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Can You Spot the Best Sales Message?

Last week, I offered to tune some field messages in the post "Let Me Tune Your Message...For Free." I've already gotten some messages to play with, but I thought you guys might want to join in the fun. Here are field messages from businesses in three different industries. Can you spot the winning message amidst the also-rans?
  • MESSAGE #1: Travel Agent: "I realize most people make their own travel arrangements, but before you secure your itinerary, send it to me and let me beat your price!"
  • MESSAGE #2: Employment Agency: "Search, Interview, Employ. You can get direct access to over 20,000 industry specific Job Seekers quickly and easily. Recruit online now and save time and money."
  • MESSAGE #3: Office Supply Store: "One Call. One Source. One Solution."

Click here for the correct answer »

The correct answer is: MESSAGE #1: Travel Agent
Here's why. Message #1 makes the customer into the protagonist, with the seller in a supporting role. It adds explains the value-add in a way that makes sense to anybody. And it self-qualifies the sales leads.

Message #2 crutches on a meaningless phrase "industry specific job seekers", and uses jargon that's so overused that it's lost any real meaning ("quickly and easily" and "save time and money".)

Message #3 could be from any B2B company in the world. Also, the "one solution" might not be for everyone. So I have no idea what they're talking about.

READERS: Please keep sending me messages. I've gotten several... and I'll be posting on them soon, but I still have bandwidth for a few more.

UPDATE (5/4): There have been numerous comments critical of Message #1 because it sells price rather than value. I point out the problems with these comments in today's post "Selling Value is Sometimes Stupid."

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