Office Behaviors That Could Drive You Nuts
A few months ago, I wrote about "Words You Should Never Use at the Office" identifying what people found to be the most odious office jargon. Now comes a British outfit called Opinium Research which surveyed 1,836 people to find out what were the most irritating office behaviors. Some are truly awful, like #7, but after a little contemplation, I decided that not all of them are terrible. In fact, some serve an important purpose in office life. Below the results, ranked by -- well, I guess you could call it "unpopularity."
1. Grumpy or moody colleagues (37 percent). True, it's not fun dealing with a person who has a nettle up his you-know-what merely because he's chronically constipated or consumed by a recent divorce. My least favorite of this ilk is the colleague who attends a lengthy and boozy lunch and returns with a throbbing hangover and a temper to match. But I find even more annoying the relentlessly perky coworker who sees a silver lining in every pessimistic sales projection or doesn't mind in the least completing projects that will last you until midnight and beyond. I'll take a grump anytime over the gung-ho grunt who believes that your employer's bankruptcy is a good move.
2. Slow computers (36 percent). It's infuriating when you've Googled something essential, like the population of Liberia or the Amtrak train schedule, and the answer takes 0.18 seconds instead of 0.02 seconds to appear. Or your Excel spreadsheet rumbles for more than a minute to crunch 40,000 numbers. I say, however, that without those delays, when would you have time -- even if only 0.18 minutes -- to stop and smell the roses?
3. Small talk/gossip in the office (19 percent). Clearly, the 1,836 people who responded to this survey are joyless drones. Small talk --about sports, family, vacations and so on -- cements teams and carries them through tough projects and unreasonable deadlines. And, don't kid yourself: gossip is vital to your career. Knowledge of who's coming, who's going, who's in, who's out and the strategy behind your current assignment can help you plot your way upward. At the very least, gossip is vastly entertaining.
4. The use of office jargon or management-speak (18 percent). "Thinking outside the box" and "let's touch base" were the least favorite phrases of those surveyed, and who can blame them? These hackneyed phrases have been dogging us for at least 20 years. But you've got to admit that such jargon is an efficient way of summing up what might otherwise take a boring speaker eons to explain.
5. People speaking loudly on the phone (18 percent). Where else would you get your best gossip items?
6. Too much health and safety in the work place (16 percent). I am a little confused about this one. Are survey respondents saying that they want a more dangerous, unhealthy environment? That's hard to accomplish since most office workers face no greater danger than falling off their Aeron chairs. I think what they mean are all those seminars on health and safety. If you cavil at learning where the fire exits are or what to do to avoid catching the H1N1 flu, think about all those endless seminars on sexual harassment or diversity. They are truly deadly. I once sat through a three-day diversity seminar. I guess it worked because in the end we all hated each other regardless of race, religion, gender, national origin or sexual orientation.
7. Poor toilet etiquette (16 percent). Ewww.
8. People not turning up for meetings on time or at all (16 percent). Usually, those who arrive late or don't show up are ostentatiously making the point that their work is too important and vital for them to waste any time on confabs with fellow workers. However, if these self-important Type A-pluses did show up, you know they would dominate the meeting with lengthy blatherings about how smart they are, how they've solved the thorniest company problem, and about their new reorganization plan. They usually takes pains to prove that everybody else in the room is a complete idiot. I say, thank goodness they don't show up. Without them, your meeting has a prayer of accomplishing something.
9. People not tidying up after themselves in the kitchen (15 percent). Colleagues who leave old lasagna or cottage cheese in the fridge until it's covered with fuzz are disgusting. In fact the practice ranks up there with #7. All I can say is that a revolting refrigerator or microwave will encourage you to bring a sandwich from home and eat it right away.
10. Too cold/ cold air conditioning (15 percent). Seriously, how else would you stay awake?