What Is Sex? Americans Can't Agree

Philandering Politicians' Fuzzy Definitions Reflect Country's Uneasiness

(AP)  We talk about sex. A lot.

But all too often we don't know exactly what we're talking about. What's considered getting to third base these days anyway?

And when it comes to philandering politicians, the line on what's considered sex is especially fuzzy.

President Bill Clinton said oral sex wasn't sex. South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford says in his latest revelation that he "crossed lines" with women other than his wife and Argentine mistress, but "didn't cross the sex line." He wouldn't say what that meant.

If those distinctions have you confused, you aren't alone. Neither are Clinton and Sanford.

Americans just aren't explicit when they talk about having "had sex."

"Sex is a word and nobody is really in charge of that term," said Kinsey Institute scientist Erick Janssen. "In a way, our thinking of sex and definitions of sex is more complex than they were in the past."

In 1998, just as Clinton was defining what "is" is, two other Kinsey researchers were publishing a paper in the prestigious Journal of the American Medical Association on how people see sex. The answer: We can't really agree.

The study, based on 1991 survey of 599 college students, found something odd considering the parsing of male politicians. Women in general were less likely than men to consider oral sex or mutual masturbation as having "had sex."

Of the women, 37 percent considered oral sex as, well, sex. Forty-four percent of men did.

A second survey in 1996, asked "Is oral sex 'real' sex?"

About 52 percent of the men said yes, but only 46 percent of women did.

"These data make it clear that general agreement regarding what constitutes having 'had sex' and how sexual partners counted cannot be taken for granted," researchers Stephanie Sanders and June Reinisch concluded in their paper.

That's a problem, especially in a relationship if two people don't discuss those differences explicitly, Janssen said.

In the classic Meat Loaf song, "Paradise By The Dashboard Light," radio broadcaster Phil Rizzuto describes baseball players advancing bases, as a young couple negotiates intimacy in their car.

It helped cement the public on the 1960s analogy of first, second, third and home to increasingly intimate sexual activities.

But even that is changing. According to a book by Australian sex researchers Juliet Richters and Chris Rissel, in the 1960s third base was "touching below the waist."

"Nowadays it seems that for many people the pattern of accepted activities includes oral sex as third base," Richters and Rissel wrote in "Doing it Down Under."

Janssen said it's difficult and unfair to compare terms now to decades ago because society is so different.

"People tend to not always define just in terms of behavior anymore, also in terms of intentions," Janssen said.

And intentions - lusting in your heart just like former President Jimmy Carter - bring about a whole other issue for politicians, because cheating is so loosely defined, Janssen said.

Is it cheating to go out to dinner with someone other than your spouse and not tell, or what about dancing together? Sanford met his future mistress in Uruguay on the edge of a dance floor.

Sanford himself said, "If you're a married guy at the end of the day you shouldn't be dancing with somebody else."

Americans tend to judge politicians more harshly about marital infidelity than Europeans, said Janssen, who is Dutch. It's a cultural thing.

But we do have something in common with those across the Atlantic, Janssen said.

Europeans don't really have explicit definitions of sex in their languages, either.

So, they can be just as vague when they talk about it as we are.

[cvanhecke]

It could be me, but when I read this, what grabs my attention is the number of public affairs, and the focus on the morality issues.

How about focusing on why? He and she were in a sexless relationship. The person with the lowest labido typically controls the relationship and the other person is left to do what? think about that all you overly moralistic folks.

Imagine living your life, raising children, still interested in sexual intimacy or intimacy of any kind, and being devoid of it.

Of course he cheated, why wouldn't he? the focus should really be on what we should do to continue to maintain intimacy in our lives and not slaughtering these folks moralistically.

Caroline VanHecke

[literaryred84]

The real issue in all these stories of adultery is that no one ever questions the state of marriage in general. Perhaps the structures of society have outgrown the need for a nuclear family, just as we long ago outgrew the multi-generational household, and the social need to have many children. The fact that infidelity is so rampant seems to suggest that monogamy might belong to a bygone era and that it is possible to have multiple meaningful relationships. If you have another person's reproductive organs in a bodily orifice it's sex...but that is not the real issue. There are many people who are moving towards alternative relationship structures of open relationships and polyamory. Perhaps acknowledging human desire for multiple partners and developing new, healthy ways to incorporate these desires into ones life is better than desperately holding onto what seem to be increasingly outmoded forms of relationship.

[HGOODGUY]

OPINIONS ARE LIKE ********---EVERYONES GOT ONE!!!!

[sparklinglyaware]

So then what's the difference between rape and molestation if all kinds of things are sex (even THINKING about sex is sex according to some here).
Legal definitions of rape fall under 'sexual penetration.'
Molestation falls under the definitions such as "the act of subjecting someone to unwanted or improper sexual advances or activity."
Forced oral sex, under most legal definitions, is sexual assault.
So, there are clearly delineated categories in the cases of crime.
However, when we speak of mutual consent (non-criminal behavior), the way we categorize these behaviors is based on the whims of those consenting.
To draw
CONSENT --------- NON_CONSENT
Sex Rape
Oral sex Sexual Assault
Hand jobs Molestation
Perhaps this might not be the best way to hash out the linguistic discrepancies, but I think that the criminal activities provide a way of categorizing, in a more philosophical context, the emotional responses of those on here claiming that their definitions are wholly accurate.

[debinok1]

The answer to this is pretty much individual. The best way for anyone, male or female, to answer this question for themselves is this: If I walked in on my spouse/SO doing what I am considering, would I feel angry, hurt, or betrayed? If the answer is yes, then it IS sex and it IS cheating. For me personally, sex is anything that involves physical contact with another person with the INTENT of becoming aroused or causing arousal.

[erasmus111]

Whether you are using your mouth, fingers, p enis, or whatever, and you are using them on or in intimate parts of another person's body, it's called SEX!

[mandylou4u]

Just the phrase "oral sex" says that is is a form of sex. If I remember correctly, the word "oral" is a adjective describing what kind of sex it is. I guess to me that would mean it is sex. If you are going by the english language anyway.

[John_Merritt]

Forget the question 'What is Sex', lets ask 'What is Infidelity'. There was a MSN story on what the connotation of cheating entailed and I was amAzed at the laxity in the moral beliefs people hold.

To go back to the questions above, just because someone does not consummate the act, does not mean they are not cheating on their significant other. If I kiss another woman, or hold them in an embrace while we are smooching on a beach somewhere out of the eyesight of my spouse, I haven't cheated now have I? Not according to the people surveyed in the MSN article.

Come on people, would you want your spouse kissing or holding hands with someone other than yourself? Would you want your spouse going to bed with someone else in their thoughts and dreams and longing for them instead of you?

It is all semantics. If you are not committed to a relationship now and don't want to give it your best shot, get out of it before you have children. If you can't give your husband or wife 100% of you, then find a way together to make it work. If you are only offering 50% of yourself into a relationship, that is all you are going to get out of it.

We have the lost our way because we have lost our sense of commitment and dedication to the thing that is supposed to have the highest degree of sanctity for a man and woman; marriage. There is no other bond or contract that is more precious that that of marriage. But yet we throw it, and others, away as though it is insignificant. And with it, we toss out all the belief systems we have taught our children as well. Aren't you all proud, they are going to grow up just like you. Good job guys. (This is for Republicans and Democrats, because we are all guilty).

[mcintoshlou]

NO ONE IS GUILTY, THAT IS RELIGIOUS HOGWASH,


RELIGION IS THE PROBLEM

[docpeter1953]

From the above article, "The study, based on 1991 survey of 599 college students, found something odd considering the parsing of male politicians. Women in general were less likely than men to consider oral sex or mutual masturbation as having 'had sex.'...A second survey in 1996, asked "Is oral sex 'real' sex?"
About 52 percent of the men said yes, but only 46 percent of women did."
_________________

Cool, there are several women out there that I could see/consider not "having sex" with. Sure would be nice to be able to tell my spouse we didn't have sex, just like Slick Willie told us.

I know I may be a sick puppy, but what happened to the cigar, smoked or just gnawed on?

[adamberberich]

I'd say sex is taking place when the nipple makes its first appearance.

[drputt45]

As near as I can remember................Oh yeah, we're talking about sex here. I always thought sex was a lot like bridge. If you have a good hand, you don't need a partner.

[pubsnomore]

So while Repiglickkkans are out at the rest areas and behind the dumpsters of their favorite fat food joint, doing their angry dance with their same sex partner, they go out in public and pretend that sex is only meant for porkcreation, like the buybull tells 'em so, and that only a man and a woman can be married.

What a bunch of hypocrite scum! No wonder they're disappearing.

[drputt45]

Good call about the Reps hiding out, not like the Dems who do it in the Whitehouse. Good ol' Bill and the Kennedys, ain't they a hoot!

[DaVicar5]

So that's your answer - if a Republican is doing it, it's wrong?
. . . thanks for such a clear, and unbiased opinion.

[fariborzzak]

1- there is some kind of SEX(oral,anal,.......)
2-Governer or simple employee they need sex, Sanford is a man he needs sex.
3-her wife should be punished because she did not satisfy Sanford.

[culturechang]

I know that we are in a War on Sex from all sides and perspectives.

[erasmus111]

by hungry1968-15 July 1, 2009 6:48 AM PDT
You are, MOST DEFINITELY, my kind of woman!!


She's had 12 kids and can't shut her mouth. I don't think so! : )

[docpeter1953]

Don't think she was using her mouth if she had 12 kids.

[mcintoshlou]

SOUNDS LIKE SARAH PALIN

[AttentionDeficit]

Sex is a misdemeaner...da more I miss it, da meaner I gets

[mcintoshlou]

SEX IS SOMETHING DEMOCRATS DO,

REPUBLI'CON's HAVE JESUS EXPERIENCES WITH WOMEN,

THEN THEY ARE FORGIVEN TO GO SIN AGAIN,

THEY ARE OFTEN REFERRED TO AS HYPOCRITES,

WHICH THEY MOST CERTAINLY ARE, THEY ARE

UN-AMERICAN DIRT BAGS AS WELL.

[rhs648]

Amazing! Mankind and the animal world have been having sex for millions of years and we don't know what sex is. Watch a porno film for the answer. Nearly every move in a porno film whether it be dancing, stripping, oral, vaginal, or anal is sex or sex related. Anything intented for arousal to lead to sex is "sex." A doctor once told me about a female patient whose boyfriend had a venereal disease. The doctor tokd her not to have sex with her boyfriend. In a follow up visit, the girl told the doctor that she was not having sexual relations with her boyfriend. Instead, she was doing it orally. Now give us a break.

[whymayiask]

Who cares what the definition of "sex" is. The REAL question should be what is considered infidelity.

[gravyboat4000]

by gravyboat4000 July 1, 2009 6:59 AM PDT
Can you sext mutal ************?

Sorry CBS, Satisfaction?

Funny, the M word is in the story...