What's The Headline?

(CBS)  The following is a weekly 60 Minutes commentary by CBS News correspondent Andy Rooney.

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I read a lot of newspapers every day - or at least I look at a lot of newspapers every day. It would take all day if you read everything in just one newspaper.

There's a story that says Maryland is going to make it illegal for 16-year-olds to drive after 10 p.m. and illegal for 17-year-olds to drive after midnight. That seems kind of dumb if Maryland doesn't mind me saying so. A kid who's a bad driver at nine o'clock when he's 16 is still going to be bad at ten when he's 17, or 27 or 67 for that matter.

This is from The Washington Post: "Two Sides Testify On Same-Sex Marriage." Well, I don't have an opinion on same-sex marriage. Let me phrase that another way: I have an opinion on same-sex marriage but I'm not going to tell you what it is tonight.

The Wall Street Journal reported that the price of platinum went up to more that $2,000 an ounce this week. "Fears Push Platinum Higher," the headline reads. If I had to pick a story out of the papers that interested me least, that might be it. I hardly ever buy an ounce of platinum. I don't really know what platinum is. What do they do with platinum anyway?

Speaking of headlines that mean nothing to me, here's another one: "Billionaire Mahers Rack Up Losses In Auction Bonds." I don't really know how much money a billionaire has, I never heard of the "Mahers," and I have no idea what an "auction bond" is. I do know I don't have any of them because if I did, I'd keep them in my desk drawer and I just looked and there aren't any in there.

Here's another headline that means less than nothing to me: "Sub-Prime Solution: Nationalize." Does that mean we should nationalize sub prime? And if it does, what in the world does "sub prime" mean?

Here's one: "Inmate Who Had Health Issues Found Dead At O.C. Jail." I don't know what the story was, but it certainly must have been true that the prisoner had a health issue if he was found dead.

Newspaper men and women who write headlines have a hard job. They have to make sense of a long, complicated story in just eight or ten words.

I've used about 500 words saying this.
Written By Andy Rooney

[cbclistener]

To the gent who bestowed a TWITSPEAK...I think you''re reading too much into Rooney''s commentary. But more importantly, given the unscientific sampling we have here, the larger danger is that for most people his "satire" went over their heads, and only served to validate to many that it''s okay to be ignorant - after all, Andy Rooney is. As for being able to suss the import of headlines, I had no trouble understanding that record commodity prices for platinum was a bad thing (and only served to support the record prices for other precious and semi-precious metals, like copper and zinc). So for Rooney to say that this story "interested me the least", it only confirms that he was advocating the ignorance of those for whom a story on Spears, Smith, Jolie or Aniston had much more appeal.

Satire works only when it succeeds in mocking its target. Here Rooney failed.

[M4RiE]

Not to mention the treat of bringing me back to old-fashioned common-sense thinking, the first viewing of this videoessay brought amusement and, as always, a familiar comfort in being able to see someone else''s likeminded viewpoint.

This viewing garnered my appreciation. It''s amazing how time can make so much difference in illuminating a bigger picture sometimes.

One thing some critical people haven''t seemed to comprehend yet is when it comes to the media, you don''t shoot the messenger. Thankfully, it''s a minor few who seem to be voicing their indignance so loudly.

The other is that when a mediaperson comes to the point where they''re able to represent enough of the population to put out there their own viewpoint, that''s something wisely thought out twice before scoffing at.

Either of which many of us are thankful for. Thank you, Andy.

Now, I''m still wondering (from a previous date''s broadcast) why you don''t like working in tv...

[knyghtwolf]

sum of u nede to finnish skool and lern how to spel 2.

[quatrops]

All you commenters out there who took Rooney''s comments about platinum seriously receive this week''s TWITSPEAK award. Congratulations!

Incidently, this is the first time the award has had multiple recipients!

Did you really think Rooney lacked the knowledge of platinum that your responses suggest??? It''s called SATIRE, folks! His commentary was about HEADLINES, and about how, when taken at face value, without context, they can be amusing (to some of us, anyway) in their presumption that they will be meaningful to the average reader or viewer.

[cbclistener]

I always thought that Andy Rooney was an intelligent, albeit occasionally (frequently?) cranky man. But this one goes over the edge. How can anyone be proud of being ingnorant?

I found the answer, though. Mr Rooney has bought into what is to become the new American Malaise...stupidity and ignorance. I''d recommend Mr Rooney to read the book that''s the subject of this book review: http://www.cbc.ca/news/viewpoint/vp_mallick/20080225.html.
And then, please, either become part of the solution, or stay silent - I don''t need another ignoramus to tell me how much they don''t know - I work with enough of them to satisfy me without spending time watching CBS, or any other media outlet, for that matter.

[prairiefox1]

ROONEY PROVIDES A RARE ENTERTAINMENT ! A RARE COMMODITY IN THIS DAY AND AGE OF BRAIN DEAD PEOPLE !
DO YOU EVER NOTICE? THERE ARE NO LAUGH TRACKS BEING PLAYED DURING HIS COMMENTARY? IF THERE WAS YOU ALL WOULD BE RAVING ABOUT THE HILARITY OF HIS COMMENTS!
YOU ALL NEED A LAUGH TRACK TO TELL YOU THAT IT IS FUNNEY!

[act3peter]

I love your humor, Andy, you lambasting iconoclast.

[act3peter]

I love your humor, Andy, you lambasting iconoclast.

[act3peter]

I love your humor, Andy, you lambasting iconoclast.

[cleanairsys]

With the boom in new clean diesel vehicles, particularly in Europe and soon in the United States, platinum prices are soaring due to a world-wide shortage of the precious metal. Platinum is the key component in diesel particulate filters. All new diesel vehicles manufactured after 2007 must have a diesel particulate filter. California air quality laws also enforce the use of diesel particulate filters. As more air pollution regulations go into effect, demand for platinum will increase and continue to drive prices higher. Since the beginning of the year, platinum prices have increased 40%.
www.cleanairsys.com