Study Points To Perils Of Teen Dating

Violence In Relationships Observed By Many Tweens And Teens, Study Finds

(CBS)  Most mothers and fathers are understandably concerned about whom their kids are dating - and here's a new reason: A survey of 11- to 14-year-olds finds more than six out of 10 know someone who's been verbally abused by a girlfriend or boyfriend. And one in five 13- and 14-year olds knows someone who's been in a physically abusive relationship. CBS News correspondent Kelly Wallace has more about this disturbing study.

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April Hightshoe believes she almost lost her 16-year-old daughter Sami to Sami’s abusive boyfriend.

“I really truly believe everything that he was doing to her, that she wouldn't be here today," Hightshoe said. "It's awful, it's the worse guilt any parent could ever have, not protecting your children.”

What started with a date to the homecoming dance at age 14 quickly turned into a relationship filled with physical and sexual abuse.

It’s still tough for Sami to talk about.

“What would he threaten?” Wallace asked.

“That if I don't take him back, he'll hurt my parents or hurt my family or my friends or me. I felt like my life was in jeopardy,” Sami said.

A troubling new report finds Sami’s story is not uncommon.

Dating is starting earlier, and often with serious consequences. More than one-in-three 11- to 12-year-olds say they have had a boyfriend or girlfriend. And nearly seven in 10 teens who had sex by the age of 14 say they have been abused in a relationship.

“I think if we're seeing these tweens having relationship violence exposure early on in adolescence, it's pretty likely to carry forward. If you look at the cycle of violence, that's what happens,” said Christine Forke of the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia.

A group of five teens ages 10 to 14 that Wallace spoke to say parents and teachers need to wake up.

“It's a very difficult to talk about and some teachers just don't want to go there,” 11-year-old student Kehinde Dosunmu said.

Warning signs of an abusive teen relationship include a change in personality - such as nervousness around the boyfriend or girlfriend - and controlling behavior, including frequent phone calls and domination of free time.

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Read more about the high states of teen dating at Couric & Co. blog.

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“You need to be aware of what they are looking at on the Internet, who they're texting, and how involved they are with their boyfriend, girlfriend at that age,” Hightshoe said. “You can potentially save their life if you were more involved.”

Sami got a restraining order against her former boyfriend, but didn’t press charges.

The National Association of Attorneys General is now calling on every state to teach teen dating violence in their schools - to help students like Sami.

[roach9703]

Teens need to understand one reality, if they avoid sexual activity, they will avoid abuse ( period ).

[mrbrill]

Spoken like a person who doesn''t have a clue...

[whimsy52]

A friend''s boyfriend beat her in front of me. I tried to stop it but forced into a car and taken to her house where he beat her in front of her parents who still allowed it to continue. My father tried to stop it but the parents said she must have deserved it. Yeah, we went out for a walk without the boyfriend''s permission.
That was in 1969.They are married and she is not allowed to see me because my husband doesn''t keep me in line.
Abuse has more to do with power than ***..

[closethippy1]

Gosh, I feel so bad for women. They''ll get a beating either way, if they''re dating the guy or not.
If you don''t know how to deal with stressful situations except for hitting someone then you cannot call yourself a man.
Don''t even call yourself human. All you''re is a spoiled brat acting like a hungry animal.

[keithle1]

"S e x by the age of 14"? I know it happens but I still can''t get used to it. And of course you don''t want the girls getting pregnant.

What''s the rush? Can''t say the boy really loves the girl. Where are the parents? You really want your 11- to 12-year-old daughter to have a boyfriend?

What''s more important? The "verbal abuse" or the fact that the girls are having s e x at such a young age?

I don''t envy parents today.

[tweety_223]

Not all teens that are abused are sexually active. My daughter who was 12/13 at the time had a boy that was 17/18 that was fixated on her. She let him know up front that she wasn''t interested in him and all that did was make things worse. He began threatening her, her family, her friends, etc. He would leave threatening messages on her phone, email, etc. He would show up anywhere she was. It didn''t matter that he was told by us and her brothers to stay away from her and have no contact whatsoever. Eventually, he ended up raping her, then threatened her if she told he would hurt her family. She finally did tell and we were told that there wasn''t anything the law could do about it unless he confessed. When we tried to get a restraining order against him, we were told we couldn''t because they weren''t in a "relationship".

So as you can see, the problem isn''t necessarily the type of relationship they have, it is that the law is on the abusers side.

[kennedy7955]

I wonder if this is really news. Abuse has been going on with teenagers and younger even before they are dating. Kids in school are threatening each other, playing head games and causing misery all the time. Our schools are performing badly and it is no wonder.

Schools are reacting to these problems worse than ever, telling teachers to handle behavior problems on their own. To get a kid suspended from school takes a lot. Parents threaten teachers and school systems with lawsuits for frivolous reasons and the system caves in.

I know of one situation where a substitute teacher covering for a teacher on extended leave was threatened by a student. When that teacher reported the problem, the main office accused the teacher of being unable to handle the situation-nothing was done.

There needs to be a zero tolerance policy for violence and threats of violence. Teachers and admin staff need to be empowered to remove these students. Laws need to change to reduce the legal options for parents to sue schools. Those who are chronic problems need to be permanently removed from the schools.

Lastly, the schools in NJ are legally obligated to teach students regardless of behavior and other issues. This is nonsense. Public education should be a privilege which can be revoked with good cause.

Th teacher unions are much to blame. They should be a the forefront of these reforms. All their contracts ever talk about is money.

[barbaram99]

Keithle, good post,I am older and really its the break down of the family. Parents. Working. Too busy for their kids. Let not forget there is abuse in the home. Foster homes are bad. I am appalled. Where are their care takers. The children dating. I never dated when a minor. I was not allowed to dress as my friends. Foster Mom said *Barbara I don''t care what the giels are doing ,ye not*. Case closed. In high school it was the mini skirt. I never wanted it as foster mother had a dress code we abided by it. A teacher shorten one of my skirts,the next DAY I wore pants to send the message. Boys were out of the ?.

[toolmangler-2009]

That was in 1969.They are married and she is not allowed to see me because my husband doesn''''t keep me in line.
Abuse has more to do with power than ***..

Posted by whimsy52 at 02:09 AM : Jul 09, 2008



Honest question, Is the boy/man froma Muslim family?