July 8, 2008
"Horrors" Found In Tween, Teen Dating
Survey Uncovers Significant Levels Of Physical, Verbal Abuse; Sex At Young Ages; Many Parents In The Dark
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More Teen Daters In Danger
A new study finds that kids are dating at a younger age and a disturbing number of those relationships are abusive. Tracy Smith reports.
Among the findings:
In addition, significant numbers of teens (15-18) are experiencing emotional and mental abuse as well as violence when dating; it's even more prevalent among teens who've had sex by 14.
And many teens and tweens say they've been victims of technological abuse, in which cell phones, paging, IMs, social networking sites, etc. were used to carry out the abuse.
The survey, which was commissioned by Liz Claiborne Inc. and loveisrespect.org, was conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited. Loveisrespect.org operates the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline.
"We were surprised at how many tweens or kids ages 11 and 12 are dealing with these issues," Liz Claiborne Vice President Jane Randel told Early Show national correspondent Tracy Smith.
What's behind it all? Researchers believe early sexual activity tends to fuel dating violence among teens and tweens, Smith reports.
And Randel points out that, "Parents, while they think they know what their teens or, more importantly, tweens relationships are, they're really not fully aware of what's going on. And that's scary."
Experts say programs are needed to help parents and their kids recognize unhealthy relationships, and to stop them before they start.
Concerned by the trend toward abusive tween and teen dating, the National Association of Attorneys General passed a resolution urging states to establish educational programs on teen dating violence and abuse.
The move was spearheaded by Patrick Lynch, Rhode Island's attorney general, who told co-anchor Russ Mitchell on The Early Show Tuesday that the numbers in the survey are "absolutely alarming."
He said young people need to be made aware of "these horrors" so the "violence not only doesn't occur at that level, but isn't perpetuated in generations to come."
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See all 67 CommentsAt 11 and 12, my daughter and her friends were playing with American Girl dolls and playing Nancy Drew video games. She''s 14 now and just starting to think about dating. Plus we have a 2-year rule. Until she is 18, she cannot date anyone who is more than 2 years older than her. She knows I will do everything in my power to have anyone over 18 arrested and make the life of any 17 year old a misery if they thought of dating her.
I know a lot of parents are into "free-range parenting," but you can also have a huge impact on the friends of your children. My daughter talked a girlfriend out of dating a guy last year who wanted her to go further than she was comfortable. I''m always an open ear for the girls around my daughter too.
The only "horror" I found here is the article itself, generated by a company and website that has a vested stake in promoting horror stories for money.
These are the same kind of "parents" who can''t understand why American prisons are bulging at the seams.
This reminds me of a country song by David Allen Coe -
"I TURNED TWENTY-ONE IN PRISON DOING LIFE WITHOUT PAROLE . . . . ."
Millions of kids will go down this sorry path, and the only ones to blame are the idiots who should have used birth control. Kids going wild are the result of idiots breeding without a brain, which should be illegal. I mean, you need a license, training, certification, etc to do EVERYTHING ELSE in this society. It''s high time we did something to prevent the birth of throw-away kids.
I remember once my younger sister mouthed off to my mom in the grocery store and my mom popped her a good one on the behind (embarrassed her)...people were looking at my mom and my mom said, "if you think you can raise her better, take her home with you." Noone said anymore. It was classic!
I do think children need more discipline and not get "free reign" but kids figure out really quick how to get what they want (esp in public). I don''t think any kids should EVER date (boy or girl) before they are 16.
As for boys, they learn how to treat women by watching how their fathers treat their mothers. Of course, 50% of households don''t even have a father so how''s a young man supposed to have a role model these days?
When the family is broken, it affects other parts of society...we need to do a better job of teaching men/boys to take responsibility for their children and be a good role model. Girls need their daddies too. Studies have shown how important a male role model is in a family.
we live in a society of unaccountability and the problem isn''t just bad parenting, it is non-parenting and there are just as many, and possibly more, parents out there with the same drug and alcohol problems as their children.
so, anything that raises awareness and that can, hopefully, prevent tragedy is most definitely news.
the kid that killed my daughter turned the gun on himself and killed himself, too.
so, the kids father has wake up every morning (if he can sleep at night) knowing his son killed a young lady who was as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside with a gun he bought for him. the father and mother also have to know the little b*stard is burning in hell and will for eternity. that''s a long time.
Standing up for oneself is not necessarily disrespectful, but the two are often confused. People need to stand up for themselves, and they need to treat others with respect.
what happened with my daughter, as we found out after she was murdered, is that the kid who killed her had threatened to kill her family ...her mother, her father, her grandmother, if she left him. so, because she was naive and inexperienced, she didn''t tell us ( her parents ) and then she became afraid of him and he started hitting her and she did break up with him after he became physically violent. she did tell her friends and they didn''t tell us, either. so, if there are any kids out there reading this and you have a friend who is being abused, whether verbally, emotionally, or physically, tell someone...anyone. it could save your friends life.
Parents may need to pay more attention to what their kids are doing, whether from a single parent home or not, listen to the music they are surrounded with. Rap music is very prevalent and most of it is about beating a girl or treating them like wasted garbage...these artists are idolized by some teens so they want to be like them!
And if your 11 year old is dating, there is a big problem!! If you don''t think your young child will do anything bad or that they dont know certain things, think again. I have seen several pregnant 11 year olds and they know more than you think. Its very sad to see it. But trust me it has happened.
Also kids SOMETIMES, more often than not, are refelctions of their parents...if you do something around them, expect them to do it too
Posted by Element51 at 12:21 PM : Jul 08, 2008
Unfortunatly, Parents these days don''t PARENT. That is the problem. They wanna be their kids best friend, and be the cool mom and dad and all this psycho bable bull.
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Posted by lilpeach8 at 12:39 PM : Jul 08, 2008
Good point!
But one thing folks may be missing is that having a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" at 12, 13, etc. does not necessarily mean dating. I had a "boyfriend" at that age--it meant that he carried my books, we held hands if no adults were around, and I could look forward to candy on Valentine''s Day. Merely having a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" isn''t the problem--it''s what they are allowed to do with them that is.
I am so sorry for your loss--your grief must be well-nigh unbearable. R.I.P. weeza3''s daughter.
Personally, I don''''t think 11, 12, 13, 14 year olds should be dating. The parents need to wake up and take control of their children and teach them how to respect others and to stay away from those that do not respect them." Posted by BSueHughes at 10:30 AM : Jul 08, 2008
I agree.
My kids are grown now, but this was the problem I had to deal with. A lot of my kid''s friends had their own TV, phone, computer, etc. When this happens, you have lost "control" of your kid. Some people may not like that word, but too bad. You have no idea what they are watching or who they are talking to.
My kids were always telling me that their friends could go to the mall by themselves. Yeah, and all those friends were always in trouble. That is because they would become bored at the mall and would leave and go other places. If you give kids enough rope, they will hang themselves.
A new term that should be used often, because it is reflected in the way modern "parents" treat their offspring.
It starts with the notion that having children will propel a couple into the next level of social status... especially among their friends who may already have children. But no, having just one isn''t good enough anymore, no, you have to have two or three! The "keeping up with the Joneses" isn''t complete until a couple can fill all their seats of their gas-guzzling SUV!
Second, beyond the social status, having children (for way too many couples these days), is also a way to brag to the world that your reproductive organs are working... some needing assistance... but working to some extent.
So it is a combination of increased social status, and advertising of one''s ability to reproduce... and there is the recipe for...
...TROPHY CHILDREN!
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Maybe, but I think of them as children being used as accessories.
A sure sign of "parents" with trophy children, (other than the fact that they have more than just one... when one was far more than the "parents" could already handle), is that these children are usually left...
...left on what these "parents" would consider, though not publicly admit, as autopilot. Almost like a household pet, these trophy children are merely fed, clothed, and sheltered, and chauffeured to and fro.
Trophy children mainly suffer from passive parenting. Which is quite the opposite from many posters on this board who sound as if they are clearly pro-active parents. Reading some of the posts from those before me, here, is comforting to know that there are still some real parents left in this country/world!
Posted by barbaraf4 at 02:09 PM : Jul 08, 2008
..........
That is also an accurate observation.
"Accessories" is a good description. Certainly, what better way to "accessorize" an SUV than with child car seats... and children sitting in them!
when parents are supportive of their children, and offer encouragement, it builds self-esteem and increases the probability that they will become self-sufficient, productive members of society.
our children also have to be allowed to fail sometimes and know that it is o.k. this also builds self-esteem.
parents who treat their children disparagingly and with disdain and discourage them, and who are not supportive of them, will probably produce the sarcastic, bitter bullies with a propensity to cruelty and violence that are at the center of this discussion.
Be a parent to your child, not a friend. Your children have plenty of friends, they need parents!
I am always amazed at parents, usually single women, who let their 14 year old daughters have boyfriends spend the night and let their daughter go out with boys. 14 is not old enough. I wouldn''t let my daughter go out on a date until she is 17.
Bottom line...Be a parent, not a friend.
Posted by concorde5 at 02:42 PM : Jul 08, 2008
That''s good. Especially when they start driving.
A group of kids meet at the local skating rink on Friday nights. Because you meet a girl/boy there, does that mean you''re dating?
My 15 year old son is head over heels for a 14 year old girl. They go to the movies with other friends and they visit each other''s houses during the day time. She comes with us to dinner or to family gatherings.
They are never left alone. In the mind of concorde5, this is taboo. In my mind, as long as I''m supervising them, chaperoning them, etc. what''s wrong with this type of "dating" at 15?
We have diligently discussed birth control and the need for abstinance for a few more years. In my view, as long as I allow the two of them to spend time together with our approval and supervision, the less likely they will feel the need to be sneaky in whatever they do.
If that''s being my son''s "friend" instead of his "parent", then I disagree vehemently.
Sometimes women need a good slap, I''''d say 99% like it. Most like getting a spank during ***, same thing. They are so emotional, you just have to snap them out of their own little minds. They will love you for it later.
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Posted by darkmeat4 at 02:55 PM
wow so abuse is acceptable now?
Your children are 15 and 11 and you are only stressing the need to abstinent for a few more years?? What is wrong with you parents we have so many std''s, aids and all kids of other things that can happen to our children not to mention the pyschological aspect of entering into a sexual relationship. What ever happened to abstinence until you are married?? This is realistic if we teach it, so many parents have just said it''s easier to give them protection?
What I don''t agree with is when a parent lets a boyfriend spend the night with her daughter. Or a 14 year old girl is going out with a boy alone. Groups of kids going to the movies or skating rink when a parent is dropping them off and picking them up is fine.
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