Jan. 25, 2009
Surrogates: Redefining Motherhood
More Than Two Decades After Baby M, More Couples Are Using Surrogate Mothers To Carry Their Embryos
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Play CBS Video Video Special Delivery While the use of surrogate mothers is still a controversial practice, for couples unable to get pregnant it is their only chance. Kelly Wallace reports.
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Gina, a surrogate mother, delivered twins (Iris and Ivory) for their parents - Tom Pistula and Jeffrey Lui. (CBS)
It's their big night. The race is on … Melissa and Michael Musman from Brooklyn, New York have rushed to OSF St. Francis Medical Center in Peoria, Ill., to have their first child.
They've barely made it … but Melissa's not the one giving birth. Tracy - a surrogate mother - is.
New science and new laws are making for a new day for birth mothers like Tracy (she asked us not to use her last name) and parents like Melissa and Michael, whom we first met three weeks earlier.
"Just thinking about it now, I can get tears in my eyes," Michael said. "It's going to be a very emotional moment for me. Both of us."
A month after their wedding in 2006, Melissa had non-cancerous tumors removed from her pelvis and abdomen. Radiation made her infertile.
"How difficult was it when you learned you wouldn't be able to have a baby yourself?" Wallace asked.
"In the beginning, it was difficult, because every little girl dreams of getting married and having a baby," Melissa said.
"Ah, it was tough," Michale said. "You know, you get married, you want to have children. There were a lot of tears at nighttime, a lot of crying."
But before the surgery, Melissa saved one of her eggs. So, with Michael's sperm, the Musmans could create an embryo using in vitro fertilization (or IVF) … a test tube baby.
But they still needed a willing woman and her healthy womb to do the rest.
"It is like a dating service, and both people can say no," said New Jersey lawyer Melissa Brisman, who found the surrogate mother for the Musmans. She's a leading "matchmaker" connecting surrogates with people who can't have children themselves.
"These are the intended parent coordinators," Brisman said.
"What does that mean, 'intended parent coordinator'?" asled Wallace.
"They call the clients and they go over what the clients are looking for in their carrier," Brisman said. "We're really trying to hit people who are 26 to 42, who have given birth before, who like being pregnant, who want to help a couple - and certainly, you know, don't mind making some extra money doing it."
Surrogacy today is a far cry from the late '80s, when Americans were gripped by the Baby M case.
(CBS)
After giving birth in 1986, she wanted to keep the baby. The highly-publicized court battle ended with Whitehead losing custody, but she was given visitation rights.
Today, attorneys like Melissa Brisman (herself the mother of three children born through surrogacy) create contracts that are airtight, assuring that the baby's "carrier" is simply that - a body with a uterus, with no genetic ties to the baby.
"We never had a carrier that we found and screened that actually wanted to keep the baby," Brisman said.
Surrogates today are more like Gina Scanlon and Jennifer (again, first name only), both from the Pittsburgh area.
Scanlon, 42 years old, is a portrait painter and mother of three. She delivered twins as a surrogate two years ago. And now, in part because her husband Brian needs expensive surgery, Scanlon is pregnant again.
In contrast, this is Jennifer's first try as a surrogate. She's a 36-year-old stay-at-home mother of two.
"Being a mother, I can't imagine life without my children," she told Wallace, "and so you know, it really came to the fact that I would really like to help another couple have a child that they otherwise could not."
"What do you think is inside of you that said, 'I want to be a surrogate'?" asked Wallace.
"I love being pregnant," Gina told her. "It's a great experience. And having met friends and family who experienced infertility, their choices are limited. I felt that I wanted to do this for someone else. My family was complete."
"Did you ever worry, first time, that you would not want to give up those babies?"
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"It was never something that entered my mind," Gina said. I'm ecstatic for them. This is a great gift. I got to be part of that, making me really happy and joyful to know I could make someone else's life so happy.
Tracy, a surrogate mother"Never at all?"
"No. You go into it with the thought that this is for someone else. It is not your baby to give up. It's their baby from the start. And the end is the reward: The end is being able to deliver this baby and turn it over to the parents. And see, they've been waiting for years for this to happen. And it finally happens when they're holding their own child. And it's so worth it."
Gina delivered twins for their parents - Tom Pistula and Jeffrey Lui. Tom is a college professor; Jeffrey an accountant. Iris and Ivory were conceived with an egg provided by an egg bank and sperm supplied by Jeffrey.
What were they looking for in a surrogate?
"A woman who I thought was emotionally secure enough to give up the children and … to be able to handle that process," Tom said.
They say they want the twins to call Gina "Auntie."
"What do you they mean to you, Iris and Ivory?" Wallace asked Jeffrey.
"They are my world," he said. "I just can't imagine without them how life would be."
Paying a surrogate remains illegal in several parts in the United States.
It's also against the law in most of Europe, which is why Sylvia and Michaela came all the way from Italy to the La Jolla IVF Clinic in California.
Sylvia lost her uterus - and almost her life - after a miscarriage. The couple watched as embryos created through his sperm and her eggs were placed inside the body of a 30-year-old surrogate - a woman they'd earlier communicated with from afar but never before met.
The process took just minutes.
"It is inconceivable to have done this 30 years ago," Michaela said.
A few weeks later, they will learn the procedure was a success - and it's twins
"A miracle!" Sylvia said.
The miracle has a high price. The fee for the entire surrogacy process ranges from $80,000 to well over $100,000.
Of that, doctors get $9,000 to $15,000; agencies, $15,000 to $20,000; and the surrogates? First-timers get $18,000 to $25,000; experienced surrogates, up to $40,000.
And in this tough economy, applications from potential surrogates are escalating. Still, Brisman says, of the 100 to 200 queries/applications received every week, she only accepts about five to ten.
"When people see an ad, 'Become a surrogate mother,' they think they're just gonna show up, get pregnant and get all this money," Brisman said. "And once they actually fill out the application, and get interviewed, they actually understand what it means."
What is Jennifer's reaction to the criticism from some who call surrogates a "womb for rent"?
"It's, it's kind of offensive," Jennifer said. "It's insulting. It's very insulting."
"Does it make you angry when you hear something like that?" Wallace asked.
"A little bit, yeah," she said. "It's a service that you're providing, if you want to think of it that way. More than, it's an exploitation of your body. You're not selling your body."
All the same, surrogacy remains an act raising questions about our whole notion of motherhood, that unmistakable bond between mother and child.
"The definition of motherhood is changing over time," Brisman said. "Like, it's not necessarily the woman who gives birth is the mother. It's very hard for people to accept. I think in a few years or, you know, maybe ten years, this is just going to be old news."
Back in Peoria, Melissa and Michael Musman's world is about to change forever.
"I see it, oh my God, oh my God, it's a little boy!" she said.
Michael can't hide his delight; Melissa can't keep off the phone …
"I am overwhelmed with joy," Michael said. "I want to thank Tracy for everything she did for us."
And Tracy - who's now very much in the background - just doesn't want to cry.
"I'm ecstatic for them," she said. "This is a great gift. I got to be part of that, making me really happy and joyful to know I could make someone else's life so happy."
The happiest gift of all - the gift life, or as Melissa describes him, "our miracle child."
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Add a Comment See all 69 Comments
- I don't understand why someone with a job cannot become a surrogate because they have foodstamps. There are many people who support themselves with a job and a little help from the government. As long as the surrogate mother is working and she isn't relying on surrogate funds, it should be ok. It's a healthy and generous thing to do. Everyone needs help sometimes. =)
- Reply to this comment
- There are people signing up daily on DonorPride.com to become Surrogates, Egg Donors, Male Known Donors, Buyers and Co-Parents. Times have really changed!
- Reply to this comment
- I think my post was lost. Anyhow, I had one child
and cannot undestand how women do that TWICE. It was
a horrible experience and no amount of money would
entice me to be a SURROGATE!!!! - Reply to this comment
- This is just an continuation of the age-old arguement about a woman''s right to do what she wants with her own body. This would involve abortion, surrogacy and prostitution. It is her business and no one elses.
- Reply to this comment
- And why in the heck is the "unwanted children that need adopting" card always thrown in these types of stories? Do you know how hard it is to adopt? How much money it costs? What if you''re not equipped to handle a special needs child - like most of the children available for adoption in our country are. Should you be told that you can''t have children unless you adopt? It''s not selfish, it''s a choice in how you spend your money, plain and simple. It can actually be cheaper to do surrogacy than to go through adoption. Especially if you cut the agencies out of the picture.
- Reply to this comment
- Posted by MarvinF2--
All right, enough!! STOP all you self-important, egomaniacs hijacking this fourm..., let%u2019s get back to the original topic at hand - surrogates and how they are possibly misusing our health insurance money....
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I don''t know about anybody else, but how can my being a surrogate and using the insurance that I pay my HARD EARNED money for be misuse? Anyone? Anyone? You''re not allowed to be a surrogate as a general rule if you''re on public assistance. Get educated, idjit, before you start spewing. - Reply to this comment
- For all of you nay-sayers - Good point you brought up about the millions of unwanted children.
So, how many of you have adopted any of them. Actions speak louder than words. - Reply to this comment
- Personally, I see nothing wrong with having a child for a couple who cannot have children. I am a gestational carrier who just gave birth a few weeks ago, and I look forward to doing it again. I had a wonderful pregnancy, an even more wonderful delivery, I wouldn''t take back one second of the experience.
- Reply to this comment
- WOW, I can''t believe all the hate on this post from so called Good Christians, Maybe you need to re-read your bibles, only one can judge and it''s not any of you
And for those who post and can''t use your real names, why are you pointing fingers?
Surrogates, ***, the Government are not the reason for the collapse of our Economy, look at greed, banks, uneducated people who can''t pay mortgages or get a job, maybe you should all pray for them
maybe all the haters on this post should start educating Americas youth to abstained from ***, or practice safe ***, maybe you should look in the mirror, maybe you can be a better neighbor, friend, father, mother
live and let live, stop the hate - Reply to this comment
- I fail to understand why people have to go this route when there are thousands, if not millions, of children who are already born that need a good home.
Posted by muchetd at 08:25 PM : Jan 25, 2009
Absolutely agreed. - Reply to this comment
- fail to understand why people have to go this route when there are thousands, if not millions, of children who are already born that need a good home.
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Excellent point.
The pinnacle of arrogance for these sterile people is thinking that this world just won''t be complete unless they spawn a clone of themselves....like there''s not enough spawn here already. - Reply to this comment
- Very disturbing story.
I fail to understand why people have to go this route when there are thousands, if not millions, of children who are already born that need a good home.
They are forced to live in orphanages or foster homes until they are 18.
Why aren''t the rules changed making it easier for people to adopt?
Why don''t these people adopt a baby? They are there.
Why don''t they adopt a child who is 6 months old? they are there.
Why don''t they adopt a child who is 1 to ??? years old? they are there and need a loving family too.
Why are they not even considered?
I find it cruel that these people are willing to pay $80,000 to over $100,000 to create a life when there are thousands already created who need someone.
SAD. What a waste and how SELFISH.
Thanks for making these people heroes.
What is the difference from prostitution?
I probably will not watch your program again. But of course that is my choice.
And looking at your mean, hateful comments above I''m sure you''ll have one for me too.
"The Publish button will be enabled shortly. We have temporarily disabled it so everyone has an opportunity to comment."
Are you going to Un-disable? I have been trying to Publish for an hour - interesting. How many people want to publish a comment? this is a joke. do you have to be someone"special" to publish a comment or what???????? - Reply to this comment
- Very disturbing story.
I fail to understand why people have to go this route when there are thousands, if not millions, of children who are already born that need a good home.
They are forced to live in orphanages or foster homes until they are 18.
Why aren''t the rules changed making it easier for people to adopt?
Why don''t these people adopt a baby? They are there.
Why don''t they adopt a child who is 6 months old? they are there.
Why don''t they adopt a child who is 1 to ??? years old? they are there and need a loving family too.
Why are they not even considered?
I find it cruel that these people are willing to pay $80,000 to over $100,000 to create a life when there are thousands already created who need someone.
SAD. What a waste and how SELFISH.
Thanks for making these people heroes.
What is the difference from prostitution?
I probably will not watch your program again. But of course that is my choice.
And looking at your mean, hateful comments above I''m sure you''ll have one for me too.
"The Publish button will be enabled shortly. We have temporarily disabled it so everyone has an opportunity to comment."
Are you going to Un-disable? I have been trying to Publish for an hour - interesting. How many people want to publish a comment? this is a joke. do you have to be someone"special" to publish a comment or what???????? I started this @ 5:00 pm; it''s now 7:07 pm est and the same thing - publish turned off. BS. you don''t want comments because all are negative. - Reply to this comment
- Surrogates find MOTHERHOOD?????
And a picture of two gay guys. How demeaning.
Dang. Someone take the editor out back and throw them out with the trash they produced. I D I O T. - Reply to this comment
- I am a 26 year CBS Sunday Morning Watcher. Not any more. I am tired of the now OVERT shameles promotion of GAYNESS. This story baked my cake. We interview a seemingly nice brown haired surrogate mother who said "I have been witness to so many brokehearted families who have not been able to get pregnant" then we go to the GAY guys and the babies she made for them. These people could never have a abay and SHOULD NEVER have a baby. Stop jerking the public around with blatant misrepresentations. SHAME ON YOU and BOODBYE.
- Reply to this comment
- Very disturbing story.
I fail to understand why people have to go this route when there are thousands, if not millions, of children who are already born that need a good home.
They are forced to live in orphanages or foster homes until they are 18.
Why aren''t the rules changed making it easier for people to adopt?
Why don''t these people adopt a baby? They are there.
Why don''t they adopt a child who is 6 months old? they are there.
Why don''t they adopt a child who is 1 to ??? years old? they are there and need a loving family too.
Why are they not even considered?
I find it cruel that these people are willing to pay $80,000 to over $100,000 to create a life when there are thousands already created who need someone.
SAD. What a waste and how SELFISH.
Thanks for making these people heroes.
What is the difference from prostitution?
I probably will not watch your program again. But of course that is my choice.
And looking at your mean, hateful comments above I''m sure you''ll have one for me too.
"The Publish button will be enabled shortly. We have temporarily disabled it so everyone has an opportunity to comment."
Are you going to Un-disable? I have been trying to Publish for an hour - interesting. How many people want to publish a comment? this is a joke. do you have to be someone"special" to publish a comment or what???????? I started this @ 5:00 pm; it''s now 7:07 pm est and the same thing - publish turned off. - Reply to this comment
- I think I''ll just type something and post it 5,000 times like all the other morons on this board.
- Reply to this comment
- Posted by MarvinF2
%u201CFor your type, it always comes down to the money. So sad.%u201D wango2007
Thanks for your comment. Spoken like someone who doesn%u2019t have much, and never
worked very hard for what you have. I never care what someone like %u201Cyour type%u201D thinks.
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See, you only value things based on money... again! This time you demonize me because you suppose I don''t have money. You only care what people think if they have money!!! Both sad and sick!
YOU are the face of the greedy materialism that has ruined our economy and foreclosed on homes. YOU are the face of those who are closing factories that have made millions unemployed. YOU are the face of those who would be glad to see the hungry starve unless there was profit in helping them. YOU are the face of all those who are greedy and heartless and evil.
Between having money and having character, I''ll take character every time. Your greedy self-centeredness is all that is wrong about America. - Reply to this comment
- Posted by muchetd
~~~
If we aren''t going to read your rants, why would you think we would read them multiple times? - Reply to this comment
- Very disturbing story.
I fail to understand why people have to go this route when there are thousands, if not millions, of children who are already born that need a good home.
They are forced to live in orphanages or foster homes until they are 18.
Why aren''t the rules changed making it easier for people to adopt?
Why don''t these people adopt a baby? They are there.
Why don''t they adopt a child who is 6 months old? they are there.
Why don''t they adopt a child who is 1 to ??? years old? they are there and need a loving family too.
Why are they not even considered?
I find it cruel that these people are willing to pay $80,000 to over $100,000 to create a life when there are thousands already created who need someone.
SAD. What a waste and how SELFISH.
Thanks for making these people heroes.
What is the difference from prostitution?
I probably will not watch your program again. But of course that is my choice.
And looking at your mean, hateful comments above I''m sure you''ll have one for me too.
"The Publish button will be enabled shortly. We have temporarily disabled it so everyone has an opportunity to comment."
Are you going to Un-disable? I have been trying to Publish for an hour - interesting. How many people want to publish a comment? - Reply to this comment
The road ahead in Afghanistan, and the crucial decision Obama faces.
