NHL Players Sure Do Love Hitting Each Other In The Groin With Their Hockey Sticks

By Michael Hurley, CBS Boston

BOSTON (CBS) -- Brad Marchand lit the hockey world on fire on Tuesday night when he took his hockey stick and swung it into the crotch of Jake Dotchin.

In a vacuum, this was a repulsive act. To the non-hockey watcher, this constituted unnecessary assault. Surely, no adult men should ever intentionally use a hockey stick to hit another man between the legs. And no adult man should ever expect to be whacked in the crotch by a hockey stick. Hockey sticks hurt!

Nevertheless, to the avid hockey fan, Marchand's controversial stickwork on Tuesday was ... well, it was sort of par for the course.

It's not that such activity takes place every game or even every week. It's just that ... I don't know, there's something about these hockey players that makes the allure of whacking another man in the junk irresistible.

Again, that's not to excuse Marchand from the standpoint of being on the baseline level of humanity. That was bad! And, given his long history of supplemental discipline, he may find himself becoming the first player to ever be suspended for such an act.

However, the reason we know that a player hasn't been suspended for sticking an opponent's crotch is because we have a SURPRISINGLY LONG LIST OF INCIDENTS OF PLAYERS DOING EXACTLY THAT.

Roll the tape!

Sidney Crosby, the golden boy, the face of the league -- he did it just two weeks ago:

Crosby plays 'dirty pool' spearing O'Reilly in groin, from behind by SPORTSNET on YouTube

Milan Lucic is legitimately as tough as they come. He is a monster on skates. And yet, when presented with the opportunity to do this, he did it ... twice!

Milan Lucic spears DeKeyser and Emelin in their groin 2014 HD by Platnium Vxo on YouTube

Marchand is no stranger to the Nether Regional Arts, as he was the victim of a cheap shot from Brandon Prust in the final minutes of a decided game a little over a year ago:

Gotta See It: Prust spears Marchand in groin by SPORTSNET on YouTube

Here's Prust performing a cup check on goaltender Craig Anderson. (Hey dummy, goalies wear cups. Save your energy!)

Here's noted rat Steve Ott getting under Zdeno Chara's skin by literally getting under his skin, basically. Ott may have gotten Chara's stomach, but his intended target seemed clear:

Gotta See It: Ott gets away with spearing Chara by SPORTSNET on YouTube

Ohhh, how the old barn was a-rocking when Zach Bogosian came in out of nowhere to offer a quick "how's your father?" to Nail Yakupov:

Nail Yakupov Zach Bogosian spearing major & fight Winnipeg Jets vs Edmonton Oilers 12/23/13 NHL by Fred Murtz on YouTube

Here's the immortal Brad Staubitz (9 career points, 246 career penalty minutes) wrongly believing he could get away with one:

Brad Staubitz Spearing Major on Brenden Dillon. Feb 8th 2013 by HockeyVideoHD on YouTube

Hey, here's an oldie but a goodie:

Rob Blake Spears Corey Perry in the nuts! by jonathanchoy on YouTube

Not the best footage here, but if you keep an eye on 65 in white ...

Andrew Shaw Spears Zach Smith by Ex Attackers on YouTube

Here's the time a referee thought Zdeno Chara was embellishing a high stick, when in fact it was a low stick to which Chara was reacting:

John Tavares is pretty great, but one time he got hit at center ice and reacted by instantly going blade-to-junk:

John Tavares spearing penalty 12/15/14 by 647 hockeyvids on YouTube

This one's great because Paul Stastny kind of waded into the waters of the crotch shot, a tepid act which only inspired Joe Thornton to cannonball in from the high dive:

Gotta See It: Thornton gets game misconduct for spearing Stastny by SPORTSNET on YouTube

(As an aside, what kind of perverse individual is labeling this under the "Gotta See It" tag up at Sportsnet?)

Hey, Vladimir Tarasenko, how are ya?

Nicolas Deslauriers match spear on Vladimir Tarasenko Buffalo Sabres vs St. Louis Blues Nov 11 2014 by Fred Murtz on YouTube

This next one actually looks accidental, but given the frequency of these events, how can you give anyone the benefit of the doubt?

Scrum end of game, Elias speared in twins. Feb 18 2013 Ottawa Senators vs NJ Devils NHL Hockey by Fred Murtz on YouTube

Finally, get a load of all of these idiots:

Johan Franzen match penalty spear on Perron Feb 7 2013 Detroit Red Wings vs St. Louis Blues by Fred Murtz on YouTube

Clearly, crotch shots are just a part of the NHL's culture. Guys just can't resist. They're holding sticks, they're skating around, emotions run hot ... and sticks go up. It's just a part of the game, apparently, which is something that won't ever make sense to anyone on the outside.

But frankly, maybe it shouldn't make sense to those on the inside either. Most of us stopped doing this in middle school because it's very mean!

I know it will be tough, hockey players. But you can do this. Together, with your combined willpower, you can stop attacking each other's crotches with your hockey sticks. I believe in you.

You can email Michael Hurley or find him on Twitter @michaelFhurley.

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