Military Parents Fight for Custody at Home

(CBS)  After returning home from Afghanistan, Lt. Col. Vanessa Benson is in, what she calls, the fight of her life, reports CBS News Correspondent Michelle Miller.

She and her ex-husband are battling over custody of their 14-year-old son John. Benson, in accordance with her mandated family action plan, temporarily gave the ex-husband custody before she was deployed last December with the understanding John would return home once she did. That didn't happen.

"I had gotten an e-mail from my son's father that says, 'You need to get a lawyer. I'm not sending your son back to you,'" Benson told Miller.

Benson, who serves in the 101st Airborne Division, said she hasn't seen her son in about two months and hasn't lived with him in a year.

The ex-husband did not want to talk to CBS News but has argued in court documents that it's in their son's best interest to stay with him in Florida for stability. But after seven months and $12,000 in legal bills, Benson said she doesn't think it is fair that she has to fight to win back a son she left behind to serve her country.

"I feel that I'm being put in the same category as an unfit mother," Benson told Miller.

Benson's case isn't unique. CBS News has identified 30 similar cases over the last two years. In many of them, single military parents have lost all custody rights or have had them significantly altered, increasing calls for Congress to step in.

Rep. Michael Turner, R-Ohio, has proposed a bill he says would protect service members' custody rights by setting universal federal standards state family courts must follow.

A CBS News analysis of custody laws has found only five states that automatically return children after deployment: Kentucky, Maryland, South Carolina, Tennessee and Washington. Five others - Iowa, Kansas, Michigan, Pennsylvania and West Virginia - prohibit deployment from being used in court. Fourteen others - Arizona, Arkansas, California, Delaware, Florida, Illinois, Mississippi, Nebraska, New York, New Jersey, North Carolina, Oklahoma, South Dakota and Virginia - have weaker protections. The rest provide U.S. service members with no additional protections.

"It is unbelievable the number of family court judges who will willingly use a service member's time away in serving their country in Iraq and Afghanistan to take custody away from them," Turner told Miller.

The Department of Defense has successfully fought the bill since its introduction in 2007, arguing that states are better equipped to handle custody issues.

Declining an on-camera interview, the Pentagon issued this statement saying, "We strongly believe that federal legislation in this area of the law, which has historically and almost exclusively been handled by states, would be counterproductive."

Department of Defense Statement on Federal Child Custody Legislation

A change in the law won't come soon enough for Benson. A Florida judge has jurisdiction over her case. It's a state that has limited protection for service members. The judge is expected to rule on her case next week.

"We're asked to drop everything to go to combat," Benson told Miller. "Is it too much to ask that we have protection for when we come back to get our children back?"

[helpforsoldiers]

The people who are affected by this are in one of two categories: single parents and parents who have re-married. The Pentagon says that ONLY 8% of the military are in the first category. However, since the divorce rate is more than 50%, nationwide, and most have children and re-marry, you do the math. (I.e., leave the country and lose custody regardless of the reason because step-parents have no rights if any jurisdiction.) So, the solution is a very simple one: if you are in the military and have even the slightest inkling that your spouse is going to file for divorce: get the hell out of the military or you are going to lose your children. Then, what we need to do is bring back the Draft, but only allow people who are single (and have no children) to be drafted. Or...wait a minute...here's an idea...get up off your lazy, whining butt, call your Congressmen, and support those members of the military in their efforts to maintain their relationships with their children!! Otherwise, plan on you or someone you care about to be forced into military service, because that's where this is headed.

[mc444]

Hello C B S ask military dads about there overseas deployment and custody. O whats that you say thats not part of your agenda

[mc444]

The United States Government. Good grief Charlie Brown. Since I can remember, millions of fathers have had this very same issue. These military dads have been arguing this same issue for years with no results at all. Now we have one female arguing the very same issue and new laws are about to be passed, things that make you say hhmmmmmm.I for one have to say I am pleased there will be new laws about military personnel shipped overseas and custody, one female did what millions of men could not do, tells what type of agenda our elected officials have.

[mari1963]

This woman shouldn't serve her country if she is a single mother with a child at home. She should be home with him. Why does she feel the need to go overseas? Her priorities are messed up. Sounds to me like she likes playing soldier more than she cares for her children. I hope the dad wins. Military parents should stay home instead of leaving their babies with grandparents and ex spouses or boyfriends. Raise your children first!

[chipburg]

No war has ever been fought only by childless women and men you crazy person. Mabey she wasnt a single mother when she enlisted DUH. Mabey she is making tons of money as a Lt. Col and this was a carrer path she started while married. you say "military parents should stay home" yeah because they give us the option. Its hey your going here because cowards like you will not.

[sidserv]

I am in the process of losing custody of my children. I serve in the military and was sent to Korea for a year. Since I have been home I have not been allowed visitation. The one time I was able to see my children I had to have supervised visits. My ex has made it to where I can hardly have anything to do with my kids. Nothing that is in our divorce decree matters. She has not followed a single judgment that was against her. After my return I took her to court to regain custody and the good Idaho courts declined jurisdiction due to me being gone for more than six months. Needless to say I have to fight the Texas small town legal system. My lawyer has already told me that I have a 99 percent chance of losing to my ex due to the small town judge I will be facing. 20 grand later and I have yet to be able to take my sons fishing or any father/son activities. So for all who think military members are not good parents then maybe you should rethink. Just cause we are military doesn't mean we are bad parents. We put our boots on just the same as you do!

[jeffdu_04976]

These issues can affect people who have never served. My ex married a military man and has since moved all over the world dragging my son in tow. So much time has passed since she was allowed to do this that I get a smirk on my face any time I read a story about a woman losing custody to a man. Is that terrible or should I have been able to have him live here for half the time in the last ten years?

[mc444]

now you know how fathers feel

[kolo5055]

I have read alot of your comments and i got to say... wow... how little some people think of the military. my wife and i are going through the same situation. sort story wife has a daughter with her ex husban and wife is active duty and herex husban is gaurd. ex husban is trying to sue us for child custody because my wife can be deployed at any time while he gets a letter from his gaurd command saying he cant be deployed but back to the subject. alot of people forget the reason why the military is over seas and forget the price families have to pay for their service(myself being prior navy) we the families have to pay for their time away them missing first steps of kids/birthdays/holladays and in the event of a over seas death. people come to the funeral and protest that they deserve to be in the ground. but let me say this as nicly as i can people who serve, serve and protect your freedoms so you can do what ever you want. the protect the freedoms of future generations to have a home in a land that we know and love. they give their lives and time from their families so you can negelct your own. if it wasn't for the service member doing these things for your rights and freedoms we all be forced to join in the services and living a very horrible lifes. alot of people remember 9-11 the date but not the reason. the day that lost so many lives and families lost loved ones. the service memebers fight for that cause. the cause that allows you to wake up and enjoy your freedoms and freedoms of choice and faith. the service member is over seas fighting to make sure this doesn't happen agian that although we might believe in differen't things, we protect our family, friends and homes.
I think also on this topic that no military member (unless shown unfit to parent by a court) shoul ever have to worry about having their kids taken away in any aspect. they fight for everyones freedoms(even their families) why cant the americans fight for the rights of the service member to have their families. thier sacrifice is greater than you can imagen.
I know i probably mispelled some stuff im just a little ticked.

but i leave you with this

if you can stand behind our service men to protect your rights. then stand infront of them.

[bsmedr]

some of the people that are commenting, do not have the whole story.
It's amazing how one sided this story has become. I know the person in question very well. He has been lied to for some time now. Someone needs to listen to him. As for throwing the VET card out there, remember volunteering is definitely different than being told you have to go!!!

[jayzon_bjorn]

Other Comment Readers:

Uhhh -- errrrrr. While I hear the pain of the mother, I haven't heard/seen any points regarding the "best interest(s) of the child". Hello? That is, "What's best for the child?"

I would suggest "stability and a loving environment from a full-time and responsible parent" is what's best for the kid. In the case that a military MAN was divorced and had won custody of the child(ren) and was later sent to war, I'd be in favor of the mom having custody of the child -- assuming she was/is a responsible parent who could/would provide a stable and loving environment. Think of this poor kid who has to change schools (develop new friendship(s)), etc. each time his/her military single-parent is deployed -- not cool.

What's best for the child is MOST important -- not the maternal or paternal wants/needs of a military or non-military single parent.

Be it a travelling salesperson or anybody that has chosen a career path that requires (at times) long leaves of absences from "home" the child -- this is the price to be paid. Think of the child -- NOT the parent(s).

Give/provide me an argument that supports the best interest of the child and the intermittently long-term absence of the single-parent, and I'll listen. Until then, the father (in this case) -- with the assumption that he's a responsible person who is providing a stable and loving environment -- has my support.

My 2 bits,

Bjorn Identity

[lemonskinkus]

Bring them home, bring them home, bring them home, bring them home...problems solved.