Can 365 Nights Of Sex Bolster A Marriage?

When Their Marriages Fell Into The Doldrums, Two Long-Married Couples Took Action

(WebMD) 
The Science of Frequent Sex

Helen Fisher, PhD, a research professor and member of the Center for Human Evolutionary Studies in the department of anthropology at Rutgers University, says couples trigger sex drive, romance , and attachment -- along with their attendant hormones, testosterone, dopamine, and oxytocin --with regular sexual activity.

Fisher is an advocate of frequent sex.

She says that in some hunting and gathering societies, such as the Kung bushmen in the southern Kalahari, couples often make love every day for relaxation. Unlike our time-pressed culture, there is more leisure time.

"Sex is designed to make you feel good for a reason," says Fisher. "With someone you love, I recommend it for many reasons: It's good for your health and good for your relationship. It's good for respiration, muscles, and bladder control. It's a fine antidepressant , and it can renew your energy."

Andrea M. Macari, PhD, a clinical psychologist who specializes in sex therapy in Great Neck, N.Y., says the theories presented in the two books reflect sex therapy literature.

"Regular sex actually increases sexual deire in the couple," she tells WebMD. "In other words, the more you 'do it,' the more the individuals will seek it. You develop a desire that wasn't normally there. The act itself is reinforcing."

But she points out that sex doesn't have to be "mind-blowing."

"I encourage couples to have 'good enough' sex. This sets realistic expectations and often lowers anxiety. Sex is like pizza: even when it's bad, it's usually still pretty good. On a scale from one to 10, good-enough sex is between 5 and 7."

Doug Brown admits that he and his wife were tired on many nights. But, he says, "Once we started, we got in the mood. We were never sorry we did it."


Scheduled Sex: Good for Your Relationship?

"The two married couples who document having sex on a daily basis are great role models for other couples who want to take their relationship to a higher level of intimacy," says Ava Cadell, PhD, founder and president of Loveology University and a certified sex counselor.

Cadell's six-week course called "Passion Power" includes a commitment form, a questionnaire, and daily sensual exercises to help couples deepen their bond. "When a couple makes a commitment to explore and expand their sexuality together, they become 100% fluent in the art of love, intimacy, and sexuality. They can stay in lust forever."

But some experts think scheduled sex can backfire.

Pepper Schwartz, PhD, a professor of sociology at the University of Washington in Seattle, says, "Whether or not it works, most couples can't do it. Those who do maintain that kind of schedule have either a sexual appetite of Olympian proportions or have at least one partner who finds that as their most important way of staying connected and the other partner has tremendous grace and goodwill. There are no couples I have ever met that are in that good a mood, or have that kind of energy every day. So this is a model that will appeal to few and be practiced by even fewer."

But, she concedes, staying sexually and emotionally connected on a frequent basis has merit.

"Sexual attraction and sexual arousal bring to bear two very important hormones, dopamine and oxytocin, both of which create bliss and bonding. Even if the lovemaking session started out with only a modest amount of interest, once arousal starts, these hormones create attachment, pleasure, and intimacy. So while everyday sex isn't necessary, frequent sex is a great bonus and even an essential part of most couple's commitment and happiness with one another."

Stress management expert Debbie Mandel, MA, thinks such sex might be a bit "gimmicky" and could lead to dissatisfaction.

"In many cases, abstinence makes the heart grow fonder. You don't have to abstain for a long period of time -- a few days off creates anticipation and eagerness. You might love steak, but having it every night diminishes the gustatory pleasure. Habituate yourself to regular sex, but don't ever let love become a routine, a robotic obligatory habit."

Doug Brown disagrees. He says setting up a period of time -- be it a long weekend, a week, or a month -- is a way to jump-start a sagging sexual relationship. "It should be possible for any couple to do it for a week and for it not to be a chore. It's free and it's fun. Why not plan it and take
advantage of it? Anticipation is a big part of sex."

Having sex every day may be unrealistic for most couples, but if you and your partner want to ramp up your sex life, experts offer the following tips for success:

Increase in increments. Muller recommends couples start by doubling their frequency. Then doubling it again in six months.

Re-examine your sex life -- often. Though they now average sex three times a week, Doug Brown says his wife recently told him they need a "tune-up," or a mini-marathon of sex.

Act on your desires. "Whenever you have the urge, says Macar, head straight for the bedroom. The more time [that elapses] between having the idea and following up and you'll lose motivation."

Fake it till you make it. Several experts agree: Even if you aren't in the mood, once you begin, you'll enjoy sex.

[elymayi]

I am realy glad I read this article. Me and my husband average 3 to 4 times a week in this arena, but he would like it to be more and I am eager to comply even though I get pretty tired. *** does bring you closer and it really does open the doors to become a better communicator in what makes you happy and any desires you may have. Its almost like a feeling of freedom to express what you like or dont like. For me, its about connecting to my husband and really enjoying ourselves through intimate interaction and afterwards it really makes him less stressed and just happy.

[cheeta21]

my wife and i have *** maybey once or twice a week even though my wife is 5 years older then I am. We did have had *** every day but that only lasted a month

[kaviz]

Hi ho hi ho it''s off to work I go.

[sly_64]

You mean I have to have sexxx only 365 a year ? Not good.

[incog-nito]

It won''t work. I tried this before, and I''m STILL not married.

[barefootboy9]

Voltaire777 , youir mother need to change your diaper. Run home and let her do it and if you will be a good little boy, she may give you a soda pop. Be nice now.

[barefootboy9]

No it would kill me.

[gaye5]

Hey, the CBS must be running out of news, as this stupid bit of news article has been on their site for a few days now.
I have only come on here to put a message and still havent bothered to read it..

[ajaxtheleast]

You mean reschedule our yearly 265 from

supper time to night time, add 100 and

try to answer your question.!!???

I think not.

[powerman2001]

I couldn''t do it. I don''t have the energy. After work, i just want to eat and go to bed. On the weekends, it''s great. Maybe I''m getting old. BTW, never believe those folks that claim to have *** everyday. They are mostly liars.

[smurfcrusher]

"Can 365 Nights Of *** Bolster A Marriage?"

Only if it''s between husband and wife.

[melv1n-2009]

In order for this to work, does the s e x
have to be only with your own spouse?

[whiskyrokr]

*** is overrated. Everyday is too much.

[drivelphobe]

dede70071..

Your husband has no issues other than you turn him off and for probably good reason. You sound like so many women who think they are hot but are actual dead beats in the bedroom. At least he has the guts to cut you off.

[rdupuy11]

when my wife and I first got married, I sure as heck didn''t care about any period. They said 365 days, I say 365 days, it doesn''t need any clarification.

[dede70071]

What do you do if it''s your husband who "doesn''t want it"? I read tons of articles about the woman "not" wanting ***, but what about the men who don''t? It''s just as devastating to a marraiage when the husband REFUSES to seually satisfy a wife, (like me)regardless of how I look, act, etc. He has some serious sexual issues that he won''t address. He just keeps ignoring them. I can''t take it anymore.
dede70071

[thgdriver]

When I was young, and in my prime, we liked to do it all the time. Now that I am old and gray, we only do it once a day.

[downpillow]

So is that like spaced out over 38 years?
Stef
http://www.ShopDownLite.com

[ajaxtheleast]

"And what''ll it be, sir?"


"A Trojan 365-Pack please"

[neo268]

The important part isn''t the ***. The important part is that they made time for each other each day.