How to Handle Toxic Bosses
Most of us have faced an abusive supervisor at some point in our professional lives, such as Meryl Streep's character in "The Devil Wears Prada."
But if you have one, before you tell him or her to, "Take this job and shove it," heed the advice of career coach Nicole Williams, author of "Girl on Top."
She told CBS News Correspondent Anthony Mason on "The Early Show on Saturday Morning" it's s big problem that's only getting bigger, due to the stress the economy is bringing to the workplace.
There's a difference between a tough boss and a toxic boss, Williams points out. A tough boss expects you to work hard. A toxic boss expects you to work hard and belittles you while doing it. These days, bosses are under ever-increasing pressure and have more and more people to manage -- both of which can make a good boss into a bad one pretty quickly.
Toxic bosses can cause low office morale, lots of turnover, and infighting, among other common problems, Williams observes. The boss often sets the office culture, and it's a domino effect. If the boss treats his or her subordinates badly, that toxic behavior trickles down.
Older bosses, Williams notes, are older versions of the schoolyard bully -- and the same strategy works with them. A bully is insecure and seeking the weakest link. You need to stand up for yourself and assert the fact that you're not willing to play. "I promise your boss will find an easier target," Williams says.
Men and women are equally likely to be toxic bosses, but their techniques differ, Williams adds. Women are more passive-aggressive, resorting to gossip and undermining, while men tend to be more overtly and aggressively toxic by using in-your-face bullying and name-calling tactics.
How do you know when to just grin and bear it or to actually take action?
Once it becomes personal and your boss' behavior negatively affects the way you feel about yourself and your performance, you need to go -- confidence is at the heart of your career ability and as soon as that starts to erode, you have to have standards for yourself and walk away, even in an economy like this.
But is this really a good time to be going up against the boss?
If it's a choice between your sanity and pleasing your boss, always choose your sanity. But admittedly, in this economy, you're going to have to be a little more accommodating than you otherwise would be.
FOUR TYPES OF TOXIC BOSSES AND HOW TO REACT TO THEM
The Boundary-Crosser
This is the boss who shares way too much about her life and expects you to show up at her house for dinner once a week. Or he makes a crude joke that most people would find offensive, or implies that sexual favors could be performed in turn for a promotion. He's also known as the office creep.
What's the best way to deal with this type of boss?
This is a tough one, because she's so emotionally attached to you. You have to wean her off by slowly not being available one week and then the week after, until she's found a replacement (with any luck, out of the office). If she doesn't get the hint, have a heart-to-heart about boundaries you need to set in order to maintain your "professional relationship."
The Controller
This is the boss who micro-manages you: looks at the clock when you come in and leave and actually dictates your e-mails for you. Also known as a gatekeeper/babysitter. An over-your-shoulder boss won't allow you to make decisions and doesn't share information or resources.
How should you cope with a Controller?
Your best bet with this boss is to build some trust in the hope he'll back off. Over-perform, and she'll realize you don't need to a babysitter. Keep her copied on -emails, provide daily updates, and make him feel like he's always in control of the situation (even if it's actually you who's in charge!).
The Screamer
This is the boss who tells you his five-year-old could do a better job than you. He can also be overly critical, prone to swearing, name-calling and public humiliation. This is the boss who assumes that, the louder she says what she wants, the more likely it is to get done. It's often not even about the tone or volume with this boss -- it can also be the words she uses -- generally incorporating swearing and name-calling. This is also the boss who reprimands at full-volume in order to teach everyone a lesson, which is both embarrassing and degrading.
How do you go up against a screamer?
This is a classic bullying move and honestly, you either have to call him out, decide not to take it personally (although, if he's only directing it toward you, chances are it's personal), or move on. Like his five-year-old, he could benefit from some positive reinforcement, so make sure to point out the instances where he's communicated effectively, and demonstrate how it helped things move along smoothly. Whatever you do, don't stoop to his level.
The Jekyll & Hyde
This is the boss who doesn't actually confront you if you've disappointed or under-performed and instead punishes you with the silent treatment and excludes you from important meetings. This boss also has a tendency to steal ideas and spread rumors when it suits her. They tend to be two-faced, passive-aggressive, and are also known to steals ideas.
What's your advice here?
This boss is afraid of confrontation, so the best way to handle her is to, you guessed it -- confront her. Nicely, of course. Start with, "Is there something I could have done differently?" Then watch her squirm. To prevent it from happening again, ask for a monthly or quarterly evaluation meeting with her so you're both clear about expectations.
If you decide you can't work with a particular boss anymore -- how do you leave gracefully, so you don't burn a bridge?
The last thing you want to happen is for your talent, reputation and efforts to be diminished because of a toxic boss who's presenting his or her problem as your problem. I subscribe to the, "Don't expect to change him" mentality in dating and a career -- and playing tit-for-tat and sinking down to his level of yelling, name-calling, pointing fingers, telling him everything he does is wrong, isn't going to work in your favor. Give your notice, clear out your desk, delegate and/or wrap up your assignments and walk away with your integrity and dignity intact.
Copyright 2010 CBS. All rights reserved. But if you have one, before you tell him or her to, "Take this job and shove it," heed the advice of career coach Nicole Williams, author of "Girl on Top."
She told CBS News Correspondent Anthony Mason on "The Early Show on Saturday Morning" it's s big problem that's only getting bigger, due to the stress the economy is bringing to the workplace.
There's a difference between a tough boss and a toxic boss, Williams points out. A tough boss expects you to work hard. A toxic boss expects you to work hard and belittles you while doing it. These days, bosses are under ever-increasing pressure and have more and more people to manage -- both of which can make a good boss into a bad one pretty quickly.
Toxic bosses can cause low office morale, lots of turnover, and infighting, among other common problems, Williams observes. The boss often sets the office culture, and it's a domino effect. If the boss treats his or her subordinates badly, that toxic behavior trickles down.
Older bosses, Williams notes, are older versions of the schoolyard bully -- and the same strategy works with them. A bully is insecure and seeking the weakest link. You need to stand up for yourself and assert the fact that you're not willing to play. "I promise your boss will find an easier target," Williams says.
Men and women are equally likely to be toxic bosses, but their techniques differ, Williams adds. Women are more passive-aggressive, resorting to gossip and undermining, while men tend to be more overtly and aggressively toxic by using in-your-face bullying and name-calling tactics.
How do you know when to just grin and bear it or to actually take action?
Once it becomes personal and your boss' behavior negatively affects the way you feel about yourself and your performance, you need to go -- confidence is at the heart of your career ability and as soon as that starts to erode, you have to have standards for yourself and walk away, even in an economy like this.
But is this really a good time to be going up against the boss?
If it's a choice between your sanity and pleasing your boss, always choose your sanity. But admittedly, in this economy, you're going to have to be a little more accommodating than you otherwise would be.
FOUR TYPES OF TOXIC BOSSES AND HOW TO REACT TO THEM
The Boundary-Crosser
This is the boss who shares way too much about her life and expects you to show up at her house for dinner once a week. Or he makes a crude joke that most people would find offensive, or implies that sexual favors could be performed in turn for a promotion. He's also known as the office creep.
What's the best way to deal with this type of boss?
This is a tough one, because she's so emotionally attached to you. You have to wean her off by slowly not being available one week and then the week after, until she's found a replacement (with any luck, out of the office). If she doesn't get the hint, have a heart-to-heart about boundaries you need to set in order to maintain your "professional relationship."
The Controller
This is the boss who micro-manages you: looks at the clock when you come in and leave and actually dictates your e-mails for you. Also known as a gatekeeper/babysitter. An over-your-shoulder boss won't allow you to make decisions and doesn't share information or resources.
How should you cope with a Controller?
Your best bet with this boss is to build some trust in the hope he'll back off. Over-perform, and she'll realize you don't need to a babysitter. Keep her copied on -emails, provide daily updates, and make him feel like he's always in control of the situation (even if it's actually you who's in charge!).
The Screamer
This is the boss who tells you his five-year-old could do a better job than you. He can also be overly critical, prone to swearing, name-calling and public humiliation. This is the boss who assumes that, the louder she says what she wants, the more likely it is to get done. It's often not even about the tone or volume with this boss -- it can also be the words she uses -- generally incorporating swearing and name-calling. This is also the boss who reprimands at full-volume in order to teach everyone a lesson, which is both embarrassing and degrading.
How do you go up against a screamer?
This is a classic bullying move and honestly, you either have to call him out, decide not to take it personally (although, if he's only directing it toward you, chances are it's personal), or move on. Like his five-year-old, he could benefit from some positive reinforcement, so make sure to point out the instances where he's communicated effectively, and demonstrate how it helped things move along smoothly. Whatever you do, don't stoop to his level.
The Jekyll & Hyde
This is the boss who doesn't actually confront you if you've disappointed or under-performed and instead punishes you with the silent treatment and excludes you from important meetings. This boss also has a tendency to steal ideas and spread rumors when it suits her. They tend to be two-faced, passive-aggressive, and are also known to steals ideas.
What's your advice here?
This boss is afraid of confrontation, so the best way to handle her is to, you guessed it -- confront her. Nicely, of course. Start with, "Is there something I could have done differently?" Then watch her squirm. To prevent it from happening again, ask for a monthly or quarterly evaluation meeting with her so you're both clear about expectations.
If you decide you can't work with a particular boss anymore -- how do you leave gracefully, so you don't burn a bridge?
The last thing you want to happen is for your talent, reputation and efforts to be diminished because of a toxic boss who's presenting his or her problem as your problem. I subscribe to the, "Don't expect to change him" mentality in dating and a career -- and playing tit-for-tat and sinking down to his level of yelling, name-calling, pointing fingers, telling him everything he does is wrong, isn't going to work in your favor. Give your notice, clear out your desk, delegate and/or wrap up your assignments and walk away with your integrity and dignity intact.
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"Bully" accurately describes these creatures.
That said, I sometimes have employees that did not turn out to be good hires and do not listen or have just very uncooperative attitudes. I give them every help I can until they prove they cannot do it or are not willing to do a good job. I make sure they all the info they need, I give them a positive pep-talk telling them that doing a good job here will increase their confidence and prepare them for further success and that slacking and being negative is only hurting them... I believe in them, they can do it,.. is something going on at home, do they really want to be here? REAL questions without my own emotions thrown at them and without accusations and yelling. I make sure they are sufficiently trained and that means I have to know how each is done best and then filter that to my employees and managers clearly. Everything is clearly stated and positively envisioned. I document all training and discipline and talks with the employee. If you are a good boss who does your side of the work to prepare everything to run smoothly and have handled the employee with awareness and lack of your own weak emotions, then it is really not hard at all to "let someone go" and hopefully they find a better fit later. It's all about living up to your end of the bargain and being a good leader and documenting everything and MOST IMPORTANTLY making sure your employees have the training and tools they need and understand what is required of them. Then if they don't meet that, they are firing themselves!
It sounds to me like you are just way to emotional and punitive and you are not inspiring your employees and probably not giving them what they need to do a good job. Remember, the fish rots from the head down. These people aren't your slaves and you have a lot of work to do make sure they are sufficiently inspired and prepared to do their best. Look within if you want to see results.
It is also arrogant to assume that others have not tried the very same tactics you mention here. My most inept employee came to me from another section. She was transferred to me after being told that if she could not make it with me she was out of the company because I was the most tolerant and patient supervisor in the company. I agreed to take her because I wanted to give her a chance.
However, the fish does NOT rot from the head down. That's a myth. The fish rots from wherever the rot set in.
Most of my staff work extremely hard, in a field where you are judged on what the group produces on a weekly basis. One person who does not pull his or her weight damages the career chances and reputation of everyone around him or her. And yes, they have every reason to be angry with that. Do not presume yourself a better manager than others because you will allow that to happen.
When an employee claims that she does not have a bad work attitude, and that it's a Generation X thing to want to earn good money for not much work, there is an abdication of personality going on here, as well as an unmitigated and unjustified sense of entitlement.
Yes, there are bad bosses out there. But as an employee, ALL OF US should ask the question: "If I owned this company, would I pay MYSELF this salary for this level of work and application?" Before coming to us this employee had worked for six companies in six years. She had "toxic bosses" in all of them. She does a good interview, but she does NOT follow up with the work. And if your level of understanding of your employees matches your level of assumption about others posting on this board, you may be considerably less perspicacious than you feel you are.
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Work for yourself.
Abusive bosses create a hostile work environment which is detrimental to the employees and the company. Abusive bosses should be reported to HR and if something is not done by either HR or if the boss retaliates against you then you are in an excellent position to sue.
Remember to document everything. Insist that your boss give you all instructions in writing. You cannot count on other employees to testify or back you up so the best thing to do is document, document, document. Make sure all of your correspondence with management or HR has a paper trail. Make sure you forward all email correspondence to a private email address and make copies of all other written material and take it home. This way if you get fired you have access to critical evidence.