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It Turns Out Pharrell is Not a Vampire

That's right, ladies and gentlemen. Despite our previous convictions, Pharrell is not, and never has been, a vampire. I know this is sad news for TVD fans across America, but it is true.

I understand that this news may bring about some serious doubt. Many of you may be asking, "But Vanessa, how could you possibly be sure that Pharrell is not a vampire?" Well, my friends, I have proof!

NBA All-Star Concert and Performances 2014
(Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)

This story begins with one simple number. Did you know that Pharrell is 40-years-old?! Yes, it's true! He looks fricken fantastic! As with most celebrities, his youthful image has raised some questions among the media. While most point a finger at plastic surgery or some magical, age-defying potion, one reporter questioned Pharrell's mortality.

In a recent interview, Pharrell was blatantly asked if he is a vampire. He quickly squelched the rumor and said:

"I'm willing to go on record as saying that I don't drink people's blood. How do I stay so young-looking for a 40-year-old? I wash my face."

What a relief! Now that this rumor has been expelled, we can feel at ease while humming Pharrell's addictive and infectious new tune 'Happy.' And remember kids, always wash your face because Pharrell said so.

Vanessa Rao/ CW44 Tampa Bay

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