Why Powerful Men Cheat

Experts Explore What Drives Men In Positions Of Power To Do Dumb Things

(CBS/AP)  It's the simplest question in the world, but it was the one repeated over and over Monday after the staggering news broke about Gov. Eliot Spitzer: What in heaven's name was the man thinking?

Yet if the New York governor is proven to have been involved in a prostitution ring, it would hardly be the first time a powerful, brilliant person in public life has done something dizzyingly self-destructive -- and he'd hardly be the first public figure caught up in a sex scandal.

Why do otherwise smart, successful people do such risky things?

On The Early Show Tuesday, Dr. Sari Locker, a sex educator and psyhcologist, said, "First of all, they want sex from someone other than their wife. They want what they're not getting at home. Often, it's very specific types of sex that they want. But, it's also (that) they think they can get away with it. There's no emotional connection. In this case, I think that Gov. Spitzer thought he was buying privacy, and we know that, in this day and age, you can't buy any type of privacy."

Sally Quinn, Washington Post reporter and capital insider, told co-anchor Maggie Rodriguez, "They do it exactly because they can get away with it. And there is a certain arrogance that comes with power.

" ... This is so loaded, on so many different levels. I mean, there's the sort of moral issue that these people will claim to be moral, so that you've got the hypocrisy issue.

"And then there's the idea of the women. In (most of these) cases, you see the wife standing by her husband, no matter whether it's hillary clinton or (whomever). ... The wife is always standing there while the husband is apologizing. I look at those women, and I think they might as well be ... Taliban women with scarves over their heads standing there, because not once has any woman ever said, 'This is not acceptable.' And the message that's coming across, because these women stand by the men and because they accept it, the message comes across to young women and young men as, 'Well, no matter whether you lie or cheat or humiliate your wife, it's OK. You can grow up to be president. You can grow up to be senator or governor, and it's OK."

Locker agreed, saying, "As a New Yorker, I'm appalled. As a woman, though, I want to see his wife also say that she's appalled. I think it's time for women to really stop letting this happen."

For psychologists and political analysts who found themselves dissecting the Spitzer story, it was a question of the chicken or the egg: In such situations, does the risky behavior precede the powerful job? Or does something about being in power cause the behavior?

Many speculated that it was a combination of the two. "We're all human," said Leon Hoffman, a psychoanalyst in New York. "These urges are so, so common. Whether it's a prostitute or a mistress that one chooses, that's another question."

And yet, Hoffman said, there may be something about the aura of power surrounding a prominent politician that makes him feel potentially immune from consequences.

"There's the psychology of the exception," said Hoffman, former chairman of the American Psychoanalytic Association's public information committee. "People in power sometimes feel they can do things that us, mere mortals, are forbidden to do. There's a sense, as with adolescents, that 'I won't get caught."'

Political analyst Steven Cohen was wary of trying to draw any conclusions about the corrupting influence of power.

"The problem is we don't know when this behavior started for this person," said Cohen, a professor of public administration at Columbia University. "Politicians are like the rest of us. The fact that they're flawed and do stupid things shouldn't surprise us."

The real question, Cohen said, is whether Spitzer should be held to a different ethical standard. And his answer is yes.

"This isn't Britney Spears we're talking about. This is the governor," Cohen said. "The bottom line is, he controls the National Guard and the state police. He could have people come to arrest you and me tomorrow. So his private behavior does become a public issue."

One psychologist who has studied and worked with politicians and their families thinks there is indeed something different about people who reach positions of such prominence.

"In order to be in such a high-profile position, you have to believe that what you are doing is innately right," said Renana Brooks, of Washington, D.C. "Anything that isn't right, you may blot out. You can't be tortured by guilt or indifference. It's just virtually impossible to function at this high a level without limiting the amount of introspection you can do."

Spitzer, who has not been charged and has not resigned, was caught on a federal wiretap arranging to meet with a prostitute, according to a law enforcement official who spoke to The Associated Press on condition of anonymity because the investigation is still going on.

The governor, identified in court papers only as "Client 9," met with the woman the day before Valentine's Day, the official said. According to the complaint he paid $4,300 in cash for that and future trysts, and when discussing payments told an agent: "Yup, same as in the past, no question about it."

One longtime analyst of New York politics finds it hard to look at Spitzer's predicament without thinking of politicians such as President Clinton in the Monica Lewinsky scandal and New Jersey Gov. James E. McGreevey, who resigned after announcing he had an affair with a male staffer.

"These are really smart guys doing really stupid things - and doing really stupid things repeatedly," said Doug Muzzio, professor of public affairs at Baruch College. But the allegations about Spitzer, he said, were the most shocking, if only because there was no public hint of such behavior from the governor, who campaigned as a model of moral rectitude.

"Nobody I've spoken to ... had any inkling of this," Muzzio said. He said he was torn between believing Spitzer's situation could be a case of a deep-seated compulsion or one of simple hubris.

"It could be both - they're not mutually exclusive," Muzzio said. "Now that would be a really fatal cocktail. In any case, there's an element of recklessness and risk-taking that is just breathtaking."

Would Spitzer, who knows better than most anyone how law enforcement works, consider the consequences of getting caught? Analysts say people often don't consciously think about such risks, even highly intelligent people.

Chicago psychoanalyst Mark Smaller believes one can find useful parallels in the case of certain patients, from all walks of life, who exhibit a striking capacity to compartmentalize risky, unethical or even illegal behavior, a process known as the "splitting" of part of the personality.

"They can be otherwise completely law-abiding, sensible, reliable people," Smaller says. "Often the behavior in question is caused by intense anxiety, stress in the workplace or home, or feeling overwhelmed." And often, he says, the behavior can involve sex, drugs, or something like shoplifting.

"They compartmentalize to the extent that they don't feel any sense of shame or guilt," Smaller said. "Until," he adds, "they get caught."

[meghan19821]

I think the question is not why powerful men cheat, but in this particular case, why was Spitzer so reckless?
http://www.findingdulcinea.com/news/politics/March-April-08/Why-Was-Spitzer-So-Reckless.html

[ihavezinned]

%uFEFFFinally a news story that discusses a critical point about Hillary Clinton. The stand-by-your-cheating-man role model she portrayed to the country is a horrible example to women everywhere. In her case, it sends the message "I need this man to get me where I want to
be in my political career so I have to buck up and take the humiliation." Also, her message says
that it is okay to lie to protect your cheating husband and yourself from the political backlash of
his actions. Surely no one believes (as Hillary claimed at the time) that she didn''t know her husband had been engaging in sexual relationships outside of their marriage. If she did not know, then she is absolutely too stupid to be a senator, let alone be the president of our country. How can she expect credibility in the international political arena? This picture of the doting wife is sickening. The actions of Bill Clinton and all of these powerful cheating men IS appalling and it is time their wives stand up and say so! Do we really want to turn Bill Clinton loose in the Whitehouse again to prey on
interns? The Clintons are lying, cheating politicians. More of the same old Washington network.

[user168-2009]

"The person attempting to travel two roads at once will get nowhere."

"At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want."

"Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power."

"People in their handlings of affairs often fail when they are about to succeed. If one remains as careful at the end as he was at the beginning, there will be no failure."

"The power of intuitive understanding will protect you from harm until the end of your days."

"He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough."

[skelgas]

I don''t understand why no one mentions the obvious when a spouse cheats: He/She is endangering the health and possibly even the life of the partner.

Another subject discussed on the same episode was STD''s. Two sexual partners who do not already have an STD and are faithful will never have to worry.

When one partner cheats, they are bringing the possibility of STD and even AIDS into the relationship.

Using a prostitute increases this possibility and is illegal. In Spitzer''s case it was not a difficult "personal" issue.

[samthetvcat]

Anybody who''s contemptuous of the women who stand by their husband at these press conferences (like the woman in the article) I think is probably disassociating from the fear of being humiliated and vulnerable. But Lisa Bloom on CNN last night made a valid point about maybe needing to put the idea out there that women don''t have to do the press conference thing, and maybe the benefits are overrated.

After all the dust settled between her and Alan Dershowitz (lol - that was slightly horrific), I got to thinking that you know what the wives are in such shock they''re probably not in the position to be evaluating the merits of showing a unified front versus ''setting standards'' versus personal preference to avoid public scrutiny versus nipping public curiosity in the bud.

Conventional wisdom seems to be that it humanizes the cheater to remind the public that there''s a family who''s been affected as well, but maybe that same message can be sent by having the first lady issue a press release without having to do the press conference thing. Then again maybe people would be more vicious in the absense of the unified front which would be painful for the kids to see...who knows, but probably most women would prefer to not have to do the press conference I would guess - I know I wouldn''t want to do it unless I thought it would help my kids (in the hypothetical situation)...

[user168-2009]

First of all, people do harm-to-common-good out of three reasons: stupidity, selfishness, or both of the above.

"By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest."

I guess Spitzer, Bill, and Hillary are the third class, prefer to learn by %u201Cexperiencing%u201D the %u201Charm%u201D first. But wait, I don''t know about Spitzer (yet), Hillary and Bill I know learn by %u201Cexperiencing%u201D quite a bit of %u201Charm%u201D first.

It is not men in position of power to do dumb things; it is dumb people do dumb things. It is selfish people do harm-to-others things. It is dumb and selfish people do dumb and harmful-to-common-good things.

Look at Obama, the man with vision. He learns by reflection, which is the intelligent and honest way. His wisdom comes from his passion for long-term-common-good; his passion comes from his sincerity and faithfulness; and his profound vision of "live the change you want to see in the world" comes from his wisdom and his passion!

Hillary and Bill? Forget them. They''ll never learn. If they don''t believe in truth and being true, they are dead end streets. If Hillary believes in "false hopes" and "words are cheap", she is definitely a cheap dead end street.

[montanaman9]

httpwwwnews:

You are exactly correct, well-said!

[jjarden]

You don;t have to be Sigmund Freud to know that these Men...Spitzer...Clinton...Rudy G...Gavin Newsome...David Vitter...et. al. are NARCICISTS...Thta''s right...they suffer from a Mental Illness called "Narcicistic Personality Disorder," and they are UNFIT to LEAD people in a Public Office, but then again, ANYONE with the level of Ambition of these Individuals is UNFIT for Public Life anyway...Most people just don''t understand this Philosophical and Psychological Paradox.

[tomanyt]

Why Powerful Men Cheat...Powerful men cheat because non-powerful men cheat. Just like powerful women cheat because non-powerful women cheat.

[chipinque-2009]

25 years ago I uncovered a relationship between my husband and another woman. I richeously left him over it. He was powerful, financially. I have spent 25 years working from paycheck to paycheck to make ends meet. If I could have a "do over", I would have stayed and allowed myself an extravagant lifestyle and let him have his.

[countrywm219]

SHOCKED..........LINDA STASI WOULD RATHER TEACH HER DAUGHTER TO STAB THE MAN IN HIS CHEST WITH A KNIFE THAN TO TEACH HER DAUGHTERS TO FORGIVE. WOW WHAT A WORLD WE HAVE BECOME.
HEY LINDA I HOPE YOU NEVER MAKE A MISTAKE......

[aud54]

I am shocked and dismayed at this story and yet another male politician that thinks his behavior is above reproach. Eliot Spitzer is not sorry he did it - only sorry he got caught. In addition - watching your story on the Early Show with Erica Jong - who is an idiot by the way - about why women stand by their men - let me elaborate. A political wife stands by her man because she is exactly that - a political wife - her actions, attitudes and decisions for years have been ''governed'' by public perception and what needs to be done to insure her husband''s success. When this type of despicable behavior is unearthed and made pubic she will do what she has always done - put on the proper public facade. Erica Jong, during her interview segment, sounded like a pseudo-intellectual and perhaps she is - who was busy rationalizing inapproprate behavior - "He might be a *** addict - like gambling." Well then get yourself in line - get therapy and get back to the business of being a husband, father and then a governor of this great state. .

[armydog2]

Men and women cheat and each has their own reasons. Would I stand by a man who cheats on me, never. ihavezinned, I agree with you about Hillary, staying with bill in my opinion made her look weak.

[jack3213]

AS A MAN I AGREE WITH THIS STATEMENT:" I think it''s time for women to really stop letting this happen."
POWER OR NOT, THIS HAPPENS TO ALL KINDS OF PEOPLE, AND THE ONLY DIFFERANCE IS THOSE IN POWERFUL POSITIONS ARE PUBLICALLY SCRUTINIZED. A WOMAN WHO STANDS BY A MAN WHO CHEATS ON HER, ON ANY LEVEL, IS A DISGRACE TO WOMEN.

[hwy71so]

If they have to cheat, they''re not very powerful.

And, btw, the so-called weak mean cheat too.

[tomtomasters]

It''s an endemic protest that politicians who commit murder are not driven to impeachment, yet they impeach men for an affair as being worse than murder. How insane. Our priorities are so unfounded.

How do we know Spitzer was not himself trying to get more information on the call girl ring? The FBI is wiretapping him, and why not Bush? I wonder how many affairs Bush has had, that no one comes forward with?
Maybe his marriage is suffering somehow sexually, and he was seeking a way to reconcile his marriage troubles, such as divorce for a call girl he appreciates.

And why does no one in our political establishment come out against all the pornography on the internet. I fail to see what difference it makes. All politicians are as guilty. You embarrass people when in fact you embarrass yourself for the idiotic reporting of it. If S E X is so bad then it would not be on the internet, it would not be legal in Nevada, and there would be no playboy magazine or Hugh Heftner. The whole society is S E X, and they sell everything assoiciated with S E X from cars, to Victoria Secret underwear. I don''t blame Spitzer, I blame America and its hypocrisy. Impeach Bush and Cheney, and stop the Murderers before stopping loverboys.

[b-easy63]

FOR THEIR EMOTIONAL WELL-BEING. While some of my family members were outraged - as it "appeared" I was protecting my cheating husband by not throwing his things out on the lawn, etc - it wasn''''t about HIM - It''''s ABOUT THE CHILDREN!!!

Posted by Hope4101 at 09:24 PM : Mar 11, 2008


an interesting take on this. From the time I was 4, I knew my dad was a cheater. His mistresses often called our home to taunt my mother and since I was my dad''s favorite, she figured she could get back at him through me. She''d put me on the phone to hear what the other woman was saying..then at christmas time, when my other sisters got barbies, I would not get one and my mom would say, it was because my dad had spent the part of the money that should have been for me on his other family across town.

He was a serial cheater. My mom had issues obviously. As for me, I learned how to spot men with those tendencies and to steer clear but I make a point of never judging a woman who stays or one who goes--both choices are hard.

[b-easy63]

They cheat because they are horrrrrny and with many women attracted to power--they think they can and should be able to get away with it. It is pretty simple. If they did not cheat, they''d probably have to invade other countries, start wars and torture people like Bush and Cheney

[jt_lancer]

RE: "Time to clean house once and for all, vote EVERY INCUMBENT out of office till not one is left."

Here''s an even better idea - don''t legitimize their criminal behavior by voting for them.

If anyone is to blame, its the voters who put them there in the first place. THEY are the ones who have no right to complain.

[kansas1946]

I can''t believe his wife is standing up there with him. It that were my husband, I would be in the audience throwing rotten tomatoes! They cheat because they don''t have any moral center, and the only thing that stops them from doing bad is worrying about getting caught, not because they think it is wrong.