Sandra Bullock's "Love Addiction"

(CBS)  Sandra Bullock has a love addiction, according to addiction medicine specialist Dr. Drew Pinsky.

He said the star fits the concept of someone who "seeks someone out, idealizes them, and then misses all the red flags that everyone else seems to see."

But Bullock is seeing the red flags now, and making changes to her life, according to People magazine. The publication says she's divorcing husband Jesse James, and recently adopted a baby boy from New Orleans, named Louis. The magazine notes that Bullock plans to be a single parent.

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Pinsky explained on "The Early Show" that someone with a love addiction "doesn't have good boundaries around themselves. It's someone who has a distorted version of themselves in intimate encounters. They need that other person to be bigger than life -- the person they need them to be -- and they superimpose that on the other person, and really don't see the things that could get them into trouble -- and did in this case."

Does that mean James, who was caught in a relationship with tattoo model Michelle "Bombshell" McGee, is a sex addict?

Pinsky said he doesn't know about that, referring to the multi-purpose treatment facility James visited following news of his affair.

Pinsky said, "We know that he went for treatment to a program that treats sex addiction, among other addictions and among other mental health issues."

Pinsky reminded viewers that, if someone is admitted to one of these programs, he or she must meet the criteria for a particular diagnosis, such as sex addiction, or a hospital will lose its accreditation.

Pinsky used the example of Tiger Woods, who was treated for sex addiction, whereas with James, it isn't known what he was treated for at the facility he visited.

"It might have been just ... depression, from all the horrible things that's been going on in his life," Pinsky said.

As for Bullock, Pinsky said she'll cope "very, very well" going forward, because she's taking the "high road" through all these changes.

"I find it disturbing that people expect her to ... start bashing Jesse," he said. "One thing that's clear about Jesse and Sandra is that everyone who meets them, loves them. They're not bad people, they're people who are easy to like. And Sandra loves Jesse. His condition, whatever it might be, took him to a horrible place, and she has determined that she can't live with that, but she's taking the high road nonetheless, and focusing on her child."

Pinsky said if he were treating Bullock he would recommend psychotherapy "to deal with these issues that seem to get in the way of her being able to have a stable relationship."

[DrSteffens]

I certainly hope Dr. Drew takes a look at the book for partners...and considers the trauma experienced by many partners/spouses of sexual addicts. Most partners often know "something" is wrong, but have no idea what it is. They ask and are met with any number of plausible responses "I'm tired, stressed, work is crazy..." or they are blamed for not trusting- and a trusting partner gives the benefit of the doubt. Again, the person involved in an addiction becomes a master of deception until the progression of the addiction causes him or her to become reckless. In my research, 75% of the women were the ones who discovered the sexual behaviors that were being hidden. For most of them, they really did not know! They knew something was wrong, but who would consider that their life-partner was involved in multiple sexual affairs or other forms of acting out? My web site has more information on how this impacts partners (www.steffenscounseling.com). I do certainly hope that as we look at these celebrity issues, we gain empathy and understanding for the depth of pain this "addiction" brings into those around the "addict"- the betrayal is beyond belief. They suffer in isolation and often great shame, even though they did nothing wrong other than love and trust someone who, in their addiction, shattered their hopes and dreams. I would love to see someone like Dr. Drew address this issue for partners.

[mauigir1]

I love it when TV doctors diagnose people they have never met. What a crock of ...

[CJpaul57]

Doesn't anyone understand "trust"? When you marry someone, the expectation is mutual trust, honor and respect. How is it so wrong for a woman (or man) to completely trust their spouse? I totally agree with Dr. Steffens. When a person finds out that their spouse, the person they trust most in this world, has been living a secret life that they had no clue existed, they are shell-shocked and incredibly traumatized. THey should be treated for trauma. It is a shame that the majority of clinical psychologists, therapist, etc. treat spouses of "sex addicts" as co-dependents. A co-dependent of an alcoholic most likely is aware there is a drinking problem and may try to cover it up. A co-dependent of a drug addict may give in when asked for money for food, rent, etc. even though they know it will be spent on drugs. A co-dependent of a sex addict is one who is aware or knows what their parter is doing and chooses to look the other way. This is not the case for most partners. Lying and deceit are so ingrained in sex addicts, they often believe their own lies. THey are good, really good. That is how and why a spouse who completely trust their mate can be so totally in the dark. I highly recommend Dr. Steffens book for partners of sex addicts. For couples, I recommend "Hope & Freedom for Sexual Addicts and Their Partners" by Dr. Milton Magness. I also recommend the for Dr. Drew.

[DrSteffens]

I am a professional counselor who specializes in working with those in relationship with what we have come to call "sexual addicts" and have co-authored a book for partners/spouses (Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How the Partner Can Cope & Heal; New Horizon, 2009). Contrary to what many in the addiction field or other helping disciplines hold to be true, I have found that the majority of partners/spouses have no addiction of their own and in fact often suffer great trauma that comes with sexual betrayal. I have found that the majority of partners/spouses have no idea of the hidden secret life of their straying/addicted partner and are devastated upon the exposure of their sexual exploits. People involved in addictive behavior are masters at hiding/masking their secret world to protect it. They do not generally look the other way- they are deceived.
Its time we stop "blaming the victims" of sexual infidelity- which serves to minimize their pain and devastation- and attend to the great pain and trauma that results.

[erasmus111]

"People involved in addictive behavior are masters at hiding/masking their secret world to protect it. They do not generally look the other way- they are deceived."


I disagree. Yes, they may be masters at hiding things like making up lies at where they are going to be etc, but there are always signs in their behaviour. They may be little, but they are there. If you truly know your partner, you will see them. That's if you WANT to see them.

A friend of mines husband was screwing around on her, I noticed the changes in him, but she says she didn't. I didn't believe her. If I noticed them, she had to have. She just didn't want to see it.

[magnumdr]

Good for Sandra; love is unconditional and that is exactly what you will get from a child. I wish her all of the love that she deserves.

[apiespapies]

This article is absolutely absurd. Sandra is not to blame on the failed relationship/marriage to Jesse James. He is the one who cheated, remember. I guess you also recommend that Elin needs therapy too. UGH! Come on CBS get it together!!

[ellensmithee]

Well, she should have seen it coming. Nothing but bad comes from a bad boy. I feel sorry for her ignoring what was right in front of her face.

[apiespapies]

I guess just because she married a celebrity bad boy that she got what she deserved. I am not a celebrity but was cheated on by my ex-husband, so I guess I got what I deserved. Some people need to think before they speak. You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors of anyone's relationships.

[liberalmom]

I also wanted to add a comment about this article. While it seems that Dr. Pinsky had good intentions and expressed concern for Sandra, I worry that this article and the interview itself framed this situation as it if was Sandra's fault that Jesse had the affairs. Sandra may have missed some signs of extra-marital affairs, but so do 99% of women out there. I wouldn't classify that every women who has been cheated on who happened to miss the signs as "addicted to love". I feel that sends a bad message to women in general. In my mind, Sandra has been the one in that relationship to do the right thing, and to think of her family. I'm proud of her for getting out of that marriage, going forward with the adoption process as a single mom, and still wanting contact with her step children.

[erasmus111]

by liberalmom April 29, 2010 12:24 PM EDT
I worry that this article and the interview itself framed this situation as it if was Sandra's fault that Jesse had the affairs. Sandra may have missed some signs of extra-marital affairs, but so do 99% of women out there.


I don't think it is saying that it is her fault that he had the affairs.
I think what it is saying is that she should have seen the signs BEFORE she married him. She married a bad boy, and it wasn't smart thinking on her part to think he would change.


"Sandra may have missed some signs of extra-marital affairs, but so do 99% of women out there."

I think a lot of woman miss those signs because they CHOOSE to. They look the other way.

Also, this "addicted to love" thing has to do with her past relationships, I think. He didn't go into those relationships though, so it makes it unclear what he is talking about.

[bookluver321]

I agree that Sandra is the innocent person in this. I can't imagine the pain she is feeling right now. Sex addiction is a terrible thing, and it destroys so many lives. I do know that recovery after sex addiction is possible... there is a great book titled, <a href="http://www.eroticintelligencebook.com"> "Erotic Intelligence" </a> by Alexandra Katehakis that assists addicts with creating a safe and healthy way to release the pain of the negative story that sex addicts and their partners carry into early recovery. I wish both Jesse and Sandra luck.

http://www.eroticintelligencebook.com

[liberalmom]

Re: "Was she silent b/c of the child's race?"
With adoption comes a lot of uncertainty (like the birth parents may change their minds, etc). She may not want to announce an adoption until everything was legally finalized.

[nething4love]

Thank you for sharing the Bullock story, it was very informative. I'm sure learning from the public figures we can all make more informed decisions in our own lives.