December 15, 2010 1:46 PM

Where's Molly?

By
CBSNews
(CBS)  "Where's Molly?" is the poignant question a little boy used to ask many years ago. The answer to that question was a long time coming. Our Cover Story is reported by John Blackstone:

If a picture is worth a thousand words, then the pictures of the Daly Family in the 1950s tell the story of a typical American family: The handsome husband, the perfect wife, and the happy kids.

But then, the pictures change . . . and a family secret was born.

"I would often look at a photo, and I'd say, 'Tell me again who's this,'" said Jeff Daly. "'Well, that was Molly.' 'Where Molly now?' 'She's not here anymore.'"

When older brother Jeff was 6, Molly disappeared. For a while Jeff asked constantly: "Where's Molly?"

He stopped asking after being told repeatedly by his mother he had to forget his baby sister.

"I was fairly, you know, fairly well brainwashed," Daly said. "I think I can say that Molly never crossed my mind for 20 years, maybe 30 years. I mean, she effectively had been shoved away. I'm told I can't do anything more. So, when I hit my teenage [years], my 20s, my 30s, I never really thought about Molly."

That is, until someone else from his past came back into his life.

Cindy Thompson grew up with Jeff in Astoria, ore. The two even dated in middle school. They met again, in 1994, after their 25th high school reunion.

"I had not seen him in probably 25 or 30 years," said Cindy. "And just naturally thought that he had contact with his sister."

"And one of the first things she said to me was, 'How's your mom? How's your dad? And what's Molly doing?' And I almost fell off the chair," Jeff said. "'How, how do you remember Molly?'"

"I said, 'Everybody knew about Molly,'" Cindy said. When Jeff asked her what she knew about his sister, Cindy replied, "Well, she was sent away. I don't know where she went. And I never heard what happened to her. Is she still alive?"

Jeff didn't know. He said it almost ended his relationship with Cindy right there: "Cindy was so upset saying, 'How could you not know where your sister is? How do you not know how she's doing?'"

Jeff and Cindy's relationship grew, and they got married. But it would take another 10 years before the mystery of Molly's disappearance began to unravel.

And it was only after Jeff's parents, Sue and Jack, passed away . . .

"When my father died, Cindy said, 'Time's up. I'm gonna find Molly,'" Jeff recalled. "And we actually found in his wallet a little card that was sort of a cheat sheet. It had his parents' birthdays and Social Security numbers. It had mine. It had Molly's name, Molly's Social Security number and her birth date."

Turns out, Jack Daly also kept a file hidden away about his only daughter. And within 24 hours of Jack's death, the mystery of "Where's Molly" was solved.

Cindy Daly started making phone calls, and on her third call she found the group home in Hillsboro, just outside of Portland, where Molly was actually living.

(CBS)
Three days later, Jeff Daly reunited with the sister he last saw when she was just shy of her third birthday.

Molly was now a 49-year-old woman.

(Left: Jeff Daly and his sister, Molly, today.)

"I wasn't sure what to expect," Jeff said. "But the first time I saw her, it was pain. I felt pained that I hadn't seen her. I knew that I was wrong."

"Knew that you were wrong not trying to find her sooner?" asked Blackstone.

"Yeah, that here, indeed, is this individual that has personality, and she's my sister. And I let her go for 47 years without ever being part of our life."

Because Molly couldn't tell Jeff and Cindy about those missing 47 years, they set about filling in the details, which brought them to the institution where Molly was sent back in 1957: the Oregon Fairview Home.

Fairview has now been closed for almost a decade. The buildings where Molly and thousands of other children lived are in decay. But a film that shows what life was like here in the 1950s gave Cindy and Jeff a disturbing look at how Molly spent her childhood here.

(CBS)
And the last thing Jeff and Cindy expected to see in the beginning of "Fairview 1959" was Molly herself, at age 5.

"When we saw that, we crumbled," Jeff said.

At the time, the film was meant to be a testament to the state-of-the-art care given to patients with intellectual disabilities.

Fairview, founded in 1907, was originally named the "Oregon State Institution for the Feeble-Minded." And it was hardly alone. By 1962, there were 123 state institutions around the country.

James Trent, a professor at Gordon College and the author of a history of America's treatment of those once called "mentally retarded," says Molly's parents undoubtedly acted on what was common advice in the 1950s.

"After World War II in the early '50s, you increasingly had physicians who would tell parents to put their children almost immediately in institutions after they were born if they had an apparent disability," Trent said.

"Most physicians would tell them for the good of the other children in the family, for the good of the stability of the family, it was best to put the disabled child in a state institution," said Trent.

Jeff Daly says that was the way it was done with his sister: "The doctors told my parents, 'It's okay. Let Molly go to Salem. She'll be in an institution. She'll be better off there.'"

But as the Fairview film painfully illustrates, Molly was not better off.

Jeff says that while Molly had some minor disabilities, he believes that when she went into the institution she became "institutionally retarded."

"The environment created her, forced her into being what everybody else in an institution was, which were people surviving," he said.

In combing through Molly's records, the Dalys discovered that, despite the family mandate to forget her, through the years, Molly did have some family visitors.

"My mom went there once from what we understood," Jeff said. "We just found a little note in her records that mother had visited. But, other than that, she didn't visit."

"Was it shame that kept your mother from doing this?" Blackstone asked. "Was it just that she didn't want to acknowledge even Molly's existence?"

"I just have a hard time understanding," Jeff said. "To send her away and say, 'No more conversation. She is not part of our lives. We're not gonna talk to her about it.' So, whether that's shame? It's a horrible dilemma I think that my mother had to go through."

And at first, Molly's father visited often, until Fairview's staff advised him to stop, because Molly would become inconsolable after he left.

But Jack Daly found an ingenious way to continue seeing his daughter...

(CBS)
"He did go back," said Jeff. "It was only a way that I suppose my dad could have figured out. He went back as a clown."

Jeff's father - an executive at the Bumblebee Seafood Company - founded a troupe called the Astoria Clowns in 1957, the very year Molly was sent away. The troupe traveled around Oregon, marching in parades and entertaining children wherever they went.

And they visited Fairview.

"He was able to have this relationship with Molly in disguise: Painted face, an orange wig, wearing the clown outfit," said Jeff. "But he was able to still get back there and see his daughter."

By profession, Jeff was a freelance cameraman who sometimes worked for CBS News. Now, he's made a film called "Where's Molly" about the search for his sister. He hopes his story encourages others to reunite with siblings lost because of the wisdom of earlier times.

He's failed, however, to convince his own younger brother, Tim, to spend time with Molly.

"I've not only lost my brother now, but, he's missing - he's missing out on a great opportunity to have a sister," Jeff said.

For Jeff, finding his sister has done much more than solve a mystery... according to his wife Cindy, he's changed immensely. "He has, as one person said it, 'filled a hole in his soul.' And it really did."

"I have family," Jeff said. "I've lost some family. But I've got family. And I think that the family that I have now needs me, and I'm glad to be there for her. That's the beauty of it. It's a lovely reward to be able to give back and to take care of your little sister."

For more info:
wheresmolly.net

Copyright 2010 CBS. All rights reserved.
Add a Comment See all 87 Comments
by Clatskanie February 8, 2011 9:55 PM EST
Dear Jeff...I was so touched by your story. My son was born the same year as your sister in Astoria, Oregon. I did not know this is what Drs. were recommending then. We did not have to face that. I have told so many about your story. I live near Clatskanie now. Many from Astoria live here and no one had ever heard about this. Of course the Astoria Clowns are so well known in this area. We are looking forward to the film. Bless you and your family.
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by housemanmd December 11, 2010 8:33 PM EST
sounds familiar to that done by a cricket world, famous cricketer, in Australia
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by Trace470 December 5, 2010 3:19 PM EST
What a heart touching story! It is so sad how people used to treat these children with less abilities then the "normal" kids! I had a cousin who was mentally handicapped and my aunt refused to put him in a home; she actually went on a quest to change the way people see the mentally handicapped! Kelly, her son and my cousin, brought happiness to us all when he was around, event thought he couldn't speak or interact with us, but his spirit was strong! She recently wrote a memoir about her strugglesit's called " aTicket to He....". As I was only a little girl when all this happened it's amazing to learn the strength that people have, and gives you great perspective upon your life. I hope that your family is cherishing the times you have together now! Happy holidays to you and yours!
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by JeffDaly December 7, 2010 12:02 PM EST
Once again the power of one or two individuals makes a world of difference. If you are a parent of a child with special needs, know that while your days might be difficult, the impact your child has on everyone around them is tremendous. Thank you for sharing the great story of Kelly and his wonderful mother (and family).
by dholmas December 4, 2010 11:02 PM EST
A few years ago I served on the board of directors for group homes for the mentally disabled. What a rewarding experience. Things have certainly changed over the years for the better. A friend takes care of a man with disabilities. He is a hoot. They were here for dinner tonight and all wants to do is watch a movie on TV and eat plenty of food. I am so happy that you found your sister Molly and you have a long relationship with her.
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by JeffDaly December 5, 2010 11:51 AM EST
We appreciate reading about volunteers like you with no family connection to people with disabilities, just a need to help others. Individuals who serve on Boards hold the fiduciary responsibility of providing for the needs of indivduals in the group homes. You are truly the voice for those who might not be able to speak for themselves. Molly too is a hoot and you provde a good reminder that we are all enriched in our involvement with others. Thank you!
by jmwolffyy December 3, 2010 8:44 PM EST
I am always thrilled to see stories such as yours in the popular media. I too am the sibling of a special needs person. My mom was told to put my sister in an institution when she was diagnosed in 1980! She chose to keep Sarah at home and I learned so many wonderful things about patience and tolerance from her that I probably would have never had otherwise. However when my parents were divorced, Sarah was put into a group home. The good thing was that this was a much smaller group where she was able to get much more individualized care than in institutions of that time. Since that time, I have started working in the field of care of individuals with disabilities, and have met many people from all situations. Some were kept hidden at home as children, others were found living nearly as animals. Some were at home but well cared for and loved and known in their neighborhoods. Others have never known their families. I have met individuals who need major physical and mental care constantly and others who just needed someone to check in on them as they live nearly completely independent lives. Every last individual has an amazing story and I have been very privileged to hear them. I love my sister, and I love that through her disability, I was able to meet so many wonderful people.
Jeff, congratulations on being able to find your sister after she was lost for so long. I am so glad for you that you have been given the opportunity to build a relationship with her. I know well how awesome the feeling can be when you have a great relationship with a wonderful person who just happens to have special needs!
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by JeffDaly December 5, 2010 12:03 PM EST
Thank you for your comment and you are truly a "super-sibling". For a great article on siblings of people with disabilities, go to NYTIMES.com and search for "Her Autistic Brother"s by Karen Olsson, printed Feb. 18,2007. Like you, brothers and sisters growing up together learned first hand about compassion, patience and unconditional love. Thank you for all that you do!
by mrskm2u December 3, 2010 5:40 PM EST
This story, on one of my favorite shows, made me bawl like a baby.
As the mother of a special needs child - with apparently much more severe delays than Molly - I cannot imagine the pain of having him institutionalized. Yet, I think the ways I would cope with being in that situation, and I cannot honestly say that I wouldn't have done the same thing Molly's mother did, if only for my own sanity.
But so glad I don't have to.
Thanks, CBS Sunday Morning, for another enlightening Human Interest Story. We need more of those in our lives.
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by JeffDaly December 5, 2010 12:06 PM EST
CBS News Sunday Morning consistently brings forward human interest stories and looking at the millions of followers, this formula works. We too are thankful for what they do! We urge others who have enjoyed what they produce let CBS know that they are appreciated.
by barbaram99 December 3, 2010 2:30 PM EST
I have read everyone's say..I am appalled of the thinking of the day. I was born in the 50s. People think Drs are right in their thinking..They are not. As children of sp needs suffered. I don't know if any of ye member the story of pillow angel..that was a story in the news in 07..It made me sick that parents forced drs to keep as young child never to grew..They played God with their child...It still goes on. Children grow up . Years ago they did fit sp needs so they could not breed. They did that years ago.
I know people are appalled..I read the history of the blind..Handicapped people did not ask to be handicapped..We are..As people we have the same feeling as our able bodied peers.
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by wbramh December 2, 2010 4:15 PM EST
My family's story. It took me over 50 years to write:

http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2010/2/14/836953/-My-Sister
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by booboobear48 December 2, 2010 9:39 PM EST
I am grateful to your parents and all those who have come before me so that I am able to give my daughter the quality of life she has! However we are still fighting the good fight for these children. We are all "different" in this world and deserve the best life has to offer no matter what are differences are. We all contribute to this world in our own way and perhaps these children who are so pure contribute the most to those who are willing to listen.
by Virginiamarch December 1, 2010 11:07 PM EST
I screamed on Sunday morning when I hearing Molly's story. My first reaction was to ponder how any mother could give up her child. Then I took a breath and reviewed in my mind's eye what choices Molly's mom had. If Molly had been born years sooner, Mrs. Daly could have followed the state-of-the-art treatment prescribed to Rose Kennedy's daughter -- and chosen a lobotomy. Instead, Mrs. Daly followed the educated advice of well-intentioned doctors and sent Molly away -- to a better place (?) She made the popular decision of the day.

Please allow me to fast forward to 1974, the year our daughter was born in Alexandria, Virginia. How lucky were we to have our Mother's Day daughter born just in time for the birth of the EHA, the special ed law that opened the doors for disabled children to attend public schools. We had such high hopes for Sarah. The doors to those dreary institutions were opened and children dispersed to the light of day. There was unanimous celebration across the country. Unfortunately, for the children who had been contained in institutions, their caretakers/handlers came with them and brought draconian practices to our public schools.

Don't take my word for it. I'm just one unhappy mnom whose daughter got lost in the systemn.

Let me tell you about what should have been a wonderful moment at my daughter's first PTA meeting (Sept. 1979) when the light began to dawn. Our daughter was five and I was an enthusiast expecting wonders enrolling my daughter in what was considered to be "the" national model for special ed programs. My first clue that something was amiss was in the delivery by the principal, a lovely woman, who announced to the entire parent PTA body (200 student body) that our children should be sterilized. As a former public school teacher and
DOD teacher in Nurenberg, I could not in my wildest imagination understand where that advice was coming from. Where were the educationhal tools, the prospects of reading, writing, and arithmetic, the communication boaards, the sign language. Unbeknownst to me we had entered a federally funded behavioral research program. My daughter had become a guinea pig. Let's just call it state of the art -- in the 70's, the 80's, the 90's, and on and on since the program still lives.

How gullible must I have been to ask my OB/GYN about the prospect of sterilizing my five year old. Dutifully, I did ask his advice. It was the look of incredulity that he gave me that put me on the path of rejecting harmful practices and idiotic advice. First do no harm should automatically apply to the practices in special ed. as applied to the field of medicine. Teachers take no such oath.

In defense of Mrs. Daly, who followed doctors' orders, and in defense of any mom who listens to fractured advice, let me add this: It never ceases to amaze us how people with titles after their names and ONLY "all-book" sense ascend to positions of prominence and authority, to which they seem ill qualified. Without giving names, our daughter's school principal became special ed director in three school systems and moved on up to Superintendent of Schools.

We are the parents of an adorable daugher who just happens to be multiply handicapped w/autism and hearing impairment. We were charged with taking our daughter from the model Fairfax Co. special ed.center although it had nothing to offer academically and something to hide criminally.

Our story does not end here. I read the many responses to Molly's story and grimaced at what was a collective response to what I perceive to be man's inhumanity to man, let alone children. This is all about profiling.

I haven't stopped thinking about Molly and the blessing of her rescue by Jeff and Cindy. But, it was the picture of the boy in the wheelchair in Molly's film that captured my heart. He was physically impaired but had the werewithal(sp.), the motivation, and the mental capacity to move that chair. The professionals that locked his brain away should be ashamed of themselves. But for the grace of God, there go any one of us, any one of our children, and/or any man or woman placed in harm's way in the military.
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by JeffDaly December 2, 2010 10:51 AM EST
We appreciate you sharing your story and the history of the treatment of people with disabilities. The eugenics movement ( and forced sterilization of individuals who lived in institutions)is another part of this sad history. A good background story can be found in Elle Magazine October 15, 2010 by Nina Burleigh called "The Race to Find Myself." Our documentary contains the entire short film that you mention and was produced in Oregon in the early 1960's. While it is difficult to view, it was filmed to portray the best of accomodations at time.
by lkicklight December 1, 2010 10:10 PM EST
Hello Jeff,
wanted to ask, if you would not mine, to look my mother up on the inter net: Her name and history would come up as: Lilla Mae Kicklighter
Thanks for taking the time....There are many families here and around the country that are very proud of what she accomplished before her passing in 2006. Would appreciate your comments about her if at all possible.
Regards, L Randall
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by JeffDaly December 2, 2010 10:58 AM EST
We have read about your mother and in 1957 with a few other parents she was able to serve the needs of people with disabilities in a model that still works today. Her 89 years on this planet were put to good use and we believe she is enjoying watching you carry on her work. Thanks to the entire Kicklighter family and others like you who advocated early on for people with special needs.
by lkicklight December 2, 2010 8:41 PM EST
Dear Jeff,
All the responses that you have received commenting on your life changing event of finding your lost sister, has by far been the most overwhelming display of emotion I think I've ever seen. The creativity of these individuals in dealing with there very unique circumstances is just plain wonderful.
The programs that took shape back in those early years all seem to address just one aspect of our families misfortune, how to take care of them. None really address what my mother chose to accomplish, how can we train, teach of mold these individuals that no one seems to want or care for, into responsible, trainable human beings. To this end mother worked with anyone and anything that could give these individuals a purpose for being here. We all know that was always the big question, what and why. In the Kicklighter School, she had as many as nine buildings wiht training programs that actually paid these individuals to work and accomplish task. The task varied from making seals for money bags for local banks, usually only paid like a penny a peice, but so say a thousand a week. The cleints, as she called them, were income producing workers. At Christmas, some would actually make Christmas Bows that were sold by local merchants and over the years, the school would average several thousands per season. In my brothers case, who also by the way had polio at two years old and was later diagnosed with Autism, actually went on to work for Goodwill sorting shoes for twenty years. He know draws a Social Security Check for his service, which also pays for part of his nursing home.
This is what made mother different than the institution's that took these less than perfect individuals in.
My mothers favorite Bible Verse was; "What you do to the least of these, you also do to me."
Thank You for letting me share my Mother's vision with you..
Lehman Kicklighter
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