NEW YORK (CBS) House Democrat Eric Massa stepped down on Tuesday while an ethics investigation was ongoing - thus ending said investigation. The Washington Post says it's related to allegations that he groped male staffers, and Massa says...well, Massa says a lot of things.
Massa has offered a range of reasons for his early retirement, ranging from the near-believable to the deeply strange. Here's the best of former Congressman Eric Massa, presented in the context-free environment that really lets 'em shine! Remember: These are actual quotes spoken by an actual person who was actually elected to Congress:
10. That's called the Washington two-step. That's where you get set up, somebody passes information and out you go.
9. I'm road kill. And in 72 hours, nobody is going to remember who I am nor are they going to care.
8. Glenn, the only thing I can do is slit my wrist and bleed out here.
7. When the ship runs aground - and I spent 24 years in the Navy - it's not the navigator, it's the captain.
6. When four guys jump on you to wrestle you to prove that you're 50 years old, anything can be called anything, Larry.
5. It's like a family. And so anybody can take anything out of context.
4. So, Larry, when you grab someone and you're wrestling, I don't know how to describe that word.
3. They don't have any shower curtains down in the gym. And I'm sitting there showering, naked as a jaybird, and here comes Rahm Emanuel, not even with a towel wrapped around his tush, poking his finger in my chest, yelling at me because I wasn't going to vote for the president's budget. Do you know how awkward it is to have a political argument with a naked man? Rahm Emanuel is son of the devil's spawn. He is an individual who would sell his mother to get a vote. He would strap his children to the front end of a steam locomotive.
2. Now, they're saying I groped a male staffer. Yes, I did. Not only did I grope him, I tickled him until he couldn't breathe and four guys jumped on top of me.
1. When was the last time you had a political argument with a naked man? I mean it just doesn't work well.
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