Tony Snow's New Toys
(CBS)
The new and improved White House press briefing room gives spokesman Tony Snow some brand new audio-visual capabilities.
He is flanked on the podium by two 45-inch high-definition video monitors – on which he can project slides, graphs, quotes or pretty much whatever he wants.
Last Friday, he used the screens to illustrate his assertion that progress was being made in Iraq as a result of the surge in U.S. troops ordered by Pres. Bush.
And today, he was able to push a botton on his lectern and project a couple of old quotes from the current chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee, Sen. Patrick Leahy, D-VT., to defend the White House claim of Executive Privilege in the congressional probe of the firings of those U.S. Attorneys.
It got me thinking that Snow could use the screens to respond to many of the questions he gets on a daily basis from reporters.
So with apologies to David Letterman, here is my list of the top ten video screen messages Tony Snow might choose to display at the push of a button in response to reporters:
10. I reject the premise of your question.
9. You should check with DOD (the Department of Defense).
8. When we’re ready to announce something – we will.
7. That IS my answer.
6. The President has full confidence in the Attorney General.
5. It’s a crime to lie to Congress whether you’re under oath or not.
4. Lester, I won’t dignify that with an answer.
3. Sorry – this is not Happy Kumbaya Day.
2. I’ll have to get back to you on that.
1. Bite me!
With one exception, Tony Snow and his deputies have frequently spoken each of my top ten responses from the lectern while briefing reporters.
(In fairness, I’ve never heard any of them use the response I put in the #1 position. But I’ll bet the mortgage they’ve wanted to say it, but held their tongues.)
What I would like to see at the next Press Briefing is the theme music to "Twilight Zone" played in the background and a spinning spiral come up on the screens whenever Helen Thomas starts in with her moonbat liberal "questions".
I have full confidence in [Latest member of administration in legal trouble]
If you don't see how great things are, you're liberal/unpatriotic.
If you point out how bad things are, you're liberal/unpatriotic/aiding terrorists.
If you think there is a limitation on what we can do, you don't want to win the war on terror.
9/11. September 11. Al Qaeda. (Saddam). Al Qaeda. (Saddam). 9/11!
I never said that.
I'll take the next question from One_American there in the back...
"Today, we celebrate the first glorious anniversary of the Information Purification Directives. We have created, for the first time in all history, a garden of pure ideology, where each worker may bloom, secure from the pests purveying contradictory thoughts. Our Unification of Thought is more powerful a weapon than any fleet or army on earth. We are one people, with one will, one resolve, one cause. Our enemies shall talk themselves to death and we will bury them with their own confusion. We shall prevail!"