Andy Rooney Goes On A Diet

A group that calls itself the Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development, which has a very fat name, says that three out of four Americans will be overweight by the year 2020.

Well, I'm an American and I plan to lose 20 pounds by Halloween. Never mind 2020.

Unlike people who go on a popcorn diet or a chocolate diet, I know how to lose weight. I weigh too much because I eat too much. I'm not going to count calories or watch how many carbohydrates I eat, I'm just going to eat less.

The only thing I'm going to cut out completely is ice cream. I may have a dish of ice cream after dinner tonight but that's it after tonight I'm finished. I've promised to stop eating ice cream before and I can do it again.

I will lose 20 pounds. Of course I don't want to get too thin because I don't want to look haggard and drawn. My shoes and socks will still fit and maybe my pajamas but I'll have to buy new clothes after I lose this weight. You may not even recognize me on television.

Doctors are always telling people to lose weight. They tell us not to lose weight too quickly and gain it back right away- they call that yo-yoing.

It doesn't seem to me as if eating too much is the only thing that makes people fat, though. We all know people who eat more than we do but who weigh less. We know people who eat less than we do who weigh more. We know, because it makes us mad.

The thinnest people in the world live in Japan and South Korea. Maybe I'll move to Japan or South Korea and see if I get thin.

Written by Andy Rooney