Jenny Sanford: Wronged Wives "Role Model"

Psychotherapist Dr. Jenn Berman Comments on How Gov. Sanford's Wife Has Dealt with His Infidelity, in the Public Eye

(CBS/AP)  South Carolina first lady Jenny Sanford's first public interview since news of her husband's affair broke is breaking the mold for how political wives deal with cheating husbands, according to psychotherapist Dr. Jenn Berman.

The interview appeared in Vogue magazine.

Berman said on "The Early Show" Wednesday, "I think (the interview is) great. Jenny Sanford is a woman who is successful, well educated, she's financially secure. She doesn't need this man (Gov. Mark Sanford) to have her identity; she doesn't need him in the way a lot of other wives do. A lot of political wives, their identity becomes very wrapped up in being attached to this husband and this power figure. She clearly has a lot of confidence on her own."

Berman added Jenny Sanford is playing her husband's affair smartly. It was discovered when the governor disappeared for nearly a week in late June to see his lover, Maria Belen Chapur. The governor left his staff, his wife and the rest of the state in the dark about his whereabouts. Initially, his office told reporters Sanford was hiking on the Appalachian Trail.

Since word of the affair came out, Berman said, Jenny Sanford has been doing what's best for her family.

"I think she's really trying to do her best for her sons," Berman observed. "But there can be a misconception that, because she expressed an openness to a potential reconciliation, that she's being passive, when she's not. She's really saying to him, 'This is your opportunity to prove to me, to fight for our marriage. Here's the hoop, start jumping.'"

Jenny Sanford said in the interview she concentrates on forgiveness, because she doesn't want to become angry or bitter. She said reconciling will be hard, following Sanford's admission of his affair and of crossing lines with other women.

"Now, I think it's up to my husband to do the soul-searching to see if he wants to stay married. The ball is in his court," Jenny Sanford said.

The 47-year-old first lady told Vogue she feels sorry for her husband's Argentine lover and believes the philandering governor's affair is almost like an addiction.

"It became clear to me that he was just obsessed with going to see this woman. I have learned that these affairs are almost like an addiction to alcohol or pornography. They just can't break away from them," she told Vogue.

Sanford said of her husband's mistress, Chapur: "I am sure she is a fine person. It can't be fun for her, though I do sometimes question her judgment. ... But I can't go there too much. All I can do is pray for her because she made some poor choices. Mark made some poor choices. A lot of people were brought down by this, and I am sure that is not what they wanted."

She told Vogue that her husband's comments to AP that he crossed lines with other women were "punches to the gut."

But the July 9 Vogue interview at the Sanfords' Sullivans Island home was before the couple took a weeklong vacation to work on their marriage, and before the family's two-week vacation to Europe.

On Aug. 7, two days after their return from Europe, Jenny Sanford moved out of the official governor's residence with their four sons. Reporters and photographers looked on as she and several other women carted out bags of clothes, a suitcase and armloads of suits and dresses on hangers. Jenny Sanford said she was heading to Sullivans Island for the upcoming school year.

Sanford's behavior, Berman said, can be a role model for all wronged spouses.

"She's handled it with dignity and grace. She hasn't said anything to make her husband look any worse than he does. He's dug his own grave. She's been respectful of the fact that she has a family. She has sons who will be reading every word she says. I think she's been really smart and very careful."

As for the general population, Berman said you should share as little information as possible with your children about an affair.

"You don't need to hurt your children," she said. "Your children are hurt enough by the separation of their parents. If, in fact, you're in a situation like a small town where everyone's talking or you are a public figure, and your kids will hear about it from other kids on the playground or read about it on the Internet, you have to address it, because you want to be your children's best source of information."

But why did Sanford -- and so many other politicians -- choose to cheat?

Berman said the personality type is the culprit.

"(The personality) that is brought to politics … loves being in the limelight, is very vulnerable to affairs. You add in power, money and travel and you just have so much opportunity. It takes tremendous impulse control to not have an affair if you're a politician."

Meanwhile, the governor is also facing questions about his use of state aircraft for personal and political trips, and his flights on commercial airlines. South Carolina Attorney General Henry McMaster -- a fellow Republican who has said he will run for governor in 2010 -- asked the state Ethics Commission to investigate the governor's travel.

Under law, the commission can't say whether an investigation is under way unless the person accused of violating the law waives confidentiality.

Sanford spokesman Ben Fox said the governor's office has received no information from the commission and it's premature to comment on whether Sanford would make the process public.

[sam-kiley]

coucou
quelle femme courageuse vouloir pardonner meme aprés etre trahie, c'est tout en son honneur, la balle est dans le camp du gouverneur infidéle, s'il veut sauver son mariage pourquoi pas, mais dans les deux cas de figures, jenny sanford mettra du temps pour oublier....et son époux pourra l'aider a oublier.. a retrouver la paix intérieure.. si vraiment sa femme lui tient a coeur, a deux ils oublieront c'est sur..bon courage.. et gare a la récidive au revoir

[stn_sage]

As the article points out, she's got money, career potential, and independence and is NOT dependent on her cheating husband!

These are NOT items which just materialize because you want them.
Either, you were born or married into them, or were passed through the gate system to attain them early in life.

If not, it is extremely UNLIKELY, in fact, mostly IMPOSSIBLE that you will ever attain them! That being the case, why would anyone want a role model who epitomizes 'outlier' standards that they CANNOT be expected
to reasonably reach?!

And, you won't have them when you need them anyway; that is, at the moment of crisis, when your husband cheats on you, dumps you, and decides
to start a new life with the girlfriend!

Role model? I don't think so.

[MorganBarber44]

When a wife takes good care of her husband's primary unit, he doesn't cheat. Its only when she gets lazy that he starts looking around.

[USA_is_back]

OR maybe, he's a low-life scumbag with the morals of an alley cat.

[hamiltongrad]

When such things happen, there is no "blame" for one person. Everyone has a role. When needs are not met ? who is at fault?

[USA_is_back]

Let's see, HE cheated with his South American "hoochie-mamma". HE broke his wedding vows. HE abandoned his "christian values". HE was absent from duty when he was in South America instead of performing the job the people of SC eleected him to do. HE abandoned his children on FATHERS DAY and chose to be with his HO instead of his children. I'd say HE is at fault. Clearly the "needs" of his family was not met by HIM.