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Jaycee Dugard's Personal Journal Revealed: "I Don't Want to Hurt Him...I Want to Be Free"

(Family Photo)
(AP Photo/El Dorado County Sheriffs)
(Nick Stern)
(Family Photo)
NEW YORK (CBS/AP) Jaycee Dugard desperately wanted to be "free" but also hoped no harm would come to the couple accused of holding her captive for 18 years, according to her personal journal entries released today in court documents.

Photo: Jaycee Dugard.

Photos: Inside Jaycee's Terror Tent
Photos: Inside Phillip Garrido's House
Photos: The Search For Jaycee
Photos: Jaycee Lee Dugard Found Alive

"I don't want to hurt him," prosecutors say she wrote in 2003. "Sometimes I think my very presence hurts him…so how can I ever tell him how I want to be free. Free to come and go as I please… Free to say I have a family. I will never cause him pain it it's in my power to prevent it. FREE."

Photo: Phillip and Nancy Garrido, Dugard's alleged abductors.

Photos: Inside Jaycee's Terror Tent
Photos: Inside Phillip Garrido's House
Photos: The Search For Jaycee
Photos: Jaycee Lee Dugard Found Alive

Phillip and Nancy Garrido are currently awaiting trial for kidnapping Jaycee Dugard from a California street in 1991. She was 11 at the time. Prosecutors allege they kept her captive in their Antioch, Calif., backyard for nearly two decades, during which time Phillip Garrido repeatedly raped her and fathered two children with her. She had her first when she was only 14.

Photo: The backyard tent where Dugard was allegedly held for years.

Photos: Inside Jaycee's Terror Tent

Thursday, California prosecutors released the partial journal entries, attributed to "Jane Doe," as part of an effort to bar the Garridos from making contact with Dugard.

Photo: Jaycee Dugard.

Photos: Inside Jaycee's Terror Tent
Photos: Inside Phillip Garrido's House
Photos: The Search For Jaycee
Photos: Jaycee Lee Dugard Found Alive

They allege the Garridos continue to try to manipulate the woman they have brainwashed and tortured since she was a child.

Dugard has "emphatically stated to our office that she does not want any contact with the defendants or their attorneys," El Dorado County District Attorney Vern Pierson said in the documents. "The people ask this court to protect Ms. Doe and to, once and for all, put an end to the defendant's manipulation."

In order to show the hold the Garridos had on Dugard, they offered this heartbreaking 2004 journal entry.

"It feels like I'm sinking. I'm afraid I want control of my life," Dugard wrote. "This is supposed to be my life to do with what I like…but once again he has taken it away. How many times is he allowed to take it away from me? I am afraid he doesn't see how the things he says makes (sic) me a prisoner…Why don't I have control of my life! I feel I can't even be sure my thoughts are my own…"

The document also says that the Garridos made extensive plans to have Dugard help them if they were ever arrested including hiring her own lawyer so that her attorney and his could communicate without law enforcement listening.

Prosecutors also allege that Phillip Garrido's attorneys have made repeated attempts to discover Dugard's current location and make contact with her.

Dugard and her two children are currently living with Dugard's mother, Terry Probyn, in a secret location.

MEDIA
Photos: Jaycee Dugard "Happy To Be Back"
Photos: Inside Jaycee's Terror Tent
Photos: Inside Phillip Garrido's House
Photos: The Search For Jaycee
Photos: Jaycee Lee Dugard Found Alive

THE JAYCEE LEE DUGARD STORY
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  • Neil Katz

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