Baffoe: The List Of Chicago Baseball Things You Don't Get To Complain About

By Tim Baffoe--

(CBS) If you're like me (shudder), these are happy days. And it's not just because I'm a few weeks away from the school year ending, ridding myself of parasitic students and living that sweet pants-free air-conditioned couch life for about 10 weeks.  

I'm also living in the epicenter of Major League Baseball, where it has reached a point that a loss by either the Chicago White Sox or Cubs is a record skip in this spring-to-summer-long party that shows no signs of clearing out. This city is the complete opposite of the historical baseball joke you and I are used to.

It's super fun, right? There's nothing to complain about, right? That is, unless your psyche is so scarred that only emptying the glass halfway for everyone else can make you feel normal, unless you can't be comfortable in super fun.

If that's the case, besides smart people laughing at you, I'm going to ask you kindly to shut up. You need to stop watching baseball altogether if your reflex today is to complain about a blemish on either first-place team that show zero signs of relenting.

There are 47 combined wins in town -- and it's May 10. Until further notice, you don't get to complain about any of these parts while the sum is totally fine.

Jason Heyward

The Cubs' splash offseason signing, Heyward has battled a bad wrist since spring training, obviously contributing to the ugly traditional stats he's posting so far, including a .212 batting average and no home runs.

"I know I needed to play, especially at that time — it was so early," Heyward told Comcast Sports Net about playing through the soreness before being sat to rest last week. "I know it's still early, but at that time, we weren't 20-6 (they're now 24-6).

"It was just a matter of — is it going to help the team? Is it going to help me to get it calmed down sooner? I think it was a good time to do so."

Heyward's BABIP is .272, meaning he's been a bit unlucky at the plate this year. His plus baserunning isn't going to slump, and his UZR/150 in the outfield is second-best in baseball behind ...

Adam Eaton

Eaton's playing great ball! His defense in right field has been nothing short of fantastic after so much head scratching last year in center field! His baserunning isn't great, but it's not terrible! He'll probably regress somewhat, but so what right now? The Drake LaRoche leadership comments, though, are still totally fair game for ridicule. He never gets to live that down.

Jake Arrieta And possible PED use

Every time this is insinuated without actual proof, Arrieta should get to do pilates on that person's face.

Robin Ventura

There will always be that faction of White Sox fans out there who will never warm to Ventura because he's doesn't display that coachy rage. They've been largely silent so far this season because they're frightened of realizing how stupid they would sound today. But those fans are lying in the weeds, waiting hungrily for a chance to pounce on the first White Sox five-game losing streak. Credit Ventura for a 23-10 record without what will be a nasty offense when temps hit 80-plus? Nah.

Cubs team themes

The latest theme was featured the very loud suits that team members were mandated to wear on the last road trip.

"Why are they doing that kid stuff?" you or somebody you know while crinkling his or her nose.

"It's not overstated," manager Joe Maddon told the Tribune. "I think there's also a certain amount of risk-taking. For me, it doesn't bother me to walk into a crowd anywhere with a tulip suit on. But there are a lot of people it would bother, and I want them to get beyond that moment because it really means nothing.

"It's pigment. It's different colors. It's (a) design. It has nothing to do with who you are at all. So get over it. And I really believe it benefits you out here (on the field). I do. I believe the fact you're not concerned about superficial nonsense, it permits you to focus and play your game better."

The themes trips are dumb and fun and maybe helpful and certainly harmless to anyone but a militant sports traditionalist, otherwise known as the tool who yells about ketchup on hot dogs. And they're Tim Gunn-approved.

Avisail Garcia

Garcia's not entirely terrible and has a bad hamstring, but people will hate him until he hits 30 homers. Again, the White Sox have 23 wins on May 10. Pick better battles, such as none at all when the team performance has been this good.

Jorge Soler

"WHY AIN'T HE PLAYING, JOE MADDON?"

The Cubs are 24-6.

"BUT I NEED TO SEE SOLER GET MORE AT-BATS."

The Cubs are 24-6.

"ACTUALLY COME TO THINK OF IT, SOLER IS BAD."

Stop.

Cubs hitters' strikeouts

This is the ol' straw to grasp at when people don't understand what's actually going on in 21st-century baseball. "DEY STRIKE OUT TOO MUCH DIS BRYANT AND DA WHIFFS AND STUFF."

The Cubs have the fifth-best K/BB% in baseball. Even when they're striking out, they're collectively going deep in counts, psychologically damaging starting pitchers and screwing up opponents' bullpen plans. Strike out your stupid face. 

Brett Lawrie's whole persona

If he's contributing and the White Sox are winning while he's got his super energy drink commercial attitude and vampire mouthguard schtick going, Lawrie as over-the-top varsity player isn't bothersome. Even though on Twitter he follows @Skittles, multiple unfunny humor accounts and everything about him says he wears Axe body spray on the field.

And finally...

Consternation about a potential Cubs/White Sox World Series

The two teams playing each other in the World Series could actually be quite fun for many fans in this city. Only a selfish jerk would root against such a thing.

I know this positivity thing is new for a lot of us, but enjoy what you have going with Chicago baseball right now. Why create needless misery? Laugh and have fun with all this. Otherwise the rest of us will laugh at you while having fun.

Tim Baffoe is a columnist for CBSChicago.com. Follow Tim on Twitter @TimBaffoe. The views expressed on this page are those of the author, not CBS Local Chicago or our affiliated television and radio stations.