Nightmare On Dem Street

National Review: The Clintons Are Back And Will Speak At The Democratic Convention

(National Review Online)  This column was written by Jonah Goldberg.

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For months now people have been saying to me, “Do you really think they’re gone?” “Is it finally over?” “Is the coast clear?”

The questions have been in response to Barack Obama’s supposedly yeoman service in putting an end to the Clintons in public life.

My response to those who believe our long national nightmare is over has always been: “Have you seen no monster movies?”
Freddy Krueger always comes back. Jason re-emerges from the pond one more time. Dracula had so many comebacks; nobody was surprised to see him hanging with Abbott and Costello.

Of course the Clintons will be back.

If the monster-movie thing is too offensive for you Clinton voluptuaries out there, think of it like this: They’re like Richard Gere in “An Officer and a Gentleman” (who, coincidentally, is hounded by a charismatic black dude but never gives up). They’ve got no place else to go.

And I was right. The Clintons are back. The coffin lid has sprung open, the seal of the crypt has been broken, the mutant virus has escaped the lab. Both Clintons will speak at the Democratic convention, and Hillary will get her I-told-you-so’s.

In the horror flicks, it’s not that the creatures are impervious to damage, it’s that no matter how much you hack them up, they seem to come back again. And again. And again. The Clintons have been horribly damaged, but they press on.

Bill Clinton is no supernatural serial killer - faint praise to most, too generous to a few. But he does have this juggernaut-like way of getting where he wants to be. One of his special powers is superhuman passive-aggressiveness. When recently asked if Obama was qualified to be president, Clinton responded, “You can argue that nobody is ready to be president.” Pressed again about Obama’s qualifications to be president, Clinton explained, “I never said he wasn’t qualified. The Constitution sets qualification for the president. And then the people decide who they think would be the better president.”

Bill could have really added some oomph to that endorsement if he’d only been willing to concede that Obama is a carbon-based life form meeting the minimal requirements defined by scientists for sentient life.

But that’s a lot to expect from the surrogate-in-chief for the Hillary Clinton campaign. At least that’s the impression one gets from the beautiful corpse, or rather beautiful autopsy of the corpse, on display over at The Atlantic. Like Richard Dreyfuss in “Jaws” (“This was no boating accident!”), reporter Joshua Green picks through the internal e-mail viscera of the Clinton campaign and finds that the destructive nature of the Clintons is not always aimed at their enemies.

Indeed, shocking as this may be to people naive enough to believe that a woman with no executive experience, no security clearance, no significant successes under her belt, who was catapulted to presidential prominence solely because her husband treated her like a cautionary tale in a country-music song, was nonetheless a co-president for eight years: It turns out that the Bride of Clintonstein was an awful chief executive. Infected by her husband’s passive-aggressiveness, she stood paralyzed as the HMS Hillary took on more and more water, until even the string quartet on the deck was leaping for the flotation devices.

As Green pulls memo after memo from the great white’s carcass like so many Florida license plates, we discover that the Clintons knew long, long ago that they couldn’t beat Barack Obama to the nomination. But winning was secondary, carnage was king. You might even say of her decision to stay in the race: This was no polling accident.

The Clintons adopted a deliberate strategy of diminishing Obama’s victories, and Mark Penn, Clinton’s trusted campaign manager, pushed for a strategy of ridiculing their black, funny-named opponent as insufficiently American. Such memos, if found in the underbelly of a Republican campaign, would be immortalized by the liberal establishment as permanent proof of conservative racism. When plucked from the bowels of a Democratic campaign, the response is some mild tsk-tsking.

But fixating on the plot is never a good idea with monster flicks. The point is that the story is always the same. And so it is this time as well. Bill and Hillary are back. And forever more, Barack Obama won’t be able to take a shower without fear of that curtain snapping back, as a woman - or is that a man? - prepares to plunge the knife into his back.

[veteran188]

The only real nightmare is on Main Street, America,

and that nightmare is another four years of McBush

[ohio38]

What if the Clintons actually do what they need to to get Obama elected? Shocking, but . . . it is certainly in their best interest and if anyone is preoccupied with their legacies, it''s them. Hillary needs a rousing speech to her supporters to throw their support behind Obama, reminding them of their minimal policy differences.Bill is brilliant and an excellent speaker. He who could use his time on stage to not only support Obama, but also rehabilitate his image. He''s still smarting over some primary coverage. If he can manage to deftly address some of those issues with the right language, he could help himself AND Obama. He could also be Obama''s attack dog for McCain on foreign policy; that''s a spotlight he could relish. Should be interesting. Then if Obama does lose, Clinton will be perfectly poised for 2012 and Obama supporters would willingly support her.

[jon2012-2009]

Do people still wonder if NRO will ever become mainstream media? You need only read the opening paragraph of today''s edition and you''ll know why NRO will never achieve respectability.

[mainedoggie]

Jonah Goldberg...
Another whining neo-con nutjob who has nothing left to spew from his venomous arsenal, except Clinton-slamming. Your party is through. You sound like a real *********!

[patriot12436]

mrcrewcut
I definately agree with you. That is why i have never joined a party. I cannot understand the blind loyalty of voting for a party. We should be intelligent enough to look at the facts and decide who is the best candidate without a party telling us who we should vote for.

[patriot12436]

sparks224
A very good idea. Bill Clinton could be put in charge of national security and go after all the *** offenders. Afterall it takes one to know one.

[mrcrewcut]

modern day Democratic Party sucks. so does the modern day Republican Party. someone let the rats in.

[patriot12436]

veteran188
I consider myself a conservative. I think we need leadership that will quit trying to dictate to the rest of the world to adopt our standards, a govt that will address the problems facing America and represent us as Americans. We need to stop foreign aid as we can no longer afford to support the rest of the world. Seal our borders, deport illegals and take care of the American people.

[patriot12436]

irliberal
They have to have someone give a speech, they threw everyone else under the bus.

[wogerwabbit]

The Repubs have had their chance to govern our country and have been found to be at the very best incompetant. To continue this losing agenda is the height of insanity... or fanaticism. What you neocon flat earthers don''t understand is that you''ve put us through 7 years of hell and we''ve had enough... it sucks the hairy moose meat and it''s time for Plan B... and you bozo''s are NOT part of the new equation. You failed. You lost. You f**ked up our country! You''re history. Get used to it. Losers...

[nothappyatall]

I wouldn''t be surprised if on the day of the event, Obama announcs Hilary is his running mate Vice President, why else be concerned about HER campaign debts and helping her get them paid off???

While everyone speculates they are laughing to themselves, Hilary was chosen all along as VP once she dropped out of the Presidential race, and THAT is why Obama has been trying to get her debt paid off.
She would be the only one that makes sense and comes with a large number of delegates and votes.

[suzyku]

Jonah Goldberg, I always read your columns when I need a good laugh and some good fiction! You''re just another right wing putz!

[kazoodan]

The Hillary hates Obama crapola furthers the conservative agenda of showing that Dems are less unified than they actually are. It is a myth perpetrated and propagated by the right-wing-nut-jobs and solidified by Rush Mushmouth and his Operation Chaos.

Oh yeah, what''s McNovacaine up to these days? Must be taking another nap.

[veteran188]

the nightmare is what four more years of McBush would be like

[Netterz]

The entire Gov''t has been in self destruct mode for many years now. If you take a hard look, you can see that party lines disappeared years ago, because these few select or elected people are not fighting for whats best for America, they are fighting to keep there political seats, to remain safe from the ruins they have made of this once great country. They are in place to UPHOLD and Interpret the Constitution, not change it every time some stupid law suit comes along over some one who is ''offended'' by what this country was built on. They have weasled in there own retirements, while they gave away ours, Social Security. They have weasled there own perfect health care plans, while almost half of Americans dont have ANY. They have shipped all of there own interests over seas, so when America sinks from there crappy service, they remain safe. Welcome to our world of political people.

[tbweb]

`Nightmare On Dem Street` Agreed!!

Once again the Democratic Party is in self destruct mode! Sen. Obama`s lead over Sen. McCain is now down to only 3% nationwide when the lead should easily be in double digits. Even if the Democratic Convention has to fake it, the `focus` should be completely on the Democratic Platform and Sen. Obama `only`, not on Sen. Clinton`s losing campaign and $25 million she racked in campaign debts trying to defeat Sen. Obama. Sen. Clinton ran a historic campaign and all Americans, not just women should be proud of her and recognize her efforts but the upcoming Democratic Convention is not the time or place! Sen. Obama needs a boost from the Democratic Convention and the `focus of attention` needs to be squarely on Sen. Obama `only`. The Democrats in diverting attention to Sen. Clinton are taking their eyes off the ball and the prize and Republicans see an opening and are pouring money into Sen. McCain`s campaign and will try and steal an election Republicans should easily lose! Die hard Clinton supporters are sore losers and need to get over it and move on!

[deaver6]

What a bunch of baloney. Only the most diehard of Obama supporters could be this "article."

[magnetrack]

Just goes to shoe how weak Obama is--he can''t even keep the Clintons from taking over the convention. The GOP will then come in for the slaughter...

[efarris38]

I think Bill and Hillary Clinton will always have a presence in the modern day Democratic Party. They have served thecountry in several capacities. Senator Clinton I think would be the "shoe in" in 2012 if Obama tanks this time. People will be saying I told you so many times over. Let''s unite and give Obama a chance, but if he fails then no one can say well we didn''t give the black man his chance. I think ideally a woman or a black man would serve well.

[veteran188]

We all pray that the christians of the right wing Nazi party, as exemplified renojmc, will become

HUMAN BEING''s

some day,

these mindless lemmings that brought us GW Bush and the needless War in Iraq,

In the meantime the only choice for america is Obama,

the real nightmare on the street called America would

be four more years of McBushCain