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Rooney on Thanksgiving November 22, 2009 10:25 AM
- 60 Minutes, 11.22.09
November 22, 2009 10:45 AM
- James Cameron's Avatar
November 22, 2009 10:15 AM
- Maziar Bahari: Witness
November 22, 2009 10:07 AM
- The Cost of Dying
November 22, 2009 10:06 AM
- Web Extra: At Home, At Peace
November 22, 2009 9:47 AM
- Web Extra: Comfort and Costs
November 22, 2009 9:44 AM
- Extra: "A Peaceful Terrorist"
November 22, 2009 9:44 AM
- Extra: "Mr. Hillary Clinton"
November 22, 2009 9:36 AM
- Web Extra: A Defining Moment?
November 22, 2009 9:32 AM
- Web Extra: Target Audience?
November 22, 2009 9:32 AM
- Web Extra: His High-Tech Cave
November 22, 2009 9:24 AM
- Preview: Witness
November 21, 2009 5:05 AM
- Preview: The Cost of Dying
November 20, 2009 11:47 AM
- Preview: Cameron's "Avatar"
November 20, 2009 11:43 AM
- On The Set of "Avatar"
November 19, 2009 10:34 AM
- Kroft's Reporter's Notebook
November 19, 2009 11:39 AM
- 60 Minutes, 11.15.09
November 15, 2009 4:58 PM
- Rooney on U.S. Citizenship
November 15, 2009 4:57 PM
- Resurrecting Eden
November 15, 2009 4:53 PM
60 Minutes, 11.22.09 
James Cameron's Avatar 
Maziar Bahari: Witness 
The Cost of Dying 
Web Extra: At Home, At Peace 
Web Extra: Comfort and Costs 
You see its one thing to use your platform or success to continue to rehash or vent out of vengeance ( which perry is NOT doing), and its another aspect to share with others your pain, your progress, and even your relapses that will in turn help others get free from the same bondage that you were entrapped in. This is why effective communication is so important in families, neighborhoods, churches, etc. Communication, in the context of the family. It is through communication processes that parents, children or just plain people express their needs, wants, concerns, as well as their love and admiration for one another. However, Perry?s story also teaches us, just as effective communication is almost invariably found in healthy families, poor communication is typically associated with unhealthy family relationships which can continue in adulthood. Researchers have discovered that poor communication can lead to numerous family problems, including excessive and never ending family conflict, fights, ineffective problem solving, lack of intimacy, weak emotional bonding, and revengeful, destructive behavioral problems & lifestyles.
Consistent Communication or sharing can be used as a tool to help heal ones emotions, push them to the next level to face their fears, and helped them walk in healing and grace toward a bright future,
Reconciliation or forgiveness does not deny the survivors right to stop talking about or sharing their story. How can the cycle of abuse end in your family or the next generation if you stay silent? How can others be inspired and have hope if you stop sharing or in your words rehashing your TESTimony? That's like a cancer survivor not sharing their pain and victories with others who need encouragement and hope that are fighting the same disease/sickness.
Don't confuse forgiveness with reconciliation- Differing from forgiveness, reconciliation is a process that is conditioned on the attitude and actions of the offender. Its aim is restoration of a broken relationship--which is often a process. Those who commit significant and repeated offenses ( for example Like Perry father) must be willing to recognize that reconciliation is a process. In many cases, even if the offender confessed his wrong to the one he hurt, and appealed for forgiveness, the offended person could justifiably say, "I forgive you, but it might take some time for me to regain trust and restore our relationship." The evidence of genuine forgiveness is freedom from a vindictive or vengeful response. Reconcilation has different stages that offender or the victim can not rush!
But such forgiveness does not always automatically grant the same level of relationship back--especially when trust has been deeply betrayed. Even when God forgives our sins, He does not promise to remove all consequences created by our actions. Being forgiven, restored, and trusted again is a great experience. Yet it is important for those who hurt others to understand that their attitude and actions will affect the process of rebuilding trust. Words alone are not enough.
When someone has been significantly hurt, and feels hesitant about restoration with his or her offender ( or in this case like Tyler), it is right and wise to look for changes in the offender before allowing reconciliation to begin. This is especially true when the offense has been repeated. Reconciliation requires us to offer a repentant person an opportunity to demonstrate repentance and to regain trust. However, when a person has consistently behaved in a harmful and irresponsible manner, he must accept the fact that reconciliation will be a slow and difficult process. Three main considerations affect the timing of the process of restoration:
The attitude of the offender
The depth of the betrayal or violation
The pattern of the offense (e.g. often repeated offenses
I applaud Perry for showing in emotion that reconcilation has stages, and it is a every day process, especially if your offender is still throwing salt on your wounds ( whether through bitter words, rejection, or manipulation).
Thanks for the comments and to some degree your opinion is just and opinion, but your sarcastic, narcissistic, hypocritical approach in your comments thus far is really bazaar ! While you stated you did not agree with my comments, you never gave a REAL rational example or reason of why you disagreed. Also I find your words some what crude and judgmental to say the least, as if you are jaded or irritated by the fact Perry is consistently communicating- his story or feelings?IF that is the case, then we too have to wonder how you effectively deal with your inner hurts, flaws, old demons of your past, or struggles. It goes to show you how our community lacks effective communication and lack the understanding of true counseling and the process of one?s healing- STOP confusing rehashing with effective communication. Sharing ones inner hurts, tragedies, or triumphs has its benefits?.more so in favor for the one who is releasing the pain from the memory or sharing the joys in passing a chapter test on life?s journey. Mean while I find it amazing that you yourself are not living- neither have applied the lessons of forgiveness and reconciliation in your own life, but yet you criticize another person for the very same act you lack yourself. Stop being a Pharisee. I wish people like yourself would reframe from using their hypocrisy as make up to hide their skeletons, and deep dark secrets and just be transparent and real.
Rehashing ? Or effective communicating?.
You see it as regurgitated old memories and re-bandaging old wounds and Perry sees it as an opportunity to share his testimony. You see it as pointless- rehashing , overly assuming when a person consistently discusses his or her past, this means the person is not over their demise, have failed to move on, or truly forgiven the perpetrator?s pain that they purposely and grudgingly bestowed upon their victims for years---- which is further from the truth------ however the victim sees consistent communication as a method of destroying the cycle of manipulative silence and the years of social isolation which they were forced into for years by their abusers. Communication is one of the hardest obstacles for abuse survivors to overcome, and they come to us ( those who gone through their process) with the hope we can find a way to communicate through whatever means they are best able to do it. They have known failure time and time again in their childhood where abusers taught them to only speak when spoken to and then, to the specifications of the authority figure.
With this said, a platform of communication gives survivors like Tyler Perry the privilege to help them break the silence not only of the abuse, but pull down the wall behind which they are trying to be heard, in Tyler Perry?s case pleading through his writing, his sharing of lessons learned, transparent in his flaws, speech, pen and paper or unfettered hands . He has found communication as a catharsis to help him heal and grow over the past 10 years and as result of his transparency others are finding the courage to talk openly and candidly about their hurts, which develops a healthy cycle of healing and forgiveness.
whateva! no one asked you to regret anything, we can expect from a prideful person, but it would be nice if you had some damn compassion. I too stand by my previous statement and ask WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? you seem to have a misconception of what forgiveness is.
You are sarcastically twisting the man's words in regard to his process. WE ARE ALL ON different levels, in our healing process.
forgiveness has its levels.
Okay maybe somone can explain to this woman( princess which i say very losely more like an emotion less human being)that talking about your past but not getting suck in your past does not mean i have a grudge it simply means im strong enough now to share my story to help other folks.
I wanted to personally Thank you so much for your words of comfort and Being a REAL human being behind the computer. I personally am sick of people trying to put a time table on my healing process as well. As I said in my story to Princess Zay and chater school (please read it when you get a chance) I am now going through intense counseling- i'm scared, angry, but everyday I feel stronger. No one is going to rush my forgiveness process. I mean No one, no even church folk. I also thank Tyler Perry for being transparent even while he is still going through his healing and forgiving process. Now that is a real christian. I dont know why people think once we are over something, we have no obligation to speak out on the very thing we went through to help someone else. That is so damn selfish. Oh so now we are suppose to be quiet about our story. Hell no! keep telling your story so that another child can have hope, or another survivor can have hope. Isn't that what its about? helping someone else on this journey, if not then why have faith.
No disrespect But GET REAL!!! I know many family counselors would tell you the same thing, Get REAL! Your words are easier said than done, which I find no comfort in them at all. Don't compare your journey to forgiveness with others.
As a person who is now going through heavy counseling. I disagree with you and Charter School. Who the hell are you to tell someone stop nursing their wounds especially when the person who hurt you is still throwing bitter salt on your old wounds, while creating new wounds; MAKING IT MORE CHALLENGING TO HEAL PROPERLY? So now you are judging this man' relationship with God all because he is not abiding by a certain church cliché or religious schedule when he suppose to MOVE ON AND GET OVER IT?
Who the heck are you or Charter school to tell someone just to move on....when The hurt or inflicted pain did not happen to you! It is easy to sit back and judge someone from a clip or 30 min interview. We dont know what the man was feeling. It takes months more so years for someone to be completely healed from such damaging experiences, emotions, fears, even learned habits that is not healthy.
Who are you to put a time table on someone's healing? it is a constant fight everyday to choose to forgive and be a whole & better person than the people who hurt you.
I sooooooooo agree with Den1280, and I found so much comfort in the person's words. I am 23 years old , suffered 15 years of abuse ( all types) at the hand of my stepmother and her lovers, but thank goodness my prayers was answered, just recently I was able to see justice served by attending their court sentencing for the murder of my son; my son came through rape by my stepmother's former boyfriends. But what about the others who need closure, and waiting for their justice? You can't just say, oh stop rehashing it, move on. They are dealing with the pain, it takes faith to confront your old demons, ghosts, your past so you can move forward.
Now, I must take the next step and go through counseling which I know will take years to talk through, walk through, forgive and heal. So Don't judge this man's past. Allow God to deal with him and take him through a new journey of healing. People have their methods of healing, and communication or sharing to others is one way of dealing with the old and new issues that arise. seemingly this is an old episode from last year of tyler, whose to say that his wounds are not healing?
That is apart of the healing process and moving forward when you can share and talk about what happened to you and still wish your father well; even when the person still operates in some of his old habits. that is moving forward when you can return to the place --- where you thought you never see another day alive; but yet you realize you made it. That is very brave to return back to the grounds and share your darkest days, while fear, and a appreciation for life in spite the hurt is running through your body.
I am damn near tired of people telling other people oh just move forward when they really dont know all the hell that you went through and still going through.
You call it rehashing, the victim calls it progress and healing. healing takes places in many different stages and times and its not up to you to say when, where, how, and why. God does not need your help, he knows the man, he knows what he can handle and what he needs to deal with now and tomorrow, real Christians call this a personal relationship with thier creator, no guests, or spectators allowed.
CharterSchool...I respectfully disagree with your point of view on this matter. I am thankful to Mr. Perry for sharing his personal testimonies onscreen. I am moved very much by Mr. Perry's recent movies and for talking openly about his abuse. I can very much relate to them as I too was raised in an abusive home. Healing is definitely a process...especially when a person has been abused from early childhood. I believe he has forgiven his father. Abuse cuts deep...and it is never easy to open up and talk about. For this I commend him. I can remember the hurt, confusion, and the shame of keeping quiet about my abusive childhood. I remember not even recognizing I was abused until 19... because to me that's all I ever knew. I believe God is using this man to reach and help others who are living through abuse today and for those like me who are dealing with the after effects (even after forgiveness and counseling almost 20 years later.) Thank you Tyler Perry...God bless and keep you!
I too respect 'your' views but neither do I agree with them.
Tyler exposed his father years ago and had proceeded to rebuild a relationship with him. What is the purpose of him rehashing these allegations now? And not only is he rehashing them he's going into further detail after they both have agreed to heal and MOVE FORWARD! What healing is in any of this for the father, to constantly hear that he was an abusive and terrible? But even MORE IMPORTANTLY, what healing is in any of this for Tyler Perry? He says he's Christian. As a Christian he should remember that after we have dealt with the past and forgiven our offenders, we are admonished to LEAVE THE PAST BEHIND AND PRESS FORWARD ! I wish I could take away his painful childhood but only God can do that. But I can tell you that there is no comfort in re-opening old wounds time and time again especially if he opens them just lick them.
I have to ask the question again. What is the purpose in rehashing these detals 10 years after the healing process had begun? Could it be..dare I say...for publicity value ONLY???
I respect your logic and view point BUT I happen to disagree with your concept of forgiveness and your judgment.... Just because you can relate to Joe Jackson or Mr. Perry Sr., does not give you, or I the right to question or rush someone?s healing process. We don?t know how deep the wounds are, if they are still being afflicted by the offenders, or where they are on their journey to wholeness. Furthermore, whose to say MJ did not authentically & sincerely reconciled with his father- the same questions can be asked about Perry and his father ( you are just going by hear say & assumptions)? You have to understand forgiving does not usually happen at once. It is a process, sometimes a long one, especially when it comes to wounds gouged deep. And we must expect some lapses...some people seem to manage to finish off forgiving in one swoop of the heart. But when they do, you can bet they are forgiving flesh wounds. Deeper cuts take more time and can use a second coat. Furthermore, Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future. You stated you were not the best parent- and therefore you have gotten a second chance with your grandchildren, etc. which is great??? but you never mentioned building a stronger relationship with the ones you hurt- and that?s your children?.. is your relationship with your grandkids based off of guilt for your lack of parenting toward your children? ( these are just questions)?? It is easy for the offender to tell the ones they hurt they need to hurry up and get over it, or give a spiritual twist to their logics, or rush someone?s healing process to satisfy their own conscience??. But the truth is forgiveness is a process?..its a lifestyle.
I don?t believe, Tyler Perry is criticizing his father, he is exposing the behavior ( and that is a big difference) .You can forgive anything. But you cannot tolerate everything...We don't have to tolerate what people do just because we forgive them for doing it. Forgiving heals us personally. To tolerate everything only hurts us all in the long run. Forgiveness has nothing to do with forgetting...A wounded person cannot- indeed, should not-think that a faded memory can provide an expiation of the past. To forgive, one must remember the past, put it into perspective and move beyond it. Without remembrance, no wound can be transcended. I?m so sick of people acting like you have to be senile in order to walk in complete forgiveness and wholeness. Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future. And I think Perry is doing that?..
peace :0)
- by Charterschool October 25, 2009 11:19 AM EDT
- Mine is a faith-based response. I have heard Mr. Perry publicly criticize his dad on several occasions. Just like Michael Jackson did. Joe Jackson was NOT The best dad in the world, but he did what he knew how to do in the best way he could. Similarly for Tyler's dad. I wonder if Tyler has forgiven himself which would allow him to forgive his dad. Having a public forum to criticize one's parents is not in keeping with the WORD and Tyler already knows that. I would hope that in forgiving his dad, that his dad could come to Tyler with a redemptive heart and say, "I'm sorry."
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See all 15 CommentsWe are all creatures of habit. I wasn't the best parent, but I have a 2nd chance to make it up with my grandchildren, god children great niece and nephews, and those children and young adults "assigned" to me and my husband by God.
TYLER: I beseech you...don't await Michael's fate. And allow all of your good success to be swallowed up in pent up/deep-seated anger and bitterness. I love your movies (sometimes I need a good & hardy laugh) and like that you've looked at any audience whom mainly get recogition from Rent-a-Center, Family Dollar, check cashing and Asian-owned beauty supply businesses.
Here's to you to "do the right thing."