Dr. Phil McGraw not only believes there really is someone out there for everybody, he says he can actually help you find Mr. Right.
America's therapist says you've got to be smart about finding the right guy and says he's written a guide so you can "bag him, tag him and take him home."
Dr. Phil sat down with Early Show co-anchor Rene Syler to talk about that guide, a new book called "Love Smart: Find The One You Want... Fix The One You Got."
In the book, Dr. Phil offers his unique advice and insights. The book is very humorous and the first chapter includes dating disaster e-mails:
- "I was on a blind date two weekends ago. We couldn't meet in a club because being in a place that serves liquorwould violate his parole."
"The last time I had a second date I think he called by mistake. He ate dinner like it was an eating contest, rushed out like he was double parked and I was back home before my dog even knew I was gone."
The guide is McGraw's eighth book on dating.
Finding Mr. Right starts with a plan.
"First, you don't have to have a man in your life or a woman in your life to be whole and complete," Dr. Phil said. "This book is written for people who want to have a relationship in their life. So you don't have to have it to do that. But if you want it, you've got to go at it with a plan. And, you know, it's find the one you want and fix the one you got. You've got to stay active in your relationship that you have. I talked to the people that are already in a relationship about how to keep it alive. Keep it hot."
He says the the second part of the book deals with keeping the sizzle in your relationship so it doesn't get flat.
"I'm reading this and I'm thinking married life is tough, but I'd rather be kicked in the hindside with a frozen boot than be single again," Syler said.
"This dating thing is really scary."
Dr. Phil says he realizes it's tough out there. If you've got a plan, you've got an incredible edge over everybody else.
"A lot of women are in a relationship, but men don't seem to have the same urgency about making the commitment or getting married that women do. And think about it. You socialize differently. What do little girls do when they are growing up? They are in their bedroom, they've got their dolls. They are walking down the aisle and playing wedding. They are putting a Kleenex on their head like a veil. Have you ever heard of a guy that got his G.I. Joe, borrowed his sister's Barbie and played wedding in his room? No, I don't think so. There's just a different socialization. So if you want to close the deal, find the guy and close the deal, you got to have a plan. That's what this book is all about.
The first part of that plan is to love yourself.
Dr. Phil says his research finds that the number one thing that bothers men about women is they try to be all things to all people.
Decide who you are and love that person first. If you wouldn't date you, nobody else would date you.
"What you've got to do is fall in love with yourself. Not in an egotistical, prideful way. But what's my defined product? Who am I and that's the horse I'm going to ride. If he doesn't like it, somebody will. I'm going to be who I am," he said.
Determine your personal truth.
"I strongly believe we generate the results in this life that we believe we deserve. And so you've got to decide what you deserve and then you've got to get out there and generate results that are consistent with that.
Get to the point early.
"I have a chapter in this book called 'Infrared Dating.' You are going to kiss some frogs along the way, but you don't need to drag this guy along for four months before you figure out that he can't commit to dinner, let alone a relationship. So it's infrared dating. It says how to get past these questions like, 'What's your sign? and 'What's your major.' Forget that. Ask what you want to know. We talk about some very secret questions that you can ask to find out things that they don't necessarily know what they are telling you."
Create a personal sound byte.
In a nutshell, be able to say who you are in 20 seconds or less.
"Remember in school when you took speech, they used to tell you always memorize your beginning and your end and then the rest of it will flow. Think before you get out there," Dr. Phil said. "If somebody says, 'So, Rene, who are you?' and you are like, 'Well, I don't know.' If you are going to be with some guy and you say here's what I absolutely want him to know about me before we go home, know what that is. Lead with it. Get it out there."
Dr. Phil returns to The Early Show Tuesday morning to offer some dos and don'ts of first dates.