"Manimony" A Rising Trend

As They Become The Breadwinners, More Women Than Ever Are Paying Alimony

(CBS)  As women out-earn their husbands in the workplace, many find they are footing the bill in divorce as well -- supporting their ex-spouses with alimony payments. Manimony is the new term for a growing trend.

When Jennifer Lopez and Cris Judd split after eight months of marriage, she paid him $14 million. Britney Spears picked up the tab for K-Fed's divorce attorney and then added another million for spousal support. Tom Arnold walked away from his marriage to Roseanne Barr with a cool $50 million.

"When the women are the breadwinners and have the bigger bank accounts, they can expect in an unhappy divorce for the husband to go straight for the checkbook," says Jeanne Wolf, West Coast editor of Parade magazine.

It's not just Hollywood wives who are paying alimony, or, manimony as it is being called. Women are now the top earners in a third of all marriages.

Throughout her six-year marriage, Alexis Martin Neely was the breadwinner.

"He was going to stay home with the kids and I was going to go out and earn a living," she said.

But when the Neely's once-happy marriage turned into an angry divorce, this mother of two agreed to pay her ex-husband $4,000 a month.

"I do feel like I gave him more than I needed to, and I should mention that he feels like he's not getting enough," she said with a laugh.

"We'd like to think we could have a female president, but when it comes to a man who might be receiving spousal support from his ex-wife, then we tend to look at him as if he's a deadbeat or he's lazy," says Dr. David Swanson, a family psychologist.

Divorce was a battleground in the movie "The War of the Roses." Some say the reality is not far off the mark, no matter which spouse is writing the checks.

"A woman wants to achieve and yet she might have a husband who wants to lay on the couch and watch Oprah all day," says Swanson. "In that situation, you can understand why that woman might spit on the check every month when she sends it out."

Divorce attorney Tina Schuchman says it's all part of equal rights.

"We asked for it, we got it. So we have to pay it," she says. "But men are asking and men are getting.

Neely agrees manimony is a fair trade-off, because her ex is the perfect stay-at-home dad.

She says, "I can stay stuck in this place of railing, 'Why, why, why did I do this?' Or I can say, 'this is the situation: he doesn't work. I want him to be able to spend time with the kids.' I have the capacity to make money, and I can make more money if I just accept, forgive and move on."

Divorce attorney Paul Talbert discussed the trend with The Early Show's Julie Chen, and says you'll find this trend happening more often in cases where the woman makes more money.

"There's no such thing as marital compensation, so it's usually just to allow one of the spouses to enjoy the standard of living that they did for some period of time after the marriage is over."

Honestly, who is more bitter about having to write alimony checks? Talbert says women are definitely more upset about paying it.

"Men, I think, at this point know that they may be in for paying alimony," he says. "For women, on the other hand, it's a great shock a lot of the time. These [women] are the big earners in the family and are already paying out when they divide the marital property. If we are going to treat the sexes equally in divorce, that is going to happen.

Talbert says kids also make a difference when the husband stays home. He says it gives them a better claim for alimony, because they can say they sacrificed their career for their wife's career.

[DocD--2008]

%u201CI find the word "manimony" disgusting and demeaning.%u201D
Posted by sonoma131


Here here I agree 100% as another father who raised his 3 kids alone, and an ex that never paid one penny of support. CBS this is disgusting and once again you have proven you cannot report the news in an unbiased fashion, time you go back to journalism school to learn how to do it right.

[bgjff]

So they want equal rights, but can''t handle the equal lefts...and uppercuts...and jabs?

[sonoma131]

As a single father who has raised two kids for fifteen years, I find the word "manimony" disgusting and demeaning. From now on I feel CBS should be using equally degrading terms for women who receive alimony. Maybe it''s ok to demean people when you work for CBS. Let''s keep in mind there are tens of thousands of men who''ve done the right thing and raised their kids when the women who bore them left. My former wife was an alchoholic, a drug abuser and a woman that enjoyed the fast lane more than being a mother and a wife. She left to further her career without being "held back" by a husband and kids. Certainly the grist for CBS News to call my life less than valuable.
It is unfortunate CBS is so prejudiced against men who have done the right thing and stood by their children, much to the detriment of their own lives and careers. We spend so much time talking about single mothers and zero time talking about single fathers.
Men or women that are the primary breadwinners should be responsible for paying what the courts say is fair and it shouldn''t matter that the recipients are male or female. It only matters to CBS News.
For those who care, the Executive Producer responsible for this disgusting story is named Zev Shalev. The reporter, Julie Chen, should also be held accountable
Shame on Sean McManus, shame on Zev Shalev and shame on Julie Chen. Get a life and pick on someone your own size, very small.
Write them a note and let them know they are less than fair-minded.

[faith_in_w]

julesbg81, 50/50 across the board and its "your house". Sheesh!

It''s good to be the King.

[julesbg81]

I notice the article doesn''t address when both parties are capable of earning a living and have demonstrated that by working full-time over the years. My ex-husband insisted he was entitled to 1/2 my 401k when we split. It wasn''t a ton of money but it was a lot to me. He had the same opportunity to save and further his career as I did, yet he chose to squander it. Although he did spend a little time w/ our kids while he was in-between jobs, there was never any agreement that that he would be the full-time parent and I would be the breadwinner. It was supposed to be 50/50 across the board. In the end I paid him just to get him out of my house finally. And now he pays me every week for child support. I assure you he did not draw the long straw in this deal!

[dogsoul]

Exactly... careful what you wish for ladies...

What''s really unfortunate is NOW that women are starting to realize that, in most cases, worklife is not all it was cracked up to be - many have some kind of epiphany of priorities & want a ''do over'' where they can just switch gears and be a stay at home mom...

not so fast... the economics have changed - sure, some fortunate folks can raise a family on a single income - but with the cost of property & life in general adjusting for dual income homes for so many years - most families now NEED two incomes to make it out there... It''s simple really, a guy making 75k per year has a tough time outbiding a couple making 150k per year combined income for goods & services because prices adjust to a landscape of wealthier dual income families. The guy basically NEEDS to either pull down 150k alone - or opt for A comparatively meager existence - or wife needs to work...

As for alimony - just another case of women feeling entitled to yet another double standard... most would scoff at a stay at home dad, a heterosexual male nurse or secretary or designer - and be aghast at having to pay the MAN alimony - the list goes on...

Women do not now, nor have they EVER wanted equality - they want whatever they can get - always have - always will....

well comgratulations ladies - look how far you''ve come....

[louklou51]

Oh boo hoo hoo! Women wanted equal rights, guess what, you made your bed, you sleep in it. In a lot of states child support is based on both parents incomes. Think about it.

[haoli25]

If a woman had to pay me ''manimony'', I would feel so
CHEAP. It would probably take me many years of accepting her ''manimony'' payments before I could again feel good about myself. lol

[gkc99]

fair enough!

[rational_1]

Keep at it feminists, you''re making real progress. You''re now paying manimony, have less time and energy to spend with your kids and it''s only a matter of time until you''ll be humping 70 pound packs while carrying M-16s on the front lines. Ain''t equality grand?

[faith_in_w]

Modern feminist women are such crybabies.

[mmstar20]

well, women wanted equality, so there you go.