3 Months' Notice? You Get Less For Drink Driving

There are a number of things in every workplace that make no earthly sense. It might be a colleague improbably promoted to a position of responsibility despite possessing all the mental prowess and charisma of an abandoned supermarket trolley.

Or perhaps it is a system of meritocracy that rewards people by the hours they keep, rather than the work they do.

Or perhaps it is a nasty case of false economics, such as downgrading the brand of coffee consumed within the office while the CEO still flies business class.

Of course, inequity and nonsense are the values many companies are founded on. But almost nothing is quite so nonsensical as the three-month, or even six-month notice period when an employee resigns.

Not only is it a direct affront to common sense but it represents one of the most inexplicable false economies around because of the scale upon which this crime against reason is committed.

First of all, the common sense argument. Picture the scene:

"Hi, I've decided that for whatever largely positive and personally rationalised reasons I no longer want to work for this company."

"Fair enough, we will however be keeping you about the place for three months, just to demotivate remaining staff by reminding them their workload is about to get tougher, while advertising the fact there are always more exciting options which lie elsewhere. Furthermore, while you're here we'll convert you from an employee leaving on good terms into one who wishes they'd left earlier, by giving you a series of menial tasks to perform."

The long notice period is the equivalent of a best practice guide that instructs people to rip off a sticking plaster one painful hair at a time, rather than ripping it off in swift and efficient flick of the wrist.

And now the false economy argument. Let's assume long notice periods are normally given to staff in middle-management roles and above. Let's say that denotes a salary of £50,000-plus. That means a company pays £12,500-plus during a three month notice period.

Bearing in mind salaries are set against an expectation of performance from somebody at the top of their game, fully motivated and pulling for the sake of the company, that outlay can never be good value for money.

For that money a company could almost certainly pay for two whole junior team members to take on a lot of the work of the departing individual. And let's not forget, the more senior an employee is, the more pressing it is to pull them back from 'meaningful work' in the interests of data sensitivity and competitiveness, so often they are doing tasks beneath their previous remit.

In any other situation, if a relationship breaks up, people normally do the sensible thing. They cut the sleeves off suit jackets, burns all his ties and throw his possessions on the front lawn. Either that or pour paint-stripper on her car and tell her to move back in with her parents.

Or more sensibly, they accept the need to move on and quickly get on with life post break-up. They certainly don't say: "Well tell you what, shall we stay together for three more months, just to really drive each other up the wall."

(Pic: Peter Kurdulija cc2.0)