Study: Moms, Tots Argue 20 Times An Hour

(WebMD)  Mothers and their toddlers argue 20-25 times per hour on average, a new study shows.

Sixty moms and their children took part. The moms and kids were studied twice: when the children were 30 months old and again six months later.

First, the moms took their 30-month-old children to the researchers' lab. The researchers videotaped each pair during playtime (with the moms enforcing rules about toys), while the moms read to and talked with their children, and as the kids worked on puzzles that were too hard for their age.

In short, the researchers loaded the lab session with fodder for parent-child conflicts. The kids couldn't get certain toys they wanted, and the puzzle task was designed to be frustrating. All in all, there were plenty of opportunities for meltdowns all around.

When the kids were 36 months old, their moms tape-recorded their interactions with that child just before and during dinner time. The point was to get an idea of how the moms and toddlers interact in their home, not in an unfamiliar lab.

"Mothers and toddlers were arguing on average between 20-25 times an hour at both assessment periods," write Lehigh University's Deborah Laible, PhD, and colleagues.

That average is based on a wide range of hourly quarrels, from a low of four conflicts per hour to a high of 55 arguments per hour. Remember, the moms and kids were only studied during times when conflict was likely; they probably didn't clash like that around the clock.

Those conflicts were more likely to get resolved without major drama if the kids had a good relationship with their mother and weren't especially temperamental, active, or impulsive, according to surveys completed by the
moms.

Those factors didn't affect the frequency of the mother-child conflicts. Such conflicts are normal and frequent during the toddler and early preschool years, Laible's team writes.

Their study appears in the March/April 2008 issue of Child Development.


By Miranda Hitti
Reviewed by Louise Chang
©2008 WebMD, Inc. All rights reserved

[cfin5]

I remember when I was young, 5 years old maybe, that I was allowed to voice my thoughts in things I didn''t understand and didn''t get in trouble as long as my attitude was good. Worked good for my kids too. It teaches them respect for the rule-makers (my wife and I) that then makes the authorities job later more peaceful. Gotta think before you make a rule so you don''t have to back down when the child is right. Respect from a child to the parent is earned by treating the child respectfully with the proper amount of discipline needed. Too much discipline and the child will rebel faster when they see that they can do nothing right in the eyes of the parent. Too little discipline and they start to roam around like a bunch of wild heathens raising all kinds of hell. So to me, child abuse resides in too much and too little discipline. The little "fence checkers" will do just that 24/7 checking to see where your rules have a weak spot. Believe me, they WILL FIND IT! But some parents I''ve seen start smacking a kid around just because they asked a question,.....not cool! Yet ALL of these things I''ve said here are absolutely WORTHLESS in success if you don''t LOVE your child. When they discover that you don''t love them,.....your advise in things are "no count" to them from then on.

[quetzal0666]

Mothers and their toddlers argue 20-25 times per hour on average......

what no use of a Belt?
that would have cut the argument down to Zero...

LOL...

[gaye5]

I would never allow them to argue, discuss yes but not argue.. when I said no it was NO..
Now I have homeschools two of my grandchildren when they couldnt go to school for 3 years, and have looked after most of them while the parents worked 3 days a week, at one stage I was teaching two and had two babies to look after all at the same time and I loved it all.. love, cuddles, laughter, being consistant, and having your word being your word gets you a long way..No parent should argue with a child, the child is a child.. in having said that a parent must listen to the child in case it is something that needs attending to, but dont argue.. it is do it or else..

[gaye5]

vmcneal2, you are so right, I did smack my children and they never came back for a second helping either.. I believed in jolly hard smacks, and sometimes 6 of the best. If the child was still arguing then they wernt smacked hard enough, thus today I probably would be had up for child abuse, but I could take my children anywere. They were also very much loved cuddled played with and told that they were loved, strange but strange they havent turned out to be rotten, nor did they turn into criminals as Psycologist tell University students that they will if you smack them, in fact they are all our friends, they continually come over with their families, pop in for tea or have us over, they even live with us when they sell a house or what ever sometimes for 9 months at a time, and one is a policeman, another a senior project manager of a high rise building firm, another works in the police, and another has her own business, yep they sure were hurt with all those smacks.. When they grizzled over nothing, I used to ask them if they wanted something to grizzle about, strange but they always said no.. Of course I didnt stand for any nonsence, my word was my word and I was consistent.. but lots of love, fun, cuddles, and a sense of humor along the way.. and most of all be fair.. very fair...and always listen to them..

[vmcneal2]

You don''t argue with tots. You put the fear of God in them at an early age and then tell what to do.. period. I know this is old school but it works. I was a strict parent but I never had to spank my kids. My voice was enough to scare the living Cr*p out them.

[oleander8]

Useless, useless, useless.