So Jimmy Carter Says I'm A Racist

(Weekly Standard)  Whew, I'm pooped. Jimmy Carter has got me run ragged with all the hating I'm supposed to do. Jimmy says I'm a racist because I oppose President Obama's health care reform program. Even Jimmy Carter can't be wrong all the time. And since Jimmy Carter has been wrong about every single thing for the past 44 years, maybe--just as a matter of statistical probability--he's right this time.

I hadn't noticed I was a racist, but that was no doubt because I was too busy being a homophobe. Nancy Pelosi says the angry opposition to health care reform is like the angry opposition to gay rights that led to Harvey Milk being shot. Since I do not want America to suffer another Sean Penn movie, I will accept that I'm a homophobe, too. And I'm a male chauvinist due to the fact that I think Nancy Pelosi is blowing smoke--excuse me, carbon neutral, biodegradable airborne particulate matter--out her pantsuit.

Also, I'm pretty sure Rahm Emanuel is Jewish, and you can't be against (or even for) President Obama without the involvement of Rahm Emanuel, so I'm an anti-Semite. Furthermore, although I personally happen to be a libertarian on immigration issues, I do agree with Joe Wilson that you can't say you're expanding health care to the poor and then pretend you're going to turn those poor away if their driver's licenses look a little Xeroxy and what's on their Social Security cards turns out to be a toll-free number for a La Raza hotline. Thus I'm prejudiced against Hispanics as well.

I'm a 61-year-old man with three young children and a yard to rake. While I appreciate the attention from our most ex- of ex-presidents, I'm really too busy to properly accomplish all this loathing and detestation. I quit smoking so I don't even have a lighter to set crosses on fire. We don't happen to own white bed sheets and I'm five nine and--dressed in Ralph Lauren candy stripes and tripping on fitted corners--I'd feel like a fool at Klan rallies (and Tea Parties and Town Hall meetings, to the extent that there's a difference).

Then I have the task of finding people to disrespect, denigrate, and discriminate against. I know people who are black, gay, Jewish, and Hispanic. But, unfortunately, I like them. When you like a person it's difficult to treat him (or even her) with the kind of vigorous and unrestrained bigotry that Jimmy Carter expects me to engage in. I have to go looking for people (people of the proper race, creed, and ethnic origin) whom I can't stand. That jackass from the gas company who kicked my dog (even though Valkyrie hardly broke the skin) won't do. The meter reader is a New Hampshire Yankee.

This is exactly the problem. I live in rural New Hampshire and we are, frankly, short on people who are black, gay, Jewish, and Hispanic. In fact, we're short on people. My town has a population of 301. When it comes to bias we're pretty much reduced to an occasional slur against French-Canadians. But my grandfather was French-Canadian, so I feel that it is somewhat inappropriate for me to express scorn for Frenchies.

That is, liberals have a monopoly on self-loathing as a result of neurosis entitlements and affirmative anxiety programs for which I, as a Republican, do not qualify. Thus it is that I have to drive all the way to Dorchester and then out to Provincetown and down to New York City and back to be narrow minded enough to satisfy Jimmy Carter, Nancy Pelosi, Rahm Emmanuel, and their friend Hugo Chávez.

When it comes to oppressing those who are differently gendered, I have the opposite difficulty. With two daughters, a wife, and a female dog that bites, I'm badly outnumbered. It's all I can do to make an occasional wisecrack about time spent in the bathroom (or kennel) with the hairdryer. Even then I end up sleeping in the car. (The dog gets the couch.)

I thought about going to a "Hate Coach" to help me focus my insensitivity and anger. But all the radio hosts were booked months in advance. Instead I've decided to follow the example of large capitalist institutions (which are themselves famous for racism, homophobia, anti-Semitism, maltreatment of illegal aliens, and glass ceilings for Nancy Pelosi, who will become a senator from California about when Arnold Schwarzenegger gets the Billy Crystal role in a remake of When Harry Met Sally). I am outsourcing my hate.

I have contracted with al Qaeda, Russia, and Cuba. When it comes to treating women and gays like hell (not to mention Jews), it's hard to beat the Islamic fundamentalists. The Russians are no slouches with a pogrom either, and they are racists par excellence. Russians not only vehemently despise blacks, they believe Africa begins at the Ukraine border. And when it comes to repression of Latinos, Cuba takes the gold, tyrannizing 11,184,022 out of 11,184,023 Cubans.

Fortunately for me the Obama administration has taken time out from its pursuit of health care reform to go wobbly in Afghanistan, cuddle up to Havana, and scrap the missile defense system in Eastern Europe to appease Moscow. This puts Osama bin Laden, Raúl Castro, and Vladimir Putin in a position to destroy the minorities and the disadvantaged in America. Of course, they'll destroy the rest of us too. But, meanwhile, I'm spared a lot of effort and aggravation. And I may have time to get all the autumn leaves bagged before the apocalypse.


By P. J. O'Rourke
Reprinted with permission from The Weekly Standard

[DebbieA1964]

So jim the peanut farmer says i'm a racist huh? well sorry to disappoint him i'm not. I don't dislike president obama because hes black. My problem is that hes done nothing he said he wouid do, public option is assinine and will not work in the long run. He said he would prove to those who didn't vote for him that he was worthy of the office. I"M STILL WAITING! what is it with liberal dems like carter who feel the need to tote out the race card when things aren't going right. I used to hold up Carter as an example of a good democrat sadly i can't say that anymore.

[sirona18]

President Carter - with his comments just want to tell us all: "hay America remember me..." From time to time he is having provocative comments in order to make sure that we'll talk about him, then few days later he denys what he said -even though the video recorder shows him "in his words", like the comment about those who does not agreeing with Obama on issues are racists. The same he did and still does regarding Israel, with provocative comments. He and Mr. Brezinski blaming Israel for all the wrong/bad events in the Middle East, but till today both of them and especially Mr. Carter NEVER demand anything from the terrorists Hamas group. Today Israel released 20 Palestenian women who were jailed because of their terrorism activities in exchange of ONLY having video tape of Gilad Shalit the Israeli soldier that was kidnapped by them. Gilad is some where in Gaza strip for THREE YEARS. The Hamas still are not allowing even a representative from the Red Cross to visit him. Where is President Carter voice all these years? When will he go in front of the cameras and DEMAND that the Hamas will let Gilad's family visit at least, if not release Gilad immediatly? The families of the Palestenians prisoners in Israel (even those who has blood on their hands) are visiting them every week! All of them are able to study, geting an education degrees. One of them became a fasion designer (for Arab and Jewish women!). Mr. Carter by your comments you're only hurting president Obama who is trying to prevent this kind of debate, especially these days, while the country still strugling with the economic situation, the two wars and much more. Unfortunately it may be few bad apples in our society, but most of us who are not agreeing with Obamas policies, you MUST accept it as face value! As a Democrat, and I was appaled what people from the left said about President Bush W. He was called the same names as President Obama is beeing called now, Bush also was shown as Hitler, people were shouting death to Bush and more. I wondered then where are the Democratic leaders? I never heard you as former president say to all of us - enough, we went too far. Remember Itzhak Rabin?
Mr. PJ, my hope is that we will be able to continue to express our opinions without beeing blamed as racists.

[mikelpond]

In general Carter may be wide of the mark; but in your case O'Roarke if the shoe fits - wear it!

[michigander62]

Noto: Do you read anything but the Toilet Paper. Carter's white house years were a total disaster. In his mind only was he successful. I can't believe you don't have a clue. READ. READ

[jxknowles]

P.J., if President Carter called you a 'racist', that was mistake. Our apologies. What he meant to say was you are a 'moron'.

[mikelpond]

If the shoe fits, wear it!
Mike

[mikelpond]

If the shoe fits, wear it!
Mike

[koko98-2009]

This is an easy one. If the outrage is so widespread and so grassroots then where are the black people in the crowd. Where are the Latinos? We looked at the pictures of the crowds and like Dave Chappell we played spot the brother. Guess what? We didn't find any.
This is a movement about white people and for white people.

[bcpats]

kook98 - - you did not see all the pictures... I saw black folks amongst the protesters - - FOX even interviewed a couple of them as well as some latinos.
Of course, one thing to keep in mind is that a very large percentage of Bama backers are black - - BECAUSE he is - - and he is promising great changes that aren't going to cost anything (when in fact it does - - there is no free lunch -- or insurance - - someone has to pay).

[bcpats]

This article was great - tongue-in-cheek but with points well made. 'Tis true - - as an American - white, black or whatever, if you do not agree with Obama, you are a racist.

Carter was and is a calmaity. But he agrees with Obama that America has not been a nice country and needs to apologize for any and all actions. Chavez, Castro, Putin, etc. love to hear and agree with.

[cujat]

It's funny how liberals love to accuse others of being racist while they run the inner cities into the ground and ensure the very people they claim to fight for stay down in their little hole. This way they can continue to use them as a political tool....that seems more racist than expecting individuals to improve themselves and take advantage of the freedoms we have in this country.