Sex Ed For Your Kids: One Talk Won't Do

Study: Parents Must Move Past Awkwardness, Repeatedly Talk To Kids About Sex Topics

(WebMD)  Ideally, that "facts of life" talk you have with your children should be a series of sex ed discussions that cover a range of topics, rather than one long talk, according to a new study.

"Because of discomfort with the topic, there is that hope that it can be taken care of with a single talk," says Steven C. Martino, PhD, study researcher and a behavioral scientist at Rand Corp. in Pittsburgh.

But his new study, published in the March issue of the journal Pediatrics, suggests that a continuous, repetitive, wide-ranging conversation with your kids about sex is the better approach.


Study: Beyond the "Big Talk"

"We know [already] that the more parents talk to their kids [about sex], the better off the kid is in terms of healthy beliefs," Martino says, citing previous research. Children whose parents talk often about sex education are more likely to delay sex until an older age and to take precautions when they do become sexually active, he says.

In the new study, Martino and his colleagues wanted to assess the independent influence of repeating topics and covering many topics on the teen's perceptions of their relationships and communication with their parents.

"What we were interested in is whether the extent to which having repeated discussions about sexual topics and also covering a wide variety of topics matter" in terms of how teens feel about their relationship with their parents and how easy it was or wasn't to talk to them about sex.

The researchers polled 312 teens in grades 6 through 10, and their parents. They responded to four surveys during the yearlong study, telling whether they had discussed each of 22 sex-related topics and how often they had. Teens rated their overall relationship with their parents, too, including their ability to communicate about sex and other topics.

Among the topics: the making of decisions about whether to have sex, consequences of getting pregnant or getting someone pregnant, selection of a birth control method , what it feels like to have sex, and protection offered by condoms.


Study Results: Repetition Key in Sex Ed

Repetition was good, the researchers found. "We found that kids whose sexual communication with their parents involved more repetition felt closer to their parents, better able to communicate with them in general and about sex in particular, and they perceived their discussions about sex happened more easily and with more openness in comparison to kids whose communication involved less repetition," Martino tells WebMD.

The greater the number of topics that were discussed, the more openness teens said they felt during these talks.

At the start of the study, the average number of topics that teens had discussed was seven of the 22.

"On average we found that parents and teens had 10 repeat discussions over the course of the year," Martino says. That is, they revisited a topic previously discussed that often. Regarding breadth of topics, the average number of new topics discussed during the study was reported as three, on
average.


Sex Ed: The Role of Repetition and "Breadth"

"We think that having these repeated discussions is so important because it helps kids to better understand the information," Martino says. "It helps them to get a clear sense of what their parents' values are, and it boosts parent and child feelings of comfort in talking about sex ."

Revisiting a topic allows children to ask clarifying questions, he says, and allows parents to talk about topics in a more age-appropriate way as a child matures. Some abstract topics become less so as the child gets older, he adds.


Second Opinion

The study reinforces what is seen anecdotally, says Vanessa Cullins, MD, MPH, MBA, vice president for medical affairs for Planned Parenthood of America, New York, who reiewed the study results for WebMD.

What is new about the study, she says, is the importance of the repetition and variety of topics.

The study, she says, "reinforces what Planned Parenthood has always believed in, and that is that parents should be the primary educators in a child's life, and that the best way to keep teens healthy and safe is to have open, honest communication [about sexual matters]."

As parents, she says, "you just can't deal with the subject of sex infrequently or every blue moon." It should be a frequent part of household conversation, she says.


Sex Ed Advice for Parents

Lack of preparation is one cause of discomfort for parents when asked questions about sex by their kids, Martino says. Prepare yourself for the expected questions ahead of time, he suggests. Anticipate you'll be asked questions sooner than you think -- maybe even when your children are still toddlers.

"It's OK to admit you feel uncomfortable," he says. It's also OK, he says, to gather more information on a topic and get back to your kids.

One way to ease into talks about sex, Martino says, is to look for what he calls "teachable moments." If something is in the news that is sexually related, or something happened at school that lends itself to discussion, take advantage, he says.

Take advantage, too, of prepared materials that may help you, Cullins says. Many Planned Parenthood affiliates in the U.S. offer special programs that help parents talk to their kids about sex, she says.

[emma915]

One talk worked for my mother. She said she''d kill me, and I knew she meant it!

[ginnyzach]

The changes in $exual activity in our youth, I think, stems from the change in media. Look at the poplar tv shows when we were children: Andy Griffith, Leave it to Beaver, etc. Now every tv program just about has people having $ex on the show. Our commercials are filled with half naked women and men selling everything from bras to cars? Why would we question the problems we are having with youth and $ex when that is all that is before them 24/7. I was just discussing with my daughter the other night that we "played outside" all day and well into the evening when I was young, then we came home and got ready for bed because we was tired! There was no talk of STD''s or pregnancy in our schools because it was unheard of at that time. No $ex ed classes til we were in the 9th grade either! There was no watching tv all day and night and video games that promote $ex and killing. It is a sad day we live in when children are robbed of their innocence at such an early age. Talk to your children! Monitor what they watch and good luck!

[Syndicate]

This is the aproach my mother took with drugs. She would point out crazy people or people all sucked up with "Speed Bumps" and say thats what drugs do to you. It worked pretty good.

[kansas1946]

S e x starts at home and it should start young. I started my girls with body parts, (proper names) of women''s and men''s bodies. By the time they were two, they know about periods. We just kept moving forward and by the time they were seven or eight, they knew about intercourse. Since this started early there was never any embarassment because it was done in matter-of-fact snippits of conversation over 20 years.

[lorrim357]

I agree that parents should be the ones to teach our kids about ***. Unfortunately, too many parents these days just let their kids live and learn completely on their own either by being too busy or by not wanting to invade their childs personal space. In my middle school class there were 13 and 14 year olds that had already had *** many times with construction workers and neighborhood boys. If we could put more emphasis on what''s best for the majority of our children and not just "mine" we might realize that it''s okay for them to teach mine if it helps the one who''s parent(s) just don''t or won''t.

[denn034]

Let me reiterate my opposition to cbsnews.com being able to use the $ex word but, our use of it gets censored. That''s a double standard for sure.

[denn034]

Schools teach *** ed or abstinence education that leads to tons of cases of HIV and STDs and a dramatic increase in teachers sexually abusing children. There was no *** ed or abstinence ed when I went to school from kindergarten to 12th Grade and there were only 2 pregnancies, 3 STDs, and no HIV infections which, argues forcefully for a return to a facts only approach to education generally and returning *** ed to parents (name one school in America that can claim that one). Letting parents be parents will also help. We definitely don''t want anyone other than parents talking to kids about *** and their bodies for sure.

[godofredo29]

And, if you want the boys to grow up safe and sexually well adjusted, they need to do as well talk. An example is condom usage. It''s not enough to just tell guys how to use a condom. That''s confusing at best, scary at worst. No, what''s needed is preferably a familiar, sympathetic female who can stimulate the guy to an erection, show him how to put on the condom and maybe even (ideally) stimulate him to an ***. It''s the only way he''s going to not be intimidated by the whole process and maybe expose himself to risks such as STDs and unwanted pregnancies by giving up without trying.