weather's gone crazy - economy, too.
The whole world out there has turned into a zoo!
You think your job's tough? Well, that's nothin', my dear:
Try crawlin' down 6 billion chimneys a year!
On top o' that, presents are pricey as heck.
Especially when all the kids want now is tech!
But try not to panic. It's OK because
You're about to get tips from your pal, Techno Claus.
Bedol water clock, $19
When our income and budgets have all gone downhill,
The last thing we need's a big energy bill.
So here's an affordable gift for your use,
An alarm clock that uses plain water as juice!
No battery, no outlet. It freaketh me out!
It's some kinda newfangled science, no doubt.
But, like, every 12 weeks you put in H20
And enjoy how your 'lectric bill ceases to grow.
These days, even TV seems sort of in flux.
People cancel their cable to save a few bucks.
They get their TV from the Internet, see?
By buying a box like the Roku LT.
It hops onto your WiFi, your network, you see,
And shows all on your shows on your same old TV.
It shows movies from Netflix without any fuss,
And can bring you TV shows from this - Hulu Plus.
The best of these services aren't really free.
They're like 8 bucks a month. Not too bad. You agree?
The new iPod Nano kicks style up a notch,
It plays music, of course, but it's also a watch!
It's got various styles - some are fun, some are grand,
'Bout the only thing missing's an iPod watchBAND.
But worry no more, for the answer is here:
These bands clip the Nano and keep it right here.
It's for multiple uses. The watch thing's just one.
It's also a place for your tunes when you run.
They all got their iPhones and gadgets like that,
But they all come with speakers the size of a gnat!
Fret not, music lovers. A fix has been found:
This Jambox can fill a small room up with sound.
The battery means there's no cord to the wall,
And it's Bluetooth - which means there's no wires at all!
Since iPhones have cameras, when people say "cheese,"
It's crazy how much they use these and not these.
As long as you're gonna take snaps of your friends,
The least you could use is a half-decent lens!
OK, sounds ridiculous, this I admit -
But here are 3 lenses for iPhone, a kit.
A fisheye, a closeup, an 8-power zoom,
And even a tripod for steadiness - boom!
Withings WiFi scale, $159
Technology keeps marching on, without fail,
And finally it's come to the old bathroom scale.
This one measures weight and your body fat - fine.
Then sends it by WiFi! Displays it online.
You can track on this Web site, or track on your phone,
Track multiple users (you see your stats alone).
Quit lookin' at mine! Come on, people, butt out!
I'm Techno Claus, right? I'm supposed to be stout.
Parrot Quadricopter, $300
Now, I realize tech prices often are steep,
And that's why that stuff is all more or less cheap.
But indulge me just once if I break my own rule,
To show you a gift that's just so wicked cool.
This isn't the world's first remote-control drone -
But the slick part is how you control with your phone.
You tip it to make the thing fly to and fro,
And if you should stop, it just hovers, like so.
There's even a couple of cameras on board,
You can watch your iPad or phone. You'll be floored!
It's 300 bucks, but hey - just tell your teen
That he's covered for Christmas 'till 2015.
Well, look at the iPod! It's time I should scoot.
I can only survive for so long in this suit.
May your Christmas be filled with good friends and good cheer,
And may the economy rebound next year!