Pet Peeves

I saw a story in the paper some time ago that really stayed in my mind. It was about a family in Brooklyn, the Flikshteins, who own a monkey they call Cookie.

Cookie is a rare endangered species, so state officials took the Flikshteins to court because they felt Cookie would be better protected at the zoo. Mrs. Flikshtein asked, "So what if Cookie is a monkey? She's part of this family."

The Flikshtein's daughter, Michele, refers to Cookie as her sister. The monkey was successfully toilet trained and seemed to particularly enjoy her evenings with the Flikshteins, when she ate ice cream and watched the evening news.

Maybe I'm imagining this but it seems to me that more and more people are getting more involved with different kinds of pets. One woman is combing her squirrel's hair. Another lady is feeding her pig peanut butter. Another woman is being affectionate with her ferret.

Don't get me wrong I like pets. I even hang out sometimes with a guy who has a dog.

I even thought about actually getting a pet myself someday, maybe a dog. But I'm not too big on dog sheddings, being kind of a semi-clean freak. I'm not really comfortable with a dog that doesn't have hair. I can't explain why. I'm nice to them and certainly wish them the best, but I'm not really comfortable.

And I'm too insecure to own a cat. Cats always seem miffed to me, and I'd think I caused it.

Fish die too soon. I don't need that. And I don't know about having a bird in a cage. I'm sure they resent it. If you could fly, wouldn't you resent being put in a cage?

I'm not going to move toward the exotic stuff like a nonendangered species monkey. I'm a guy who likes to be by myself a lot. I can't see me with a monkey. Naah.