Across The Media Universe: Days Don't Get Much Slower Than This Edition

Heart Huckabee?: Mike Huckabee, following in the illustrious Bruno Magli footsteps of O.J. Simpson, has become the latest public figure to decry the blasted media's fixation on Paris Hilton and her ilk. “One of the frustrations is that there is more attention on Britney Spears getting out of a car without underwear than there is about who is going to be the next president,” he told the Associated Press. Who will be next to take this brave stance? Hiccup girl? Prince Harry? An ailing whale shark? Stay tuned!

Words Fail Her: You know what's not cool? Murder jokes! Reports CNN: "A Lebanese television anchor's comments and laughter regarding the assassination of Lebanese anti-Syrian parliamentarian Walid Eido have caused a furor and resulted in her firing." The unidentified anchor didn't realize the microphone was on when she made the comments, natch. At least she didn't go to the bathroom.

Swords, But No Shields: Unlike Indiana Republican Mike Pence and others, the White House says there is no need for a federal shield law for journalists. "History has demonstrated that the protections already in place, including the department's own rigorous internal review of media subpoena requests, are sufficient," Assistant Attorney General Rachel Brand told the House Judiciary Committee, according to the AP. Basic message: Chill out, journalists. Sure, potential whistleblowers may be less likely to share crucial information for fear the government will force you to reveal their identity. But who cares about all that, right? We're all a little whistleblown out anyway. Onto the more important issues!