Do Kids Take Toll On Marriages?

Study Found 90 Percent Of Couples Experienced A Decrease In Marital Satisfaction Once First Child Born

(CBS)  Does having kids take a toll on a marriage? A new study from the University of Denver found that 90 percent of couples in their study experienced a decrease in marital satisfaction once their first child was born.

Relationship expert and author of "Love in the Time of Colic," Dr. Ian Kerner, visited the The Early Show to talk about the study and offer up some tips for maintaining marital bliss.

Co-anchor Maggie Rodriguez asked Kerner if he thought the people surveyed were cynics or realists.

"As the father of two I would say maybe a little bit of both. Kind of depends which side of the bed that you're waking up on," Kerner said. "I think it is true, when you have children you go into it believing that it's going to be the happiest time of your life. And I think what the study shows is that for a lot of couples relationship satisfaction does decrease."

Kerner stressed that couples have to make a conscious effort to keep working on their relationship.

"They have to work harder because you're investing -- suddenly you're investing everything in your children, and it's really easy to stop investing in your relationship," Kerner said.

In his book, Kerner offers several tips on how to maintain a satisfying relationship. Number one, maintain intimacy outside the bedroom.

"You know, when you have kids you spend all of your time hugging your kids, you're dressing your kids, you're doting on your kids, and you really stop doing that with each other," Kerner said. "There was a recent study that came out that showed if you just hug your partner for 20 seconds it increases oxytocin levels, which actually increases a sense of connectedness, and a bond. So that's why all of that hugging and kissing, and cuddling.

"Sitting next to each other and holding hands, it's really important that you do that as a couple and not just through your kids," Kerner added.

Regular date nights are an important investment in a relationship, Kerner said.

"Date night is super important from the beginning, and I think especially what I'm seeing as a therapist in these recessionary times is everybody is pulling back on date night," he said. "But I think the best thing that you can do in this economy is to invest in your relationship, and to keep going out, and to hold onto date night."

And what about sex?

"This is a really big issue. More than 50 million Americans in this country are stuck in sex slumps. That means they haven't had sex in days, weeks, months, years," Kerner said. "That's when couples get really disconnected and detached. It's important to have sex, to have that intimate connection. It's what makes you more than just parents. More than just friends."