Right Job For The Man

Some Jobs Are Just Not Right For Andy Rooney’s Temperment

A weekly commentary by CBS News Correspondent Andy Rooney :


If you've ever been out of work and had to look for a job, you never get over occasionally looking at the Help Wanted listings in the newspaper. You never know.

I'm glad I have work, though. There are too many jobs I wouldn't want or couldn't do.

A lot of companies are looking for accountants for example. Well, I know the multiplication tables up through 12 times 12 but that's as far as go in accounting for anything.

A lot of terrible jobs out there.

I wouldn't want to work at taking other people's dogs out for a walk twice a day. I like dogs but one at a time and I don't even like taking one out for a walk, especially in the city.

I like to drive but I'd hate to have the job of driving the pickup truck behind a trailer that says Oversize Load.

The job of removing gum from a New York City sidewalk doesn't appeal to me.

Rooney: Can you tell spearmint from peppermint or anything like that?

Worker: Only when it melts, you can get to smell the flavor.

Being a street corner Christmas Santa Claus isn't anything I'd want to do. I don't think I can be jolly and ring a bell for eight hours a day.

I wouldn't want to be a toll-booth collector, either. Everyone who has to pay dislikes the toll collector.

Some fruit stands hire men to stand around watching to make sure no one steals their apples. That's not a job I want. I don't think people who like apples steal anyway.

One of the jobs I wouldn't take for a million dollars is being an airport security guard. Can you imagine looking into other people's suitcases all day for a living?

It's bad enough looking into your own suitcase.

Everyone needs to get some satisfaction from his job and if you were a security guard, satisfaction would come from catching someone trying to sneak something past you.

I'll bet there are security guards who have worked for eight hours a day for 10 years without ever catching anyone trying to get anything past them.

No one with any sense of privacy would want to make a living patting people down. You'd have to be a little careful where you patted them - but not too careful, of course.

Why isn't it a job for the United States Army? The Army should enlist some bright young kids and train them to be security guards. Put a couple of them on every airplane. Airlines are in trouble. Don't charge them for this. What job could the Army be doing more important than making flight safe?

Written By ANDY ROONEY ©MMI, CBS Worldwide Inc. All Rights Reserved