Sep 12, 2008
Can 365 Nights Of Sex Bolster A Marriage?
When Their Marriages Fell Into The Doldrums, Two Long-Married Couples Took Action
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Photo
(CBS/iStockphoto)
Two long-married couples decided to find out. When lovemaking fell off their respective "to-do" lists, they ditched the sweats, bought sex toys and books, stepped up exercise, lit candles, and took trips. Then they chronicled their "sexperiment" in two recently released books, Just Do It: How One Couple Turned Off the TV and Turned On Their Sex Lives for 101 Days (No Excuses!) by Doug Brown and 365 Nights: A Memoir of Intimacy by Charla Muller with Betsy Thorpe.
But will daily sex really help a relationship that's hit a rough patch? Some experts say yes; others aren't so sure. As for the two couples who tried it, the Browns and the Mullers, both say the experiment strengthened their marriages in -- and out -- of the bedroom.
Charla Muller had been married for eight years to her husband, Brad, when she embarked on what she calls "the year of the gift" as a way to celebrate her husband's 40th birthday Rather than fixing anything wrong in her marriage , she writes that frequent sex made her happier, less angry, and less stressed.
Doug Brown's wife, Annie Brown, initiated the offer of daily sex after hearing about sexless marriages on Oprah. He had a similar revelation after they started having daily sex. A feature writer for The Denver Post, Brown writes of releasing "an avalanche of flesh pleasures upon our relationship."
"There's a special sense of being desired that only comes from sex," he tells WebMD. "You can be good at your job or at sports, but the daily confirmation you get through sex is a super feeling."
Reversing the Downward Sex Spiral
According to the National Opinion Research Center, the average American couple reports having sex 66 times a year. Newsweek has noted that 15% to 20% of couples have sex less than 10 times a year, which is defined as a "sexless" marriage.
Familiarity, advancing age, work pressures, the challenges of raising a family, and household responsibilities all conspire against regular sex among many otherwise loving couples who feel too harried to get physical.
When Doug Brown and his wife began their experiment in 2006, they were juggling two kids and two jobs. Married for 14 years, they averaged sex three times a month. And he admits he had performance anxiety .
"I felt I had to be a porn star or an Olympic gold medalist. That melted away with [daily] sex. We learned so much about each other. Sex became much more playful and that translated into a more playful union. We regained an electricity that wasn't always there before."
They also lost their inhibitions and embarrassment about the subject and gained confidence. "Now we can talk about anything."
The Mullers had a similar experience.
"I didn't realize how much not being [regularly] intimate stressed our relationship," Charla Muller tells WebMD. "I was a bit of a dodger, because I felt pressure to make it fabulous, because who knows when it will come around again? Now I'm not willing to give it up again."
She says an unexpected benefit of daily sex was the kindness it required of the couple.
"I wasn't expecting that. I thought we would only have to be really nice after hours. But we both had to bring our best game to the marriage every day. That was an important part of what went on behind closed doors."
By Suzanne Wright
Reviewed by Louise Chang
©2005-2008 WebMD, LLC. All rights reserved.
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See all 61 Comments/ / / / / / / ------DUMB
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Anyway, cheers for the fact that science has now joined the long list of organizations/groups that advocate ***. : )
what is coming in 2042 according to our own government? my curiosity is wondering.
It appears like you and your spouse need an occasional ''Recharges'' due to problems/tempos in your union.
Advise to read about how other cultures handles the same difficult matters in your marriage.
This article is a classic example. It assumes SSEEXX makes a happy marriage. Now that I am marriaged with 3 offsprings, I agreed with my mother old saying ''SSEEXX is less than 1 percent in a happy marriage.''
The Bush Administration will fine CBS, Inc. several millions if you can type SSEEXX here.
"what is coming in 2042 according to our own government? my curiosity is wondering."
Here is the re-post:
Folks,
According to the U.S. Census Bureau and the U.S. Centers for Diseases Control and Prevention, LEGAL Hispanics have a very High Positive birth rate and Anglo-Saxon Whites have a High Negative birth rate. Assuming constant current birth rates, LEGAL Hispanics will become the Majority race in the entire USA by 2042.
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/
2008/08/13/national/main4349428.shtml
Viva La Condoms and Successful Careers!
LOL lol :--))
Think many willies might fall off.
Can not put the Letters S.....E....X
they get *** out in a story about S.E.X.
Who''s up for skeet shooting afterward?
to cut back just to find out.
If these people had approached the commitment by making the act of lovemaking mechanical and a "chore," they would have probably become more estranged from each other.
LOL 3 times a month that''s pathetic! Of course maybe the guy was getting some on the side that the wife doesnt know about.
One or more of my partners and I do it every night, never gets boring, good for the bod!
Can not put the Letters S.....E....X
they get *** out in a story about S.E.X.
Posted by PapaBC
The CBS censors have abolished all kinds of words. You can''t say the first name of the current Vice President, for instance. D_ick becomes ***. There are lots of words that aren''t allowed - unless you work at CBS and write the articles that include them.
The ultimate double standard!
The pastor said since we failed, we weren''t welcomed to his church. We both told the pastor about a bigger problem....since that happened, we weren''t welcomed in KROGERS, either.
to cut back just to find out.
Posted by ajaxtheleast at 06:48 PM : Sep 12, 2008
ROFLMAO Too funny!!
JIff
http://www.fireme.to/udi
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Posted by Pensacola98 at 12:40 AM : Sep 13, 2008
Now that was funny!!!;)
Posted by runningralph
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Excellent post. But I wanted to highlight your final sentence, as you are 100% correct and that''s the one thing most people 45 or under haven''t figured out yet.
And, yes, I haven''t much ever "got any" so I do tend to obsess. That''s when I find other things to do, because reality is I''m not going to get much of any. Not at 20, 25, 30, 35, or now at 36. There''s so much that''s interesting in life that possibly, by now, I can''t even interface with other people - much less jump into bed with them. Does it matter? Not really. I''ve been called things like "freak" and "God''s little joke" all my life. Maybe because I''ve wanted marriage and building a proper life. (see, that sort of thinking is "devolved" and I''ve been called that too.)
Unlike narcissist crackpots, I am genuinely conscientious of others... Please take my tangent in stride. Reality is, some people just don''t get any, and we find ways to compensate, accept these emotions, and move on.
Back to reality, but I do want to applaud your message.
OK, some of you still didn''t get it, I meant I will bring myself to *** alone, if I don''t have any other means.
Every day, period. The only way there is an exception is if I''m really sick.
OK, so when we first got married, and for 4 or 5 year,s we probably did have *** everyday.
They are telling the truth, it makes both partners feel great, because, for the woman, its the daily being desired, the daily touching feeling.
Well put it this way, would you turn down a massage every day? *** involves a whole lot of feel good touching so lets call it a type of massage.
I don''t know some women have hangups, but most women love ***. Anyway, but we gradully stopped doing it every day (together). Why, well, I gained some weight and felt less good. Busier lives, etc.
I don''t know if we''ll return to everyday, but it sounds like a great idea to me. We did lose some intimacy.
And yes, I definatley feel more connected through ***. If I look at my wife right now, I see a woman, who is pretty, she''s ambitous, smart. A see a woman who complains, I see a woman who yells at the kids.
When we were having *** everyday, I saw my *** partner. Thats not a bad thing, thats actually a very positive thing, she could really do no wrong :)
Post-pardem depression caused lots of problems for my now ex. She couldn''t or wouldn''t settle down to being a mom. So there''s been nothing since just 2 months after our child was born.
Had we stayed married like I wanted perhaps this would have helped, this *** every day/night whatever.
Wish we were still together to see.
365 days.?
Edna is classical music buff.
She has us do it the timing and rhyme
of The Flight Of The Bumble Bee.
"A Trojan 365-Pack please"
Stef
http://www.ShopDownLite.com
dede70071
Your husband has no issues other than you turn him off and for probably good reason. You sound like so many women who think they are hot but are actual dead beats in the bedroom. At least he has the guts to cut you off.
have to be only with your own spouse?
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