Semper Cute And Perky?

Understandably, it's not always easy to get young men and women to join the military. The services have long told possible recruits that if they enlist, they not only get to serve their country, but they get to see the world and receive an education. Now they have a new enticement that is consistent with today's society: "Join up and we'll give you a free nose job or breast implants."

Members of all four branches of the U.S. military can get cosmetic surgery for themselves and their families. The Army did about 500 cosmetic plastic surgeries last year. I don't mind that taxpayers are paying for these surgeries. I feel soldiers deserve any kind of medical treatment that they may wish. They're risking their lives. Let them look pretty while they're doing it if that's what they want. I'm just surprised that the epidemic of cosmetic surgery has reached into the military.

I shouldn't be so surprised. The number of cosmetic procedures has skyrocketed in recent years. Breast augmentations keep going up — and out. The same goes for liposuction, eyelid surgeries, and hair transplants. And about a quarter of all procedures are performed on people between the ages of 19 and 34. People are getting rid of "age lines" before they even have age. I guess soldiers are entitled to be just as vain as the rest of us.

There's nothing wrong with people trying to look younger. If it makes them feel better and they're aware of any possible risks, go for it. But why do so many people feel a need to do it? Why are we still so obsessed with looking young? What happened to "40 is the new 30?" and "you're only as old as you feel?" We're lucky to live in a time when all these anti-aging choices are available to us. It's just a shame so many people feel they have no choice but to use them.

I don't know if anyone will actually join the military just to get free nose jobs for the whole family. "Join Up And We Promise Nobody Will Ever Shoot At You" would seem like a more effective lure. But I know that's not realistic. So, maybe some people will actually enlist because of the cosmetic perks. Will the recruiting officers start showing "before" and "after" pictures? Will they be saying things like, "Son, you'll be proud to wear this uniform and this new chin?" Drill instructors will no longer be exaggerating when they tell the new recruits, "We're going to give you a whole new body." Maybe we'll start hearing things like, "She's a tough soldier. She's full of silicone and vinegar."

Will they be doing sex change operations next? Are the Marines going to say, "We're Looking For A Few Good Men. But If You're A Woman, We Can Fix That?"

The whole thing seems so, well, un-military. It goes against the image of the soldier. Superficial looks aren't supposed to be important to soldiers. It's who you are on the inside that counts. Traditionally, tough soldiers proudly showed off their scars; they didn't try to hide their laugh lines. Soldiers got fit through exercise, not liposuction. They didn't worry about sleep, let alone if their eyelids were a little droopy. In the past, soldiers always wanted to be in a unit with a good cook. In the future, are they going to want to be in a unit with someone who does good noses?

Maybe I'm being irrational. It's just hard for me to get used to the idea. But just because someone has cosmetic surgery is not going to make him or her less brave or a worse soldier. It's even possible that cosmetic surgery could make them better soldiers. If you feel better about yourself, you probably do a better job.

But I do have one caveat for you soldiers out there. A spokesperson for the Army says that one reason they're happy to do these surgeries is because "the surgeons have to have someone to practice on." Doesn't your GI butt deserve a doctor who's already had practice?

By Lloyd Garver