What America <i>Really</i> Thinks

Great news! The results for last month's Garver Poll are in. I was very pleased by the number of people who participated, proving that Americans like to give their opinions (and that I might not be the only person who will do just about anything to avoid work). Regarding the accuracy of the poll, remember I have no background in statistics whatsoever. I've never even been all that good at subtraction — especially when a 9 or a 0 is involved. If you are looking for a poll that is statistically accurate, you should check out a real CBS News Poll or some other legitimate survey. If you just want to have fun, keep reading.

Here are the questions that were asked. The answers in BOLD, ALL CAPS, AND UNDERLINED are the ones that most people gave.

1. If the Presidential election were held today, would you be more likely to:

a. Vote for one of the major party candidates?

Or

b. ASK, "WHY AM I VOTING TODAY INSTEAD OF IN NOVEMBER?" (61%)

2. Which do you think might actually be connected to something:

a. That button you push to supposedly make the red light change to green faster?

Or

b. THE VOTING MACHINE WHERE YOU CAST YOUR BALLOT? (55%)

3. What do you think is the bigger "whopper?"

a. Barry Bonds has never knowingly taken steroids?"

Or

b. PRESIDENT BUSH SAYING, "DONALD RUMSFELD HAS BEEN A SUPERB SECRETARY OF DEFENSE?" (86%)

4. Which would put you to sleep faster:

a. AN EXPLANATION OF THE NEW TAX FORMS? (70%)

Or

b. Listening to a John Kerry speech?

5. This summer, which are you more likely to spend $25 on?

a. Bill Clinton's new autobiography?

Or

b. A GALLON OF GAS? (82%)

6. When you are a guest at someone's house for the first time, are you more likely to:

a. TRY TO FIGURE OUT HOW THEY COULD POSSIBLY AFFORD THE PLACE? (75%)

Or

b. Go through their medicine cabinet?

7. Right after a job promotion, would you rather run into:

a. That ex-lover who said you'd never succeed?

Or

b. THAT OLD TEACHER WHO SAID YOU'D NEVER SUCCEED? (68%)

8. Now that "Friends" is over, do you care...

a. More than words could describe?

Or

b. SLIGHTLY LESS THAN WHEN I LEARNED THAT ZIP CODES WERE GOING TO ADD FOUR MORE DIGITS? (96.42%)

Because the poll was so popular, I have decided to continue this feature from time to time. This week, I'm only asking you one question.

This Week's Garver Poll Question:

In a press conference over two months ago, President Bush was asked what his biggest mistake had been and what lessons he may have learned from it. The president couldn't think of any mistakes immediately, and said, "I'm sure something will pop into my head ... Maybe I'm not as quick on my feet as I should be in coming up with one." He still hasn't come up with one.

Do you:

a. Think the President deserves more time to think of a mistake?

Or

b. Think he should have been able to think of a mistake by now?

By Lloyd Garver