Commentary: Why can't we all just get along?

There's no shortage of talk these days about the growing divide between the political left and the right in this country – but what about the divide between the civilized and the rude?

As a flack who has grown accustomed over the past two decades to the constant hum of a television in the background to keep an ear on any breaking news as I go about my daily business, it's been a shock to the system to keep the small screen off at home. Yet, as a mom of two with a third on the way, I've found it impossible not to shut off the news. What was once substantive and safe white noise has become a barrage of poor judgment and poorer behavior – with nothing I want my children to emulate.

When did it all come down to this?

I grew up with the soaring rhetoric and big symbolism of the Reagan years. I remember the tragedy of the Challenger explosion -- and the deaths of the astronauts and schoolteacher Christa McAuliffe -- and how Reagan responded with eloquence, wisdom and heart.

"I know it is hard to understand, but sometimes painful things like this happen," President Reagan said at the time, directing his remarks to America's schoolchildren. "It's all part of the process of exploration and discovery. It's all part of taking a chance and expanding man's horizons. The future doesn't belong to the fainthearted; it belongs to the brave. The Challenger crew was pulling us into the future, and we'll continue to follow them."

The language – from the "shining beacon on the hill" to the way we described the threats we faced – was expansive, inspiring. "The West will not contain Communism; it will transcend Communism," Reagan predicted in 1981.

But somewhere between "The future doesn't belong to the fainthearted; it belongs to the brave" and "Grab 'em by the p****" we've lost our way. And the road ahead only seems paved with more peril.

It would be simple to lump the devolution of our political discourse into this Trump moment and lay blame at the feet of the man who has wielded grade school monikers like "Little Marco," "Lyin' Ted," and "Crooked Hillary" as weapons against his opponents. But doing so would disregard some seriously bad behavior that predated this presidency and worse, could miss the bigger implications of this culture overall.

It's hard to forget South Carolina Congressman Joe Wilson's infamous "You lie!" shout during a 2009 speech to Congress by President Obama. At the time, his lack of decorum drew shocked responses and reprimands from his fellow lawmakers and other leaders in Washington, and he later apologized for his actions. But he also heralded the dawn of a new era of politics when even the most undignified outbursts have come to be expected – which Wilson experienced firsthand at a town hall earlier this year when his constituents revived the incident with their own chants of "you lie" directed at Wilson himself.

Over the past two years the divisive rhetoric and angry slurs have only sharpened – both in person and in writing. In the war of words between Donald Trump and Elizabeth Warren, between Trump and Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer, and Trump and Bob Corker, the common denominator is the man in the Oval Office. But the common enabler is every one of us. We are allowing ourselves to grow numb to the noise.

It would be one thing if this were just an issue of profane language. The larger problem we face is that these are also issues of foul intentions and even worse outcomes. And until we can speak to each other and see each other as deserving basic respect, it's hard to see how Democrats and Republicans (and Republicans and Republicans) ever come together to enact meaningful policy to advance the country. That is a dynamic that should concern all of us. 

No matter what side of the aisle you are on, it should be a serious warning sign that this administration, with a GOP-led Congress, has failed to achieve a single significant legislative accomplishment in an entire year -- mostly because of differing ideas, but also because of our lawmakers' inability to actually speak to each other. The system is no longer flawed or slowed by design – it is just flawed. And the root of all of it, in my humble opinion, is the nastiness.

During my tenure in Virginia government, my former boss, then-Gov. Tim Kaine was fond of saying, "We can disagree without being disagreeable." And he hews to that as a senator today – trying to reach across the aisle whenever he can – because he believes it. If only this sense of decorum were the norm instead of the exception, I could let my kids watch the news once again.

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