Fat: The Key to Energy Independence

The Nation: Obese America Is Literally Sitting On Vast Energy Reserves. All We Need To Do Is Extract It

(The Nation)  This column was written by Barbara Ehrenreich.

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Everyone talks about our terrible dependency on oil -- foreign and otherwise -- but hardly anyone mentions what it is. Fossil fuel, all right, but whose fossils? Mostly tiny plants called diatoms, but quite possibly a few Barney-like creatures went into the mix, like Stegosaurus, Brontosaurus and other giant reptiles that shared the Jurassic period with all those diatoms. What we are burning in our cars and keeping our homes warm or cool with is, in other words, a highly processed version of corpse juice.

Think of this for a moment, if only out of respect for the dead. There you were, about 100 million years ago, maybe a contented little diatom or a great big brontosaurus stumbling around the edge of a tar pit -- a lord of the Earth. And what are you now? A sludge of long-chain carbon molecules that will be burned so that some mammalian biped can make a CVS run for Mountain Dew and chips.

It's an old human habit -- living off the roadkill of the planet. There's evidence, for example, that early humans were engaged in scavenging before they figured out how to hunt for themselves. They'd scan the sky for circling vultures, dash off to the kill site -- hoping that the leopard that did the actual hunting had sauntered off for a nap -- and gobble up what remained of the prey. It was risky, but it beat doing your own antelope tracking.

We continue our career as scavengers today, attracted not by vultures but by signs saying "Safeway" or "Giant." Inside these sites, we find bits of dead animals wrapped neatly in plastic. The killing has already been done for us -- usually by underpaid immigrant workers rather than leopards.

I say to my fellow humans: It's time to stop feeding off the dead and grow up! I don't know about food, but I have a plan for achieving fuel self-suffiency in less time than it takes to say "Arctic National Wildlife Refuge." The idea came to me from reports of the growing crime of French fry oil theft: certain desperate individuals are stealing restaurants' discarded cooking oil, which can then be used to fuel cars. So the idea is, Why not could skip the French fry phase and harvest high-energy hydrocarbons right from ourselves?

I'm talking about liposuction, of course, and it's a mystery to me why it hasn't occurred to any of those geniuses who are constantly opining about fuel prices on MSNBC. The average liposuction removes about half a gallon of liquid fat, which may not seem like much. But think of the vast reserves our nation is literally sitting on! Thirty percent of Americans are obese, or about 90 million individuals or 45 million gallons of easily available fat -- not from dead diatoms but from our very own bellies and butts.

This is the humane alternative to biofuels derived directly from erstwhile foodstuffs like corn. Biofuels, as you might have noticed, are exacerbating the global food crisis by turning edible plants into gasoline. But we could put humans back in the loop by first turning the corn into Doritos and hence into liposuctionable body fat. There would be a reason to live again, even a patriotic rationale for packing on the pounds.

True, liposuction is not risk-free, as the numerous doctors' websites on the subject inform us. And those of us who insist on driving gas-guzzlers may soon start depleting their personal fat reserves, much as heroin addicts run out of useable veins. But the gaunt, punctured look could become a fashion statement. Already, the combination of a tiny waist and a huge carbon footprint -- generated by one's Hummer and private jet--is considered a sign of great wealth.

And think what it would do for our nation's self-esteem. We may not lead the world in scientific innovation, educational achievement or low infant mortality, but we are the global champions of obesity. Go to www.nationmaster.com and you'll find America well ahead of the pack when it comes to personal body fat, while those renowned oil-producers Saudi Arabia, Venezuela and Iran aren't even among the top twenty-nine. All we need is a healthy dose of fat pride and for CVS to start marketing home liposuction kits. That run for Mountain Dew and chips could soon be an energy-neutral proposition.

[mswolfestock]

There are two ways that fatties can save gas - they can quit running to CVS for Doritos and Mountain Dew. Then when they lose the poundage once they give up the snacks, they''ll get better mileage in their vehicles ''cuz they''re hauling around much less weight.

I read somewhere that you will increase your mileage by at least 2% when you rid your car of excess weight. Anything over 100 pounds in your vehicle that does not need to be there, is causing you to burn too much fuel. So hey, all of you 300-pounders, you had better start losing weight because it''s the patriotic thing to do.

Also, if all of you fatties lost weight, you''d be able to fasten your seatbelts and injuries from vehicle accidents might be reduced.

Lastly, if all of you fatties lost weight, you''d save fuel ''cuz you wouldn''t have to go to the doctor nearly so often.

Then again, why in the (BLEEP)don''t y''all fatties lose some weight BECAUSE BEING SO FAT IS GROSS AND SICKENING.

[andor3]

very funny article... helps show the insanity of drilling anywhere there might be a scrap of energy, no matter how large the consequences and how tiny the benefits.

Yet, still morons seem to advocate drilling...

[questionnews]

Yea, but can I get $140 a barrel for it.

Saying something is "low" for The Nation to print is redundant at best. And how typical of CBS to open this bit of tripe to comment, yet when an article about how UPS has found a piece of the solution that works, no comments allowed. That is because UPS is a CAPITALIST, non-government entity, and we can''t have evil profiteers helping to solve problems. By god they saved 33 million gallons of gas in one year and we wouldn''t want to spark any discussion that might actually DO something. The only reason CBS even gave the story any mention is so they wouldn''t be left out. Let''s face the fact(s), like all liberals, the hyper-liberal media are all a bunch of poseurs. They don''t give a *** about anyone or anything, as long as they appear to do so. The bio-fuel scourge is only one example. I loved the story Sunday; "Denver Opens Solar Powered Airport". When you read the whole story though, it is "solar powered" at a rate of 2-4%!!! They didn''t mention the massive array''s cost, but I bet they could have fed tens of thousands of the poor with that waste of government funds. The list goes on and on...

[jlagat]

I get all of my information from wikipedia; god forbid that I get brains of my own.

And yes we should drill for oil now anywhere and everywhere we can find it; so we can have the same problem with oil supplies in 10 years instead of right now.

So called renewable green energy (basically solar) is in fact renewable; it just sin''''t sustainable; because we all know the sun is going to burn out in 6 billion years-- so that''s not an option.

Posted by Seafang at 04:01 PM : Jun 24, 2008

You, sir, fail at life.

[robbinslarry]

Finding new sources of fuel for the infernal combustion engine is not where our research dollars should go, but in finding better ways to store and produce electricity.
2 cars in every garage and a long Sunday drive for leisure will become things of the past very soon. Growing "bio fuel" while the human population overburdens the planet''s ability to feed it is way off the mark.

[dfresh713]

There simply is not enough biofuel to go around at all to make it mainstream. There are only certain type of greases are good enough to run. You cannot go to the back of McDonalds and load up on grease.. this stuff simply is junk. The only way to get off oil is to dig and get as much now.. and slowly ween off oil. Trust me.. in 60-80 years when there is no oil left we will have something better.

[oldanalyst]

Although the idea of using body fat for fuel is rather whimsical, the idea does hold some merit. If those who overate had not eaten too much, then the energy needed to produce the food for the fat would not be wasted (waisted?). If we trained ourselves to eat less of the food that requires high agricultural energy input, we could lessen our demand for energy. Given all the overweight people in our society, eating less will save a considerable amount of energy. Right now, we overeat and either get fat or spend a lot of time exercising simply for the purpose of losing weight. Exercising is great but should be used to maintain a healthy body.

We have done an excellent job of exporting our formula for gaining weight to other societies. Fast food frequently produces meals with twice the energy of traditional dishes and it does so by using meat which is gradually replacing the less energy demanding food sources traditionally used in many countries. This is happening in large societies such as in India and China. We have exported the formula for making energy demands greater through food use. The net effect is the same as having people drive SUVs instead of riding bikes or using small cars.

We have to realize that all of the energy uses -be they for food or for transportation- end up increasing demand for petroleum since this is currently our major source of energy for both transportation and food production.

[smurfcrusher]

This idea sucks. oop!

I believe The Onion had a piece on drilling wildlife. It included a picture of a bear in an oil rig with a bit in his belly.

As energy-packed as I am, sadly I''m only good for one or two day trips. ;)

[bluestardad]

k

[old300d]

McCain said we need to drill more in the U.S. to help relieve pressure on the world oil supply.

Alot of the biodiesel made in the U.S. is shipped to Europe and sold because they can get a better price for it.

The price of gas is set by the govt in China. Different countries have different setups but all in all it is not a free and fair market for the U.S. at all.

With the current setup all drilling off the coasts would do is send a message that maybe we are doing something about it.

[juwboy]

Seafang:

WRONG!!!

Steroid hydrocarbons, derived from biological material, were isolated from petroleum by BP chemists more than 40 years ago.

Why don''t you spend some time acquiring basic knowledge instead of wasting ours with your ignorant opinions?

[runningralph]

Liposuction! I like it! The taxpayers ought to subsidize it the same as ethanol and wind farms.

[hk94]

She must have been watching Fight Club when the stole the liposuction fat to make soap. Pretty sick. Even as a joke this is pretty low for The Nation to print. I would say shame on you but they abviously have no shame.

[Razzl]

What America''s extra fat does is precisely this: when the next natural disaster comes, say the Yellowstone volcano or perhaps a comet, and agriculture is wiped out for 3 years by a cloud of dust, a slightly larger percentage of humans will have a chance of surviving through it (though the less healthy obese may have a higher mortality rate) to keep the species going. Given the total denial we all live in about how probable these things will happen on earth as they have before, those spare tires may be our only margin of survival as a species at the moment...

[displeased]

And yes we should drill for oil now anywhere and everywhere we can find it; because there simply isn''''t going to be any magic bullet come along to replace it.
Posted by Seafang

There will have to be when oil runs out.

[rational_1]

This article on liposuction and burning human fat for fuel made me strangely hungry - I''m off to CVS for Mountain Dew and chips!

[seafang]

Utter hogwash,

There isn''t a biological molecule anywhere in an oil well.

Petroleum is just a rock like granite; it just happens to be a liquid rock based on the plentiful hyrocarbon components available in the earth''s crust; so stop calling it fossil fuel. A pet rock may be a fossil but oil isn''t. Now coal is a different story; since it contains mostly plant materials; so it is rich in carbon, and poor in hydrogen; so it is a lousy fuel; but we have plenty of it.

And yes we should drill for oil now anywhere and everywhere we can find it; because there simply isn''t going to be any magic bullet come along to replace it.

So called renewable green energy (basically solar) is in fact renewable; it just sin''t sustainable; because it doesn''t renew anywhere nearly fast enough to satisfy human usage. Just ask any Iowa corn farmer whose entire once a year ethanol crop is floating down the Missouri river caked in mud. Oh well come back next spring to fill your car with ethanol. What a scam.