How a romance scam cost a Pennsylvania widow her life savings, home and dogs
Kate Kleinert was used to getting friend requests on Facebook from people she didn't know, and normally she wouldn't accept them.
But one day, she accepted a friend request and a message that changed her life forever.
"I was not looking for romance by any means," Kleinert said. "I answered it, and then he was like, 'Oh, well, how are you,' you know, 'My name is Tony.'"
Kleinert said she and the man claiming to be "Tony" hit it off immediately. He told her he was a surgeon working in Iraq and had two kids. He was sweet and handsome, she thought. Before you knew it, they were talking multiple times a day. She would even email with his children. At least, that's what she thought.
"I had been widowed for 12 years at that point," she said. "It was nice talking to a man again, and every single night he would call me and say, 'How was your day, honey,' nobody asked me that anymore."
The two communicated for months before Kleinert said he ever asked her for money. But then he kept asking, always for a different reason, usually something urgent. He needed it for his kids, food, or to get a better WiFi signal to call her. He claimed it was difficult, even dangerous, to move money around in Iraq. But he always promised he'd pay her back.
Eventually, he needed funds to fly to Philadelphia so he could see her in person. By then, Kleinert was out nearly $40,000.
"Tony" ultimately never showed up on the day he was supposed to land at Philadelphia International Airport.
"Losing that amount of money was devastating, but losing that relationship broke my heart," Kleinert said.
Protecting yourself from romance scams
It's the dark and dangerous side of online love that's impacting tens of thousands of people, mostly in secret.
The FBI warns romance scams and stories like Kleinert's are not uncommon.
"The numbers seem to increase year after year, after year," said Joe Wolfley, a cybercrimes special agent in the FBI's Philadelphia Field Office. "Unfortunately, everybody can be the target of this."
Wolfley said scammers scour social media for details and information to lure their victims. Being mindful of what you share publicly is the first step to protecting yourself, he said.
"These scammers are really good," Wolfley told CBS News Philadelphia. "They have scripts. They have all sorts of information they can pull from."
If you suspect you're being targeted in a scam, the FBI recommends researching any photos the person shares to see if the image, name, or details have been used elsewhere. Kleinert now knows the pictures of "Tony" were stolen from the Instagram account of an actual surgeon in South America.
Consumers lost $1.14 billion to romance scams in 2023, the most recent year for which data is available, according to the Federal Trade Commission. A recent survey by cybersecurity firm Malwarebytes found more than 65% of respondents reported being targeted by a romance scam, and 10% said they'd lost at least $10,000.
What makes this crime particularly cunning is that victims aren't just left without money but heartbroken and often embarrassed even to report it. In Kleinert's case, she hadn't shared what she was going through with anyone, including her own family.
Eventually, Kleinert gave her scammer so much money that she couldn't afford to fix her broken air conditioning unit a few months later. She plugged in an old portable unit to cool her living room in the meantime, but one night, it sparked a fire. She lost her entire home and six foster dogs who didn't make it out alive.
"I was really stripped down to nothing," she said.
Starting over
Looking back, Kleinert admits there were several moments where she questioned herself and what she was doing but didn't listen to her gut.
"I was so stubborn," she said. "I was, I think, ignoring the red flags because I wanted it so badly."
Kleinert was forced to start again after the scam. She's since found a new purpose in helping others by sharing her story and connecting with scam survivors.
Kleinert advocates with the AARP's Fraud Watch Network. She's even spoken at the White House.
She encourages people to speak with their loved ones about these scams, but more than anything, she wants others who have been scammed to know they are not alone.
"I'm not going to hide," Kleinert said. "It's a tough story to tell, but if it stops somebody else from falling for this, then it's worth doing."
If you think you've been the victim of a romance scam, you can report it to the FBI's Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3) by visiting ic3.gov.
AARP also has a fraud helpline offering free emotional support to anyone, either by calling 877-908-3360 or online.
Do you have a money question, a consumer issue, or a scam story you want to share? Email InYourCorner@cbs.com