Perusing The Christmas Catalogs

Looking For Something To Buy? Andy Rooney Isn't!

(CBS)  The following is a weekly 60 Minutes commentary by CBS News correspondent Andy Rooney.

---

I get a lot of Christmas catalogs with hundreds of gift ideas in them and I like getting them because there are always a lot of ideas for things I don't want.

Brookstone says they'll give me $20 free if I buy $100 worth of there stuff. Why don't they just charge me $80 for it?

Wisteria says if I spend $200 they'll give me 20 percent off my next order. Wait right there, Wisteria.

"Over 450 Great Gifts Under $30." Maybe I'll take one of each of those. Would that be just $30?

"Highlights," whatever "Highlights" is, says it'll give you a 2009 hidden pictures calendar with every order. I'd want to see a couple of the hidden pictures first. What would a "hidden picture" be anyway?

"Museum Store" I guess they sell museums. Maybe I'll buy a couple of museums.

Holiday jewelry. This is a Sears Catalog. Sears, what ever happened to Roebuck? You never hear "Sears Roebuck" anymore.

Call if you're out there, Roebuck.

Another catalog offers free fudge. I haven't had any good fudge in years and I doubt I'd like their free fudge either. Free is the worst kind of fudge.

One ad says, "These cocktail napkins made us laugh out loud." One of the last things I want is a funny cocktail napkin. Just give me the drink, please.

There's a pair of marshmallow roasters. I like roasting marshmallows, but I don't have a fire very often.

Now this is something I'd really like one of, two maybe: a "pocket sized" germ eliminating light. I've always wanted a pocket-sized light that would eliminate germs. It's guaranteed to eliminate 99.9 percent of all bacteria. Maybe one of my kids will give me this for Christmas. They're good to me.

I like Christmas presents. My father and mother gave me a train when I was 12 that actually ran on a track. Maybe that was the best gift I ever got. Don't give me anything this year, though. The chances are, if I want it, I already bought it.

[lizzieborde1]

And the Christmas catalogues start arriving in August.

[oneworldusa]

One of the better Andy Rooney reports I''ve seen in a LONG time, and how true!

[tobelah]

I agree with your view on the craziness of the enticements of all the catalogs you recieve. Best thing to do is to get them to take you off their mailing lists so you don''t have to deal with them anymore and at the same time you will also do your part in being "green" by saving paper. Toby Breakstone