30% of Teens Report Abuse in Relationships

(CBS)  CBS Evening News Anchor Katie Couric reports that an alarming number of American teenagers have experienced abusive relationships.


"All I remember was landing face first on the floor," said Tina, 18.

Tina - disguised for her safety - says the violence spiraled out of control during her six-month relationship with her 17-year-old boyfriend.

Get Help
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1−800−799−7233
National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline: 1-866-331-9474
"It's Time to Talk" - Learn the Signs of Abuse

"I remember he got on top of me and he was slapping me back and forth," Tina said. "And he said, 'next time you walk by me, acknowledge me. Say that you love me.'"

Raped, beaten and berated on a regular basis, she stayed with him, believing the abuse was part of a normal relationship.

"A Thin Line" MTV's Initiative to Stop Digital Abuse

"I knew my aunt went through it so I thought, you know, if she stuck it out with him, with her husband for years, that I should just do the same and keep my mouth shut," she added.

When another 15-year old - who did not want to be indentified - met a cute boy in one of her high school classes - she was smitten.

"We had the same friends, we like the same things. So it was good at first," she said.

"And then what happened," Couric asked.

"We would fight a lot. He was very controlling," she replied. "He would always want to know where I am, what I'm doing."

"It's upsetting to you to even talk about it," Couric said.

"When someone does that to you, you feel a loss of yourself," she replied.

The controlling behavior eventually turned violent. Things got so bad that she began skipping classes and avoiding work. Then he started stalking her.

"I was always locking my doors," she said. "We had a house alarm, always turning that on. Always looking behind my shoulder to see who it was," she added.

Start Strong: Building Healthy Teen Relationships

These two stories illustrate an alarming trend of escalating violence in teen relationships. Calls and emails to the National Teen Dating Violence Hotline went up nearly 600 percent from March of 2007 to March of this year. And a recent survey shows that even twenty-five percent of 'tweens' say they're experiencing physical violence in their romantic relationships.

They're growing up in a world where violence is everywhere. Where teens are constantly bombarded with pop culture images objectifying and degrading women.

"In this generation, it's hard to resist violence and it's probably influencing the number of abusive relationships," said 15-year-old Emily Santes of Rhode Island's South Kingston High School.

Translating Your Teen's Texts

Add to that the evolving high-tech frontier. Relentless texting, constant instant messaging, and virtual mind games played out on social networking sites are all becoming tools of choice for abusive teenagers wanting to control their partners.

Rosalind Wiseman on Teen "Sexting"

"Teens are primarily using technology and that has changed the dynamics in term of the abuse that we're seeing," said Sheryl Cates, CEO of the Texas Council of Family Violence.

Tragically for some, this cycle of dating violence can turn deadly.

In 2003 Lindsay Ann Burke met Navy seaman Gerardo Martinez at a friend's wedding. For the bubbly 21-one year old, there was an instant attraction. But a few months into the relationship, Lindsay's mother Ann noticed changes in her daughter. She became more secretive, obsessed with instant messaging and was distancing herself from her friends.

Couric asked, "You saw this change in her behavior, and you were really at a loss in terms of what you could do to help her."

"I did go to several counselors," Ann said. "Not one of them picked up on the warning signs of an abusive relationship."

After a tumultuous two years, Lindsay finally left Martinez. On the morning of September 14, 2005 she went to his house to collect her things. In a fit of rage, Martinez repeatedly stabbed Lindsay and left her in his bath tub where she bled to death.

"Parents don't realize how much a part of their life their children really are until you lose one of them," Ann said.

Lindsay Ann Burke Memorial Fund

Ann's grief quickly turned to anger and then action. As health teacher at a Rhode Island middle school for 23 years, she realized she had never discussed dating violence with her students.

"I went back to work, looked into the eyes of my 8th grade students and asked myself why is it that I'm teaching them about health disease and substance abuse - but I'm not teaching them about this?"

For two years the Burke family pushed for legislation that would require dating violence awareness be taught in middle and high schools in Rhode Island. In July 2007, the Lindsay Ann Burke Act was signed into law.

"I know at that point, Lindsay was looking down and she was smiling," Ann said.

Today, Ann's teaching her eighth graders the lessons her daughter Lindsay never had. And in high school, students learn to identify red flags like jealousy and controlling behavior that are often precursors to violence.
Six states have since passed similar legislation. It's pending in six others.

Students are also being enlisted across the country in peer to peer programs that help teens understand what makes a healthy relationship.

A program like this helped Tina get out of her abusive boyfriend. Now she wants to help others.

"I don't want this to keep on happening to young girls, or young boys for that matter," Tina said. "They shouldn't be going through it."

[womenspeakoutnowdotcom]

What we need is to start an open and honest conversation about the realities of this issue. 30% of teens are reporting abuse in their relationship. The key word being, "report." The reality is most are not talking about it. We need more dialogue.
(Wo)Men Speak Out? is a non-profit organization dedicated to eradicating rape, sexual assault and gender violence. We seek to educate both men and women, cultivating healthy relationships and gender equity.
Learn more about how you can make a difference in your community:
http://www.womenspeakoutnow.com

[davidrusher]

While your website appears to be more balanced than most organizations addressing sexual abuse, and you are addressing boys who have been sexually abused, I find your approach is not honest enough to be considered scientifically credible and non-feminist.

Referencing the latest census data located at http://www.census.gov/popest/national/asrh/files/NC-EST2008-ALLDATA-C-File24.csv :

In your literature (http://www.menspeakoutnow.com/WSOeventposterLG.pdf):

1. You are using a debunked feminist claim "1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually assaulted by age 18." These numbers are based on overall hotline call volume and are not based on calls that actually involved sexual abuse.

2. Every 2 minutes, someone in the U.S. is sexually assaulted." This translates into a total of 262,000 cases annually of sexual assault for the total population of 306.1 million citizens (or 8.5 per 1000).

If we use this claim as baseline, and multiply by 18 years (assuming that each report is unique) we would have a grand total of 4.7 million cases of child sexual abuse spanning years of a teen. According to the latest census data (linked above), there are 78.5 million kids age 18 or under. If 4.7m kids are abused out of 78.5 million over an 18 year span, that results in a sexual abuse rate of 5.98% of all children age 18 or under.

This disagrees wildly with claim #2 (1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys being sexually abused. If that were true, you are claiming a total of roughly 20% of the teen population, or 15.7 million cases (a claim 300% higher than your first claim asserts).

In addition, you claim that:

3. An estimated 39 million survivors of childhood sexual abuse exist in America today.
4. Sexual assault is one of the most under reported crimes, with 60% still being left unreported.

Looking at claim #3, if there are 39 million adult survivors of sexual abuse, you are asserting that out of the total census population of 227.6 adults, we have a sexual abuse rate of 17.3%. This number does not come close to agreeing with claim #1.

All the above is further inflated by the fact that hotlines base their claims on call volume, not on actual findings of authorities or judicial findings. Many reports by Straus and Underwager justifiably attack this highly dishonest form of science.

Claim #4 has no foundation in credible science. Feminists that been throwing this wild figure around for years. It is a self-aggrandizing old feminist tale.

Next, your website programs (http://www.menspeakoutnow.com/programs.html) links to a number of very radical events, such as the deeply feminist "Take Back the Night" rally. This outfit of insane feminists purports that rape of women is endemic on college campuses. It is also the work of Eve Ensler, and very closely associated with lesbian rights and their ideas about whether or not men should even be on college campuses.

You have a lot of work to do to address sexual abuse in an honest and gender-neutral fashion. Until then I find it very difficult to support your work.

[cidaia]

The only way we are ever going to end domestic violence is to stop giving in to the urge to blame and instead recognize that both partners in the situation need what is called cognitive behavioral therapy, anger management, communication skills - specific help which IS available.

But we can't help people if we're using them, and that's what we are usually doing when we jump into someone elses' domestic problems. We dump our own anger onto the one we deem "at fault" and we dump our own self-pity onto "That Poor Girl(Guy)", and it's not about them at all - it's all about our own unresolved feelings (of rage, usually) toward the opposite sex, and that's why instead of actually ENDING this mess we are usually helping them KEEP IT GOING, because while it is right and proper to file charges against anyone who commits assault against you, the "vigilante" or "out of court" warfare - where one partner (usually the girl) holds the other up to be publicly shamed and shunned - is just another form of abuse, another step in the cycle; later she'll apologize to him and swear she didn't mean to hurt him, blah blah blah, and we let ourselves be part of her revenging herself on him for what he did to her (for what she did to him for what he did to her, blah blah blah).....

[pamolina]

to david. Iam a feminist and I do not believe that all disagreement is abuse. I love a good rousing verbal discourse. I also like arm wrestling. That too is not abuse. I do insist on being able to disagree with anybody with out that person overeacting. I am a little concerned about you however. Do you let women disagree with you. Do you get abusive if a woman disagrees with you?

[davidrusher]

Sorry, but I'm not falling for this ploy. The well-known scientific facts about DV are well known. Feminists usually pretend to ignore it, or pretend it is irrelevant, call me abusive if I won't fold and agree with them, try to change the subject, or call me names. If you have better science, please lay it out. Otherwise there is nothing to discuss.

[jackcameron]

I think we are forgetting that no one chooses to be hit or degraded or sexually violated. They choose love and sometimes they want the abuse to stop, not the relationship. We are forgetting that women would not have to be "just like the boys" or feminists if male privilege and strict gender roles would just let everyone be who they define themselves to be. We are also forgetting that the victim is NEVER to blame-why does the abuser think it's okay to hit and to degrade? What are we teaching our children when we talk that way about victims? To never let us know when there is a problem in their relationships lest we judge them as harshly as strangers. If we don't step up and stop the blame and finger pointing, the problem will not stop. So when WILL you care? When it's you or a loved one?

[davidrusher]

You have a lot to learn. Too many women (and men) think that love includes a license to hit or abuse their partner. There are many unhealthy forms of love. For a good primer, pick up a copy of Brenda Schaeffer's pamphlet "Powerplays", which is out of print but usually available used on Ebay or Amazon.

[staycalm]

The uncomfortable truth is that women have always been the standard-bearers for civilized behavior. Without women, men revert to something resembling animals. What makes this uncomfortable is the impled responsibility of women to behave in a way that commands respect from men. Unfortunately, this generation has thrown that out the window in a mad rush to "be like the boys" and is now paying the price. Men and boys are exposed to so much pornography and "girls gone wild" that they no longer seem to respect ANY women. I have two teenage sons who complain about the fact that almost all the girls are "just like guys". There's no mystery to them, nothing that differentiates them from the boys so the boys treat them as one of their own gender except that they can have sex with them...usually with no strings attached. It is all very unsatisfying for BOTH sexes. Their mothers need to raise them to believe that what they have to offer the opposite sex is better than gold and they should guard it as such. At the brain stem, men are still hunters and, as such, they still relish the chase.

[davidrusher]

Incorrect. This line of invalid thinking became conventional wisdom with the rise of feminism. The problem again is not men.

N.O.W kicked off the feminist divorce revolution, leaving men with no place in society. After 45 years, women still treat marriage as a "date" at best, and men see marriage as a bad risk. In divorce and illegitimacy, government always helps women and destroys men's social roles and seizes their property. Men have no advantage avoiding marriage -- rather -- most men get nailed no matter what they do.

Marriage is the foundation of civilized behavior and economic success.

Outside of marriage, we have the present American disaster. Women are raised to be aggressive sex objects and men are treated as economic targets. Women have 3-4 kids out of wedlock with different men to collect large sums of government subsidies. Children are raised in poverty, child abuse, child neglect, crime, violence, domestic violence, violent children who abuse substance and perform poorly in school, and unsocialized behavior on all sides of the coin.

Our greatest national problems such as poverty, lack of national health care, crime, and violence, and federal and state deficits will largely disappear when women expect marriage and settle for nothing less, and raise their children to do the same. Most men will naturally cooperate.

Marriage-absence is our greatest national problem. The gender war has been the costliest war in American history. N.O.W. must be held responsible for it, removed from power, so that the good men and women of America can put America back together.

[cidaia]

the truth is somewhere in between: neither men nor women are all-wonderful, or all-evil, or all-anything.

Feminism occurred because it was genuinely time for women to demand greater rights and greater freedoms. Now it's time to recognize that feminists demand things that are beyond what they're entitled to. It's a constant form of checks and balances; in the 1950s women had lots of responsibilities but too few rights, today we're at the other end of the extreme, women refuse to accept responsibility for things and are indifferent to mens' legitimate rights.

[bankersvox]

The problem stems from so many young girls being attracted to the school's dumbest "bad boys" , while the decent boys are over looked and shunned. What do they expect would happen ?

[culturechang]

The headline said something about "technology making it easier". Texting is not necessarily abuse. When you see dramatic increases in numbers, you must look at how the definition of "abuse" has been altered. Likely, litte has probably changed in behaviors, but a change in definitions has allowed for journalistic sensationalism.

[davidrusher]

Correct. Feminists believe that all disagreement is abuse, so long as the person blamed is male. When women do it, its "feelings" or "he deserved it".

Feminist psychology is acidly passive-aggressive and dangerous.

In the old days, kids wrote hate notes and stuck them on somebody's locker. They got in trouble for it when it got out of hand. But we should not criminalize all disagreement between kids.

Girls are the ones most likely to send nude pictures of themselves to impress or tease their boyfriends. This is dangerous for girls because it invites sexual advances from boys that may well be unwanted. Using sex to tease, control, manipulate or vex boys is abusive and must be stopped. A little flirting is fine and a normal part of growing up. But using kiddie porn on other kids should be stopped and prosecuted.

Parents should buy phones for their kids that allow image sending to be disabled via parental controls. This takes care of the problem. In fact, I would favor legislation making it illegal for children under age 18 to have cell phones that can send images or videos.

[davidrusher]

Correction: Legislation should require cell phones used by children under age 18 to have image send AND receive disabled. Schools should have authority to seize any phone in the school that can send or receive images. However, kids should be able to take photos to show to their friends in person, or to show to their parents at home.

[spirit1957]

Women do not Ask for Abuse..What if your child was murdered and left to die in a bathtub?
Lindsay Burke was a beautiful young woman and my cousin
www.lindsayannburke.com

[DaVicar8]

"Women do not Ask for Abuse"...

They DO, if it happens twice.

[bubbadubba]

Hey, it's the cool thing now to say you were abused and if you weren't abused you are not with the in crowd.
A lot of movie stars and celebrities say they were abused, and get a lot of attention when their star power drops.
Remember though, women NEVER abuse men because women are perfect and men are pure evil.
LOL

[DSR_57]

THen I suppose 30% of teens should grow some self respect and move on