Making It Work When College Grads Move Back Home

(CBS)  The good news: Your son or daughter has graduated college.

The potentially bad news: He or she has returned to the nest, unable to afford to live on his or her own, due to the recession, job losses or unavailability, crushing student loan debt, and other factors.

A recent Pew Research survey found that almost one-in-five grown children (aged 18-34) now lives with his or her parents. And of those grown children, about a-third say they used to live independently elsewhere before returning home.

The phenomenon has come be known as "The Boomerang Generation."

So, what's a parent to do to keep harmony in the household and make this tricky time manageable, even beneficial for all involved?

Dr. Janet Taylor, a psychiatrist who herself has four daughters - one of whom recently moved back home after graduating from college - offered some sage advice on "The Early Show Saturday Edition."

"The reality is, they come back!" Taylor observed.

But, she says, "It doesn't have to be all negative. When your kids come back, they can be a source of social support. They can help out economically. And you really get a chance to establish a different relationship - as adults."

Taylor's Tips:

Establish a Timetable: It's key to establish how long this housing arrangement is going to last. This is negotiable when absolutely necessary, but it's important that everyone understand the living arrangement will last six months, eight months, a year -- whatever you all decide. It's also important to establish what the goals will be for the grad in finding a job. One parent suggested that returnees apply for a job each day they live under their parents' roof. These have to be stipulated early on.

Clarify House Rules: Understanding the household rules is definitely necessary for everyone. College kids are used to doing what they want, when they want. So establishing mutual expectations for curfews, household chores, overnight guests, or even noise are important to work out early on. Parents can list three things that they absolutely cannot live with, and grown kids must respect this.

Consider Charging Rent: It is absolutely OK for parents to charge rent. There's no free lunch in the real world, so if a grown-child is able to pay rent, he or she should be asked to pay some amount you al agree upon. This can also include utilities, cable, or other benefits they're enjoying. Or if parents feel odd taking money from their child, one parent suggested they can collect rent money and return it to them when they leave, to help them in their new home or toward their next egg.

Avoid Slipping Into Old Roles: Try to avoid falling into traditional parent and child roles. This is difficult, but parents should steer clear of doing traditional things such as loaning their grown kid money, and doing their laundry. These are grown-kids, not teenagers anymore. And college grads should avoid expecting these things, as well, although this means they should be treated with respect as a grown-adult.

Don't Over-Parent: Parents should not get overly involved in their kids' lives and personal relationships. This is not healthy for kids or parents, and parents need to respect their kids' growing independence. Creating a dictatorship doesn't help them grow as self-reliant individuals. Parents want to create a comfortable and yet uncomfortable environment.

[adultkidsathome]

The tips in this article have a lot in common with the articles at http://www.adultchildrenlivingathome.com/articles.htm.

[formrusmcsgt]

Pathetic.

[aiglustizgood]

look mom a psychiatrist says its ok for me to move home..Your empty nest is gonna be put on hold for a spell...plus Those student loans won't pay for themselves..To think these grads thought that thei r future was so bright they had to wear shades...

[babooph]

Why waste education on the old middle class-the $$$ could have been spent on the wars against Islam,& more tax cuts for the rich,the jobs they supply ,cutting grass,poolboy,maid & security guard,need little training...

[tmittelstaed]

"...Creating a dictatorship doesn't help them grow as self-reliant individuals. Parents want to create a comfortable and yet uncomfortable environment..."

Sorry, but living at home PERIOD doesen't help them grow as self-reliant individuals. Whether it's a dictatorship or "nice" has nothing to do with this.

Most if not all college kids I've known that did this and lived for more than 3 months at their parents ended up wasting the money they saved by doing this. They went out and bought cars, or got apartments and bought a lot of expensive furniture (big screen TVs and leather couches, etc.)

I'd never permit my kids to do this unless there was a medical problem of some kind. If it was college loans then I'd have put the kibosh on that years earlier when they were just begging for the loan for that "perfect" degree. But if they were healthy, well that's just tough - find a roommate and a cheap apartment, and for furniture, craigslist is full of usable stuff in the 'free' section.

[formrusmcsgt]

Of course, serving thier country is out of the question for these pampered twits.

[nojoy01]

Apparently this Psychiatrist never met my Father, who has passed now. Right after I got out of the service & before the first couple of paychecks from the new job kicked in I needed a place to stay for a few weeks. He met me at the front door and said "My house, my rules. You can't handle that, don't come in." We got along real well for the three weeks I needed. He didn't treat me like a kid anymore & I followed his rules. :)

[formrusmcsgt]

I've been on my own since I was 15. Never too good to take whatever work was available at the time and live within the wage that work provided.

I find it incredible that people in their 30's are living with "mommy and daddy".

Their comfort obviously outpaces their dignity.

[RatPackSixGun]

On this point I agree with formrusmcsgt. Those who have no work and cannot manage on a 'living wage' are also those who feel entitled to a level of comfort that they have not earned, and in fact do not "need". A college education is not a ticket to higher employment entitlement.

Work three jobs and split rent with one to several roommates, like some of the rest of us did. You'll survive, you'll learn the value of a dollar, and you'll also learn lessons about what's important and how to forge through difficult and uncertain life situations with dignity. These are things that you'll never learn camping out at home with mom and dad.

[lashmn]

Having our son move back after college proved to be a real plus for all of us. Not only did he have a roof over his head and a home base for creating resumes and setting up job interviews, he was a joy (for the most part) to have around.

After living apart for over five years we had an opportunity to become very well acquainted with the very nice young man. With out being asked he took over ALL of the household chores including shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry. He stayed here through 2 internships and a couple of dead end jobs until he was offered a position four hours away.

Because he had paid his way at home in non-monetary ways, he had the funds to make the move on his own (I helped pick out an apartment and some furniture). He has never asked us for a dime and is now the proud owner of a very nice condo. Living at home gave him the skills to maintain his own home and cook for himself. I would never have done it any other way. It was a win-win for all of us.

[bassman7365]

Right....who do you think really believes this?

[bassman7365]

Good story

[OmegaWolf747]

I'm 32 and still live at home. I don't pay rent per se; I just let my parents take whatever they think is fair out of my bi-weekly pay checks.