This Gold Star Mom A "Black Sheep"
Pat Tillman was an NFL star who left behind his football career to fight for his country. When he was killed in battle in Afghanistan in 2004, his family was told he died defending his fellow soldiers.
Much later, they learned he was actually shot in a case of friendly fire.
Pat Tillman's death resulted in a national outpouring of grief. Tributes were paid to his heroic life and his heroic death. But, none of the Army's versions of how he died was true.
And Mary Tillman isn't alone in frustration.
Just two weeks after Pat Tillman lost his life, Army Specialist Jesse Buryj was killed in Iraq.
His mother, Peggy Buryj, was told he died in a humvee accident, protecting his unit as it came under attack.
But months later, Peggy learned her son had been shot in the back.
And the story kept changing.
"He believed in honor, integrity, loyalty, duty," Peggy says. "Where was their loyalty to him, when they weren't telling his parents and his wife what happened to him?"
The final jolt came with the official autopsy report, as Peggy read the words "friendly fire."
"It was like losing him all over again, burying him all over again," she remembers.
Like Mary Tillman, Peggy Buryj is on a mission to find the truth.
From her Canton, Ohio home Monday -- four years to the day her son was killed, Peggy told Early Show co-anchor Maggie Rodriguez she has "No idea" why the Army "had to lie. There was no good reason in my mind. They should have told the truth from the very beginning. They just made it worse."
On "60 Minutes, Mary Tillman said, "When you're lied to, your brain goes all over the map, and things that aren't really true can appear to be true."
She said later, "This isn't about us, it's about what they've done to the public. This is a public deception."
Peggy says she agrees, and, "What's in your mind is worse than what the truth will ever be. In the wee hours of the morning, your mind goes places you do not want it to go."
Mary Tillman said, at one point, things got so crazy, she actually wondered if her son had been murdered.
Did that ever cross Peggy's mind?
"Oh, yes. (I thought) 'Did they hate him? Did they do it on purpose?' Your mind goes a million different directions when you don't have the truth."
Peggy says the truth may never be known about Jesse's death: "I don't think there is any evidence. They threw away the bullet. There's no proving who shot my son now. There's no proving it. The evidence is gone.
"I would love somebody to take responsibility for my son's death. But I don't think that's ever going to happen, never."
Peggy says she's "a Gold Star mom's worst nightmare," explaining that, "When you're a military family, the idea is that you have complete faith in your leaders and, God forbid, when you lose a son, everything will be handled properly. And I am the painful reminder to them that the military can lie. I think, then, it's hard for them (Gold Star moms) to realize that my story is not like their story. I'm not waving the flag higher and faster, and I'm not going to try to justify the war because my son died in it. This is not about politics and it's not about patriotism. This is -- for me -- just about getting the truth.
"When you hold onto the honor, the loyalty, the dignity, and all that for me has been shattered, so how can I be in with a bunch of gold star families when I'm the black sheep because everything was shattered?"
Peggy says President Bush promised her in 2004 that he'd seek answyersd about Jesse's death, but they've never come, even though he told her, "Sometimes it just takes a phone call from the president."
She showed Early Show cameras Jesee's purple heart, but said, "This is last thing my son gave to me, the last physical thing my son gave to me, but I really don't know (how I feel about it) because they lied so much. My son's blood was not spilt because of the enemy. And I really don't know if he deserved it. And I really don't take comfort with it, because of so many lies surrounding it."
What will to mark today's grim anniversary?
"Me and my daughter, we're going go to the cemetery and visit Jesse. Take him some flowers. Go remember Jess."