Love & Lust: Will Sanford Marriage Last?

(CBS)  Sex scandals and politicians aren't anything new, but the case of South Carolina governor Mark Sanford falling in love with his mistress just may be.


With high-profile affairs like former New York governor Eliot Spitzer being caught with a hooker, the cause often appears to be lust. But not with Sanford.

He claimed in his confession last week he actually fell in love with his mistress.

But what does that mean for his marriage to Jenny Sanford?

Marriage, family and child therapist Dr. Jenn Berman, author of "The A to Z Guide to Raising Happy, Confident Kids," discussed the differences in Sanford's affair and what it means for his relationship with his wife on The Early Show Monday.

After reading e-mail correspondence, Berman concluded Sanford certainly believes he is in love.

Rodriguez asked Berman if the Sanfords' marriage can survive -- like the Spitzers -- even though the relationship between the governor and the Argentine woman seems to be love rather than just lust.

"It's much more difficult for a marriage to survive an emotional affair," Berman said. "With Spitzer, he was just having sex with a prostitute. I mean, not just, obviously, he betrayed his wife."

"But in this situation, this is an ongoing affair," she said. "And when you have a sexual indiscretion, or a fling, it's a moment of poor judgment, but when you have a one-year relationship that involves emotional attachment and connection, it's a series of lies and deceit, and that's much more difficult for a marriage to recover from."

Rodriguez asked Berman about Sanford's claim that he wanted to go to Argentina to break off the affair.

Berman said that probably wasn't Sanford's intention. "We don't go to Argentina to call things off," she said. "We go to Argentina to have physical contact with people in Argentina."

Berman said she doesn't buy the fact that he wanted to end the affair.

"That's what phones and e-mail are for," Berman said, referring to a way he could have broken off the relationship. And referring to his lengthy love letters to his mistress, she added, "He clearly knows how to use e-mail."

Berman said the affair must be incredibly embarrassing for Jenny Sanford.

Berman said Jenny must be feeling anger, as well as experiencing issues with trust. She added Jenny must also be worrying about her family.

"This couple has a lot of work ahead of them," Berman said.

Berman said "it's a tough call" to know whether or not the couple will stay together.

She said, "(Jenny) is clearly is very committed to her marriage and her husband, but this is a tough one to work past."

[barbierb]

I think Sanford and his wife may have had a chance at working out their maritial problems, until he stated on public television that he was going to work at loving his wife again. Dear God, why would she stay with him after a statement like that, he should be down on his knees begging her and telling her how sorry he is, but no he will work at loving her again. She has one consolation as most men who cheat on their wifes will eventually cheat on their mistresses.

[licht1]

Don't worry, Mark Sanford will fix the relationship. After all, he told AP that he counseled Ms. Chapur on her marriage, and look how well that turned out!


See:

http://notionscapital.wordpress.com/2009/06/30/mark-sanford-hes-back/

[meinohio2]

I had to laugh when I read he was comparing imself to King David and his "struggles". Lol. What an ego maniac! And that is what affairs - whether emotional or physical or both - are about - EGO. He stroked hers, she stroked his.

I wish Jenny would divorce him I really do. I wish he would be made to resign as governor. But in the end, she has to think of her four young kids and the effects on them. Did THEIR FATHER ever think of it ? No, of course not. For one thing, he would never get caught! (right). For another, this has nothing to do with the kids or his wife. He fell IN LOVE! It was FATE! It was MEANT TO BE! It "just happened!!" Lol. You hear ALL of that (and more) when an affair is discovered.

It is sad, because he will not ride off into the sunset with the Agentina wench (oh sorry, she is "wonderful", she is "amazing", she is sooooooooooo perfect - ahem! - except that she gets it on willingly with a married man and a governor to boot). If they ever did hook up, their relationship would be over with within 2 years. Affair relationships very rarely make it in the light of day. Affairs are all about secrecy, lust, that romantic love that you have at the *beginning* of a relationship (and affairs can last a long time because you only see each other intermittently, you do not live together, you do not have to pick up his stinky socks, nor do you have to listen to her fart in the john)... what is it about 1% of affair relationships actually last in the real world ? Doesn't that tell you something?

But no, they keep happening, because it is the lust and ego stroking that keeps them going. Kids? who cares. Wife? who cares. High profile job? Who cares.

And sending emails back and forth? Talk about STUPID. Yes, people in affairs also seem to "dumb down", for some reason. I guess it is all that "TRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUE Love!!!!" that clouds their judgement.

Oh well who cares? Affairs are happening all the time. In 90% of marriages, one or both of the spouses have cheated. Often, there has been infidelity and the spouse never finds out.

Maybe marriage should be abolished, it seems to be a useless vehicle these days. It just causes a lot of heartache. TRUST is a thing of the past. Did it ever exist?

[redrockraven]

When You Vote Republican You Get Immorality
Newsvine.com... Sun Jun 28, 2009 9:41 PM EDT
Republicans never tire of making public displays of how concerned they are with America's moral fabric while supporting their own adultery and fornication at the same time. This while they judge others, deny equal rights to gays, plunder America's treasury on illegal wars, support torture and discriminate against anyone who does not agree with them. Americans been barraged with laws, programs, sermons, demagoguery, the religious right, right wing bigots and all sorts of moral demonization from a Republican political movement whose most powerful pundit is a multiple-times-divorced drug addict who flamboyantly cavorts around with a new girlfriend every few months. (See the list of 99 immoral Republicans below)

The GOP harbors these deviants and why Americans seem oblivious in caring is beyond words! Americans get more upset over two men kissing in a movie than they do murder, rape or soliticious sexual affairs by Republicans. Perhaps it is their own self righteousness that dictates a gross misjudgment of immorality.

After all, even now that this conduct has been exposed, their instinct, all the way to the highest levels, is to excuse and defend those leaders and offer up the most disgusting defenses, all because preservation of their political power depends on it. This is not some bizarre aberration. This is how they operate and it is who they are.

Republicans and the religious right talk a lot about threats to marriage and families, especially when scaring Americans about gay people. They do this to control, manipulate and raise money in an obscene hypocritical manner; however these right-wingers have the market on breaking up families and marriages, creating orphaned children and hurting people and destroying the moral fabric in America.

The Republican Party nor the right-wing, religious right preachers who claim "family values," and "pro-marriage" platforms in the context of their Party and their religion in order to propel themselves to power and who cannot remain faithful to their own families and churches, demonstrates the PURE hypocrisy of the right wing and the so called "Christian/Religious Right".

I must admit I always get a good laugh out of witnessing another one of these "family values" type politicians getting caught with his pants down. I say if a man cheats on his wife, he will cheat on anyone, his wife, his children, his political Party, his church, his congregants and his country.

The truth is that on a personal level these solicitous sexual affairs are none of my business however when elected leaders, taking taxpayer money, stand on their soapboxes and judge others, when they condemn gays and deny equal rights to all Americans, when they destroy the lives of their families and their children, when they use their political power to deny rights and benefits to others and use taxpayer money for self-righteous and religious right agendas then it becomes my business, it becomes Americas' business.

[Solarrays247]

"The truth is that on a personal level these solicitous sexual affairs are none of my business however when elected leaders, taking taxpayer money, stand on their soapboxes and judge others, when they condemn gays and deny equal rights to all Americans, when they destroy the lives of their families and their children, when they use their political power to deny rights and benefits to others and use taxpayer money for self-righteous and religious right agendas then it becomes my business, it becomes Americas' business."
by redrockraven June 29, 2009 3:54 PM PDT


I commend you. This is one of the best posts that I have read on this subject, and at least for me, says it all! Thank you.

[solsenz]

Should he resign? Let's see he abandoned his office - what if an emergency had happened? Took Tax Payer money to have an affair in another Country, while trying to keep the stimulus $$ from getting to the people of his State, and lied and cheated on his Staff, Family, and constituents. What would it take for him to resign? Morality? Character, integrity? Is any of this present with this man?

[maggotbrane]

I am betting Sanford will leave his boring life, wife, and Republican Party and move to Argentina; hook-up with Maria, and run for President of Argentina and win, and live happily ever after. The End.

[ArmyBrat66]

Why should they stay married? He has not only broken trust, he has gleefully trampled all over it, holding his wife and children up to public ridicule and shame and never once thought of them. His cant over finding solace now in the Bible really enrages me - he didn't think of all those bible teachings when he was getting it on with that Argentine person. Has his wife no brother or male cousin to punch his lights out? He's a typical politician - only he matters. A public beat-down is the only thing that would get through his thick skull. This is no longer a private matter of marital discord - he abandoned his state for a foreigner. Is there no man in South Carolina willing to deal with his betrayal?