Twin Cities expert offers warning signs of grooming, how to start a conversation at home
All week, WCCO has shared the story of a young woman speaking publicly about what she says happened to her in high school and her drive to create change. She wants to strengthen laws and policies surrounding grooming.
Alison Feigh with the Jacob Wetterling Resource Center, a program of the Zero Abuse Project, says a child's isolation from their adult circle is a warning sign of grooming.
"We tell every kid, every teenager that they should have five adults in their life to make up their safety net. Once you have your five, what we have to watch out for is people trying to separate that child from their net," Feigh said.
She recommends that parents should pay attention to adults who are giving their children extra attention.
"People pouring in a lot of time, a lot of attention, lot of affection, and we want to pay attention to that. Healthy people want to be a part of that safety net. Unhealthy people want to separate kids from that net," Feigh said. "They separate them over a period of time using attention and affection for a period of time, and their number one goal is to try to make the kid feel like they are responsible, they did something wrong, they're a part of it. And those sort of mind games and psychological pieces make it harder for kids to tell because of that consistent attention, affection and that isolation. That combination causes harm to our kids."
She said that it's an adult's responsibility to say something when they see something.
"Only about 6% of students who are groomed will say something. It's very rare for a student to disclose because of all the mind games involved, and that's why it's extra important that other adults have training and say something when they see something," Feigh said.
She encourages adults to start conversations about grooming at home.
"Ask your child, 'Does anyone make you feel uncomfortable?' Let them know you want to know and that they won't be in trouble if they tell you anything," Feigh said.
You can find more information about grooming and child sexual assault, along with resources for survivors and tips for starting conversations about grooming at home here.
- Sexual Violence Center (SVC – Hennepin County)
- Aurora Center (U of MN)
- 360 Communities (Dakota County)
- Hope Center (Rice County)
- Canvas Health (Washington County)
- Alexandra House (Anoka County)
General Sites for information related to sexual assault and resources throughout Minnesota:
General Sexual Assault Websites: