Questions For "Scooter's" Jury

Before they assemble the jury for the "Scooter" Libby trial, prosecutors may want to check in with CBS News Legal Analyst Andrew Cohen first.



(AP)
So you want to be a juror in he upcoming (it starts today) perjury and obstruction trial of former White House official I.Lewis "Scooter" Libby, eh?

No problem. Just answer the following questions, please.

1. If and when you see Vice-President Dick Cheney on the witness stand later in the trial on behalf of the defense, will you want to: 1) stand up and cheer; 2) duck and cover, or 3) wonder aloud if the courtroom microphone is going to interfere with his pacemaker.

2. When Bob Woodward of the Washington Post is dragged to the witness stand, will you: 1) still want to ask him who "Deep Throat" was; 2) be disappointed that he doesn't look like Robert Redford, or 3) think about all those silly interviews he does with Larry King.

3. When you first take a look at the defendant, will you: 1) wonder how a grown man with such power could be called "Scooter"; 2) wonder what the "I" stands for at the beginning of his name, or 3) figure he has got to be guilty of something with all those slick attorneys hanging around him.

4. Will you pay attention to what special prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald is saying in court or will you: 1) start thinking about Kevin Costner in the "Untouchables"; 2) wonder whether his hair is ever going to move, or 3) resent him for not indicting Karl Rove.

5. If and when Tim Russert of NBC News testifies, will you: 1) bring a copy of "Big Russ and Me" for him to sign; 2) bring your Redskins' cap and remind the big Buffalo Bills fan of Washington's big win in Super Bowl XXVI, or 3) expect him to start asking questions of the lawyers instead of answering them.

6. Do you even remember what political conflict brought about the investigation that brought about this case? If so, try to explain it in less than 50 words without using the words "yellow cake." And can you find Niger on a map? If so, prove it.

7. If this trial lasts longer than one month, what are you most likely to do: 1) fake a seizure so you can get out of further jury duty; 2) buy a new notepad so you can continue to keep notes for the tell-all book you are going to write, or 3) start making a papier mache voodoo doll of Fitzgerald, Libby and the judge.



  • Andrew Cohen

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