Excerpts From Chapman Parole Hearing

Excerpts from the Oct. 3 parole hearing of Mark David Chapman at Attica state prison. The questioners are members of the three-man parole board panel hearing Chapman's case. He was denied parole.

Chapman: Yes, I have.

Q:... why you had to single this guy out?

Chapman: I was feeling like I was worthless, and maybe the root of it is a self-esteem issue. I felt like nothing, and I felt if I shot him, I would become something, which is not true at all.

Q: Hm hmm.

Chapman: But that's why I shot Mr. Lennon.

Q: And him in particular because he was someone that you admired, or you looked at him and his stature, and you thought this would have some impact on your life, sir?

Chapman: Well, I originally - what happened was I was in the library, and I was looking through some books, and I came across a book called One Day at a Time, and I saw him there with photographs in front of his residence, the Dakota, and I was full of anger and resentment, you know. I took it upon myself to judge him falsely for - for, you know, being something other than, you know, in a lotus position with a flower, and I got angry in my stupidity. So it started with anger, but I wasn't angry the night I shot him. ...

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(Chapman made one trip to New York in 1980 intending to kill Lennon but returned to his home in Hawaii without doing so.)

Q: Was she (Chapman's wife) aware of your plan?

Chapman: She was not until I came back the first time and told her what had happened and told her that it was OK. And I lied to her and told her I threw the gun in the ocean, which I didn't. And I told her it was over, but it wasn't. My grandmother came, and I remember driving her around and her friends - she's passed on now so I can speak about that - driving around in the car, and just these thoughts just keep - it was an obsession. It was like the thoughts kept coming in, and I - I accepted them.

Q: It was an obsession you couldn't control, and you had to get it done, would that be correct?

Chapman: I feel that on the night of the crime, it was an obsession, but I could have controlled it earlier. I could have turned it around, and that's why I pled guilty, because I could have stopped, you know. I - at the time, you know, you are so swept up in it that you just kind of have to go with where this takes you, but earlier I could have not stepped into a river, and that's where I was wrong. I could have changed it, and I chose not to. I felt honestly in my heart the Lord told me twice, don't do this, you know, and I told himno, basically and went my own way. That's what happened. ...

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Q: How do you think you have improved yourself in the prison setting, sir; what have you done to advance your cause?

Chapman: Well, the first few years were hard because the adjustment to incarceration, and I over the years, say the eighties, have gotten relatively slowly but surely on a more even keel mentally. I attribute that to God, and I attribute that to being by myself for a number of years and just having time probably alone and to think this out. And then toward the end of the '80s, I just started clearing up. I had a clear mind. I didn't feel I was schizophrenic, and I put down for the family reunion program, and people started coming to see me on a regular basis. I became, if you will, more religious. And in the '90s, I kept on getting better and better and clearer and clearer and on my feet again. ...

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Q: Where are you planning to live if you are paroled, Mr. Chapman?

Chapman: Well, I wrote down there that I would immediately try to find a job, and I really want to go from place to place, at least in the state, church to church, and tell people what happened to me and point them the way to Christ.

Q: When you say find a job, do you have any particular focus?

Chapman: No. I asked a friend of mine to try to find me a job. Obviously, there's some things that I can't do, couldn't do. And he talked to the farmer, a neighbor of his, and the farmer said, let me think about it for a while, which I can't blame him. And he said that after some soul searching, he would give me a job on his farm. ...

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(Chapman describes how he had celebrities in mind other than Lennon to attack in 1980).

Q: How could we have confidence that you wouldn't - there's famous people. How could we have confidence this would not be repeated? Do you have any thought on that?

Chapman: Well, I - I don't feel - I'm not that type of person any more. I - I'm closer to the Lord. I don't think of famous people as quote/unquote famous people any more. I see them as people. I didn't see John Lennon as a person, and now I do, and I think I've over that vanity.

Q: So it was vanity for you as well?

Chapman: Absolutely.

Q: You wanted attention?

Chapman: Sure.

Q: Widespread public attention?

Chapman: Yes, sir. ...

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Q: In conjunction to what you've talked about with us just now, about you being alive and Mr. Lennon not being, you are well aware, of course, there are many, many people who are very upset with what you've done?

Chapman: Rightly so.

Q: Have you given thought to your own safety if released, and do you have a concern about that?

Chapman: I've given thought to it. I - once again, I feel that God would protect me if I was ever let go, and I believe he kept the lions' mouths shut in Daniel's den. And I think e can do the same for me if he so chooses, and I would leave most of that up to him. I would still be practical. I wouldn't work at McDonald's, but I would leave most of that up to him. I would watch myself and that kind of thing, but I have given it thought. ...

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Q: Are there any other areas you feel you should straighten out, as you put it, any false perceptions that you feel should be straightened out for this panel?

Chapman: Yes, sir. I don't think I'm a celebrity. A chimpanzee could have done what I did.

Q: Being a chimpanzee - that doesn't mean you are a chimpanzee or not a chimpanzee.

Chapman: What I mean is there was no skill in what I did, and anyone could have done this. Anyone could have pulled the trigger, and I'm nobody special, and I just wish it was that way. Unfortunately, it's not, but I do wish I was a big nobody again. That's true. I wish this had never happened. ...

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Q: Mr. Chapman, anything else you'd like to add to the interview, something we haven't discussed already perhaps?

Chapman: Yes. Do I have a moment to speak or -

Q: Of course.

Chapman: I want to say ... I don't have a right to be here. I gave up that right on the night of December 8th when I willingly took John Lennon's life. I - what I did was despicable, as I said in the report, and I don't feel it's up to me to ask to be let out. Again, I believe that once you take a person's life, that's it. And I will not appeal any decision you have. If it's a decision to continue me here in the prison, I will not appeal it, and I never will. I'd like the opportunity to apologize to Mrs. Lennon. I've thought about what it's like in her mind to be there that night, to see the blood, hear the screams, to be up all night with the Beatle music playing through her apartment window. I would like to straighten out one other thing about that. I have heard - I don't know if it's true or not - I've heard that she feels I would harm her and her children. That's absolutely not true. I never had that thought, and I would not harm her or her children. And I'm not saying that to try to get out. I'm saying that's the truth. I don't have that in me any more, and it's gone, but unfortunately, it involved a person.

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