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CBS/ October 1, 2010, 11:39 AM

Matthew Shepard's Mom Speaks On Clementi Suicide

Matthew Shepard, an openly gay 21-year-old University of Wyoming student, was brutally murdered 12 years ago by two young men who targeted him because of his sexual orientation. He was pistol-whipped, tortured, tied to a fence post and left to die by the men, who are now serving life sentences for their actions.

Since then, his mother, Judy Shepard, has been an activist for issues involving gay youth. Her work has led to legislation in her son's name, The Matthew Shepard and James Byrd Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act. The legislatioin, signed by President Obama in October 2009, expands federal hate-crime laws to include crimes movitivated by a person's actual or perceived race, color, religion, national origin, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity or disability. Judy and her husband, Dennis, also founded the Matthew Shepard Foundation to combat hate and intolerance.

Video of Tyler Clementi Playing Violin Surfaces
Tyler Clementi, Taped Having Sex, Kills Self
Tyler Clementi Suicide Result of Hate Crime?

In the wake of Tyler Clementi's suicide after two students allegedly streamed a sexual encounter of his with another man on the Internet, Judy shared her take on the tragedy, on "The Early Show" Friday.

She said the students, Clementi's roommate, Dharun Ravi, and Molly Wei should be punished for what they're accused of doing.

"I hope they are prosecuted to the full extent of the law," she said. "What they did was reckless, thoughtless and hateful."

Judy said Clementi's death has brought back Matthew's death, and she says his parents have her deepest sympathies.

She said, "Only they know the true soul of their son, and that is what they need to hold in their hearts now."

Judy has worked for years for tolerance of homosexuality in the U.S. But has anything changed toward homosexuality since her son's death?

Judy told "Early Show" co-anchor Maggie Rodriguez, "You know, we have such vicious rhetoric floating around the country, I'm not really sure who our leaders are and what they think they're communicating to our young people. All you have to do is go to the floor of the Congress, media, the newspapers, about the discontent with 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' and the (gay) marriage issue and it still seems we are trying to relegate the gay community to second-class citizens."

As for lawmakers, Judy said, "They should be granting basic civil rights to the gay community instead of continuing to try to deny them. To me, that's what it is, basic civil rights. To deny them service in the military or job security on the federal level, or even the right to marry and receive all those benefits that are derived from that, is just unfair and, in my view, un-American."

Rodriguez remarked, "In the meantime, though, I feel it has to include parents and schools who are educating children, teaching them attitudes. What do you wish the people who killed Matthew would have known or could have been taught before they committed this atrocious crime?"

Judy replied, "I just think it's so important to try to communicate to our children and/or students empathy, to understand what other people's lives are like, and a general rule of accepting everyone for who they are and respecting them, just for being here. Self-respect is just so important. And if our society is not allowing us to even feel that, I don't know what the recourse is. But, we work very hard in the school system to try to (combat) bullying, but if we don't deal with the issues of the bully, we really get nowhere. What we do at school needs to be followed up at home. And what we do at home needs to be followed up at school. I think we just think someone else is taking care of it, and, evidently, they're not."
Copyright 2010 CBS. All rights reserved.
15 Comments Add a Comment
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MBKaplan says:
Bullying is nothing new.About time it is not ignored. Remembering grade school,7th grade to graduation, horrors inflicted by other kids,trauma that 40yrs later impede normal relationships,affect healthy social& work skills and have left physical damage.Things like burying me up to my head in dirt and urinating on me; Dosing me w/LSD in soda; Gangbanging me and playing the audio in school; Teachers not letting me visit the restroom until I peed myself; Teachers molesting us at tutorial-house partys; Going w/kids to a B-day party and being left on some RR tracks in the dark,my new beautiful dress set on fire,me locked in a locker. Somehow my grades survived in spite of truancy and depression.I spent time editting the school magazine later taking myself to college;But, my ambition, hope and understanding ofthe goals and happiness that comes w/adulthood seemed vague and escaped me. Remember hall-moniters or schoolbus attendents? To be in my 50's, and realize that there are still cliques, bullies, gossips,presents a winding road ever-dificult to navigate. And all this occurred in suburban middle class school systems, to make a point.A new male fb contact from school has similar storys...We are still waiting for someone to listen!
amm
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JMV517 says:
This isn't a new thing happening. My friend was made fun of in high school because he was gay and killed himself in 1997, 5 months before his 16th birthday. His name was Casey Lisowski. This happens more than people know and it needs to stop. All bullying needs to stop.
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jbm1976 says:
I think it's sad that he killed himself over this. I think he had other issues besides this. Maybe he wasn't even sure if he was gay. He may of just been experimenting. I don't know. I dont think they should be charged with his death. He took his own life. They may of helped push him over the edge, but this was no reason to take your own life. He had to have other issues. Yes they outted him, But he could of hired a lawyer and sued the crap out of them too. He could of pressed charges for loss of future income and had a personal case against them. I don't know why he would kill himself over something like this. Life goes on. Things get better.
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Kg39 replies:
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They shouldn't be charged "with his death." They should, however, be charged with the crimes they did...they filmed him and put him on the internet. There is a law against doing that, and it comes with jail time. They should serve this time. As for their responsibility for this young man's death, they probably can't be tried. There is no law against being a despicable, hateful person. They will have to live with what happened, though, and if they have any humanity, that may be punishment in itself.
Kg39 replies:
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Oh, and I'm sorry, but it's "could have", not "could of." I get bothered by poor grammer, but I suppose life goes on.
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DavidMarkF says:
Since Tyler Clementi was an accomplished musician, I think he knew the notes to play and the harmony and melody that would perk the ears of his audience. Such a short life! Such a sweet person! Such a powerful message! Here's what I think. He couldn't face the idea of performing in front of an audience with the idea that others may have seen his romantic episode from the crime of his attacker!

I think as a musician, that he put together one of the most heart wrenching songs that we won't soon forget! We remember him for an outstanding member of a proud set of parents, one that was already an accomplished musician, was gay, but didn't want to hurt anyone by letting them find out, and now couldn't hurt them anymore by letting them know he was gay, and that now his love was going to be broadcast all over the internet of his most intimate relationships, possibly his first sexual experience with another man.

I don't think he made a rash decision. The music that he plays is well rehearsed many times over! He knows the notes to play, and he knows the sequence, and how many times it will take to practice something before it makes harmony!

Tyler Clementi had no idea that his love experience would be on the internet, in fact, he had enough respect for his roommate that he would make a request to have the room all alone. He trusted them, knowing that they would probably figure out that he wanted to have an intimate experience with another boy or man. This was a betrayal in the worst sense! Maybe Ravi just wanted to tape it to find out if he was entertaining a boy or a girl?

Nevertheless, this went way to far! We hear of high school kids getting caught sexting where they take naked pictures of themselves and then send it to their friends who then post it on the internet. This is many steps beyond this, and I would venture to guess that Ravi may have been likely to be involved in sexting!

Since they are all over 18, sexting now is not illegal, except as an invasion of privacy! I wonder what they were thinking about what consequences they would have to pay once Tyler became aware of their crime?

Back to Tyler, him being a musician. I think he knew the next song to play. A song that would command respect back to who he was. Unfortunately for us, this next song was a tragedy! A tragedy so powerful that it rocks the nation! Just like his performances! So musically perfect that we sit there wanting more and more!

Hail to Tyler! I see someone who had been hurt beyond recognition! A song played to the nation for us to be much more sensitive to gay youth! A song so hard felt that it lasts a lifetime, so intense, that it makes Governor's and regular citizens cry!

Who created this! Will Ravi now pay for all the gay youth who have not accepted themselves? No. What Ravi should pay for is only the crime that he committed and the rest of us, need to provide a safer, better place for the gay youth to be accepted!

What we need is for students like Ravi and Wendy to put in their community service time in promoting acceptance of gay youth from peers! I don't know if he and his friend are adult enough to take on that mission!

Life as something sustainable and growth oriented means that Tyler would have a next step in life! What was the next step that Tyler would have taken if he had not taken his life? Only he would be able to tell us that.
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BillJ4321 says:
To Tyler Clementi's family, I can only hope that they will turn their pain into anger and their anger into action. Peace to you all.

And to Tyler himself, who for one brief moment was fragile and damaged enough to forget that HE was on the right side of morality and was undeserving of this abuse, I wish you much peace in death, Tyler. The kind of peace that was denied to you in this world by an immoral society which seeks to abuse and degrade and dehumanize its gay children, to the point where in the last couple of weeks alone, 6 gay youngsters have taken their own lives.

And finally, to the heterosexuals in society that either carry out this abuse or do nothing to stop it, I can only wonder how you reconcile yourselves with what you have done and continue to do to all the gay children you created. And how you reconcile that with your souls and your spirits and your gods. And how you have the audacity to scream your heads off about 'morality' while you, en masse, participate in the absolutely vile & immoral treatment of your very own gay offspring. I simply wonder how you are capable of such treatment of others. I simply wonder HOW.

Morality indeed.
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BDan2000 says:
There is a big, big difference between this and the Matthew Shepard case. He was brutally murdered. These kids pulled a despicable prank, the kid couldn't take it and killed himself. This isn't even like the Phoebe Prince case where she was tormented for months.

All of this public indignation and calls for throwing these two kids in jail is all political correctness BS. I'm sorry, but that kid was weak minded if his solution to being secretly videotaped is to kill himself.
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NickyP2 replies:
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Well, BDan2000, I take issue with how you expressed your opinion but I will agree with you on the point-- suicide is NEVER the answer. I only wish he was able to find the proper support to legally eliminate the abuse of these rather depraved people who videotaped another in a compromising position. For that alone, they should have gone to jail for a long time. That sick, deviant behavior should not have to be tolerated by anyone. The duration of the behavior is not in question there is no acceptable period of time that should be allowed for someone's privacy to be invaded. He was humiliated and in the mind of someone his age his response was absolutely in the norm. What he did WAS NOT A SOLUTION to being videotaped. He wanted to stop the pain he was caused by people who have no empathy or care for a fellow human being. He was dehumanized and fractured. The pain caused was deliberate, decisive and intentionally inflicted to cause him harm. His death was the result of their actions. The weak mindedness here was on the part of cruel peers who sought to harm someone who did absolutely nothing to them.
Idahonative replies:
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i feel the same way! wonder if people would be this fired up if he was not gay? i think they would not be!
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superdem1 says:
Maybe if some bigoted idiot killed one of your kids out of vicious hatred of what they seem to represent you might understand, and not make idiotic remarks about police states. Anything goes in this country, it's insane to call this a police state. You Republicans are having our police fired because you don't want to pay any taxes. We all know murder is already illegal, but there's huge differences between motivations when people kill. Society has the right to teach its members right from wrong. It's exactly American to state what our values are and what society will NOT put up with. A thoughtless killing is very different from a planned vigilante political killing committed out of hate. This "one size fits all" stuff is not justice, it's just the right wing's way of denigrating minority groups and denying them equal rights.
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LouDawg replies:
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Obama has stated many times he is against gay marriage. He invited homophobic pastor Rick Warren to his inauguration. I know Reps are wrong on gay rights but it's people like you who think the Dems are any better are the reason gays don't progress in this country. LBJ wasn't a coward when it came to civil rights. Obama is.
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liv549 says:
This has really got to stop. To make matters worse "Christians" have escalated many of these sentiments encouraging people to do these terrible ungodly things. People may be entitled to their personal views in this country about whether being gay is good or bad but they do not have the right to harass and harm others.

And as far as people videotaping and humiliating others (gay or straight) this way our legislatures need to get on the stick and if these things are not serious crimes they surely should be. The idea that we throw people in jail for a variety of consensual crimes that harm nobody but themselves while looking the other way while someone can ruin your life online is really out of whack. If a few of these people got in some serious trouble maybe the next person who thinks its funny to spy and post things that decimate lives might think twice before doing it.
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Matzpen says:
I think it is touching Matthew Shepard's mother spoke out on this tragedy. Both of these young men were victims of Homophobia http://sherrytalksback.wordpress.com/2010/10/01/who-killed-tyler-clementi/
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