What Married Women Want More Than Sex
A new iVillage survey of wives aged 18-49 reveals that sex in married life takes a little bit of a hit. Surprised?
On "The Early Show," Liz Zack, editor of pregnancy and parenting at iVillage, and Ian Kerner, therapist and author of "Love in a Time of Colic," discussed some of the results.
Full iVillage Study
Two thousand American wives between the ages of 18 and 49 were surveyed about their sex lives by iVillage. The most alarming finding was that 77 percent reported being "somewhat to extremely happy" with their sex life, but 63 percent of them would rather sleep, watch a movie or read than have sex.
On "The Early Show," Kerner joked to "Early Show" co-anchor Julie Chen, "First of all, I want to say I'm a dad, I have two kids. And a lot of men out there would also prefer sleep or books."
He continued, "But on the serious side, I kind of look at this as sort of bad news. You may say you're happy with your sex life, but in the end, if night after night you're consistently picking a book, TV, Facebook, digital networking, any distraction that's out there over intimacy with your partner, in the long run, your relationship could become vulnerable to things like infidelity. So you have to put sex at the center of your relationship."
But Zack said this seems to be normal behavior.
"Who can't relate to that stat, that sometimes you and your partner, your bio rhythms are just a little bit off, and sometimes you'd rather finish your book than get to it."
Kerner replied, "I think it's normal, but also a little lazy. I think your sex life is sort of like going to the gym. You got to get back into the routine and it's a little hard at the beginning, but once you do it, it's like try it, you'll like it. You'll want to keep going to the gym."
The survey also featured news that's not all bad news for the husbands: Over half of the women surveyed reported that they are married to "the best sex of their lives."
However, 62 percent of women said they fantasize about having sex with someone other than their husband.
But is that a bad thing?
Zack said, "I actually don't think fantasizing about other people in bed is all that bad. One of the other really interesting things that we found is that, although 77 percent, some incredibly high percentage of women, were really happy with their sex life, almost 80 percent of women rated their sex lives as predictable in some way, whether they keep doing it the same night of the week, the same position, the same room of the house. That predictability didn't affect their happiness."
Kerner also said fantasizing isn't bad, either.
He said, "I think fantasies are taboo for a reason. We have these taboos in our minds and in our imaginations and we don't act them out in life. I think there's a nice balance and in the privacy of your own imagination, anything goes."
But should you tell your spouse your fantasies?
Kerner said that depends on your relationship.
"This survey is showing that couples love each other and are satisfied. If you have that trust, and you can say, 'Hey, I'm thinking about Brad Pitt,' it all depends on the relationship."
Chen said, "Well, if he says, 'I'm thinking about Julia Roberts,' don't get mad."
Zack said, "You have to know your spouse. You certainly have to know your spouse."
Copyright 2010 CBS. All rights reserved. On "The Early Show," Liz Zack, editor of pregnancy and parenting at iVillage, and Ian Kerner, therapist and author of "Love in a Time of Colic," discussed some of the results.
Full iVillage Study
Two thousand American wives between the ages of 18 and 49 were surveyed about their sex lives by iVillage. The most alarming finding was that 77 percent reported being "somewhat to extremely happy" with their sex life, but 63 percent of them would rather sleep, watch a movie or read than have sex.
On "The Early Show," Kerner joked to "Early Show" co-anchor Julie Chen, "First of all, I want to say I'm a dad, I have two kids. And a lot of men out there would also prefer sleep or books."
He continued, "But on the serious side, I kind of look at this as sort of bad news. You may say you're happy with your sex life, but in the end, if night after night you're consistently picking a book, TV, Facebook, digital networking, any distraction that's out there over intimacy with your partner, in the long run, your relationship could become vulnerable to things like infidelity. So you have to put sex at the center of your relationship."
But Zack said this seems to be normal behavior.
"Who can't relate to that stat, that sometimes you and your partner, your bio rhythms are just a little bit off, and sometimes you'd rather finish your book than get to it."
Kerner replied, "I think it's normal, but also a little lazy. I think your sex life is sort of like going to the gym. You got to get back into the routine and it's a little hard at the beginning, but once you do it, it's like try it, you'll like it. You'll want to keep going to the gym."
The survey also featured news that's not all bad news for the husbands: Over half of the women surveyed reported that they are married to "the best sex of their lives."
However, 62 percent of women said they fantasize about having sex with someone other than their husband.
But is that a bad thing?
Zack said, "I actually don't think fantasizing about other people in bed is all that bad. One of the other really interesting things that we found is that, although 77 percent, some incredibly high percentage of women, were really happy with their sex life, almost 80 percent of women rated their sex lives as predictable in some way, whether they keep doing it the same night of the week, the same position, the same room of the house. That predictability didn't affect their happiness."
Kerner also said fantasizing isn't bad, either.
He said, "I think fantasies are taboo for a reason. We have these taboos in our minds and in our imaginations and we don't act them out in life. I think there's a nice balance and in the privacy of your own imagination, anything goes."
But should you tell your spouse your fantasies?
Kerner said that depends on your relationship.
"This survey is showing that couples love each other and are satisfied. If you have that trust, and you can say, 'Hey, I'm thinking about Brad Pitt,' it all depends on the relationship."
Chen said, "Well, if he says, 'I'm thinking about Julia Roberts,' don't get mad."
Zack said, "You have to know your spouse. You certainly have to know your spouse."
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What happens outside the bedroom has so much to with
what happens inside the bedroom men.
Womens biggest sex organ is their heart.
A supportive caring and loving man who can get to the heart of a women will usually get his organs below satisfied!
Men, if you are too controlling, critical and don't appreciate someone if they work or don't work outside he ome it will effect the women's self esteem which will take it's way to the bedroom every night!
I've also been friends with both women who have kids and work and women who have kids and stay home. I've sen kids turn out well from both. I've seen kids turn out not too good from both I've worked during the first 17 years and stayed home the last 16 years. I have a 12 year old Autistic child at ome now.
I think many people want to prove their point is right more then seeing things through a larger spectrum like I always try to do.
I recently moved into a very rich area of California ( Koby is a few blocks over) , from a middle class neighborhood. Not so subtle differences: Women- better looking, all thin, blonde hair, great cars. Patterns, at the GYM inthe AM , packed with women, ditto for places for "lunch" with their girl friends, groups of Hispanc housekeepers every morning drudging in pass the gates (is this racial profiling ?) for child care 24/7, even Sundays, BUT WHAT GETS ME, is the line AROUND 4PM for these same women, with NOTHING TO DO, at SPECIAL little shops that MAKE MEALS to GO, for them to take home to the MAN when he comes home exhausted from battles at work. AT LEAST THEY COULD MAKE DINNER ? no way. There's more too in way of "services" that suggests other needs are being met outside of the home.
To me, the men who are not so rich, but have wives who are for them and family, are the winners in life. As the TV show said, CURB YOUR ENTHUSIasm.
I love that comment. Though it's true. It's true with anything in life though. You get off the routine and going back and getting in the groove of it is hard sometimes. But once you "rekindle" the magic, it's as good as it was the first time out.
~Nick Zoubek
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by erasmus111 May 21, 2010 9:43 PM EDT
by anihiel1 May 21, 2010 8:01 PM EDT
oh and as to your last comment on 'getting it'- my husband is 18 years younger than me and freaking GORGEOUS. so, uh yeeeeeah, I am getting it. At LEAST once a night, sometimes 3 on the weekends since we have time off. Usually once in the morning when we wake up, then again at some point in the afternoon, then again when we go to bed.
Are you just jealous that I am one hell of a woman...and you obviously are not?
And you are the one who quoted statistics- I said I had indeed researched it and found that there are none and that you are lying- why do you ask me for my statistics? The burden of proof is on YOU, I do not need to prove the lack of proof. Was that part too tough for you to follow? You have NOT answered any of my arguments in any RATIONAL manner - the only argument you have is to call me a nutcase. That just goes to prove that you don't have any answers to give. Its like debating with a third grader. You my dear, are a joke, and everyone on this site is laughing at your infinite stupidity.
sex is definitely a 2 way street. men and women both need it, women really don't hold it back and if they do they're not getting it good enough (if they enjoyed it, they'd be begging for more, so hands up guys who are bad in bed) - sex isn't just the humping bit, it involves the foreplay ie the romance and caring and affection. Men need affirmation as much as women. if thats not there, if there's no understanding each other outside the bedroom (or wherever) theres no understanding in the bedroom, and the result is bad sex. If I'm pissed at my fella, then sex is rubbish because it's either not there or isn't as passionate, hot and wild... If you're having it on the side, then it's never going to resolve itself. I think people having affairs are cheating themselves. I'd rather dump the guy and go onto new horizons then wreck my home with lies, you can't undo an affair.
Hey, but I'm asian and i live in the UK. The UK are brought up to care about feelings and being considerate. The experience I have in and of the US is money driven, just as bankersvox explains it is how I see it. Sex is still sacred here whereby in the US it's all in your face.
And we do like our big knickers, lol ;)
Blueberry Cheesecake with Gram cracker crust
1. Are some American women - like Asians, or Hispanics / ?? other better "mates" and continue to enjoy sex, and don't play these awful destructive "games" after marriage ? Do certain cultures - Arab ? do not put up with this crrrrpola, by force or threat thereof ??? Does it make logic to every get married in America ??
POLYGAMY ? is it the answer, or just a bigger headache ? depends....
Once at a "Superbowl party", the women came back from the kitchen and joked that the men "may get lucky" tonight . "LUCKY!" They get together and probably compare notes on how they withhold normal marital sex, and laugh about it while making coffee ! They were comparing notes on emotional and physical TORTURE techniques. Us men were boiling mad , just under the surface, each and every one of us. What happen to the hot sex promised us, and now our stolen youth ?? None of us would have married knowing this was THEIR GAME. 2 of us were finding "something on the side.... and why not ?
2. How many men driving the FREEWAYS home each night are actually MISERABLE ? a lot.